h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dirk pondered for a moment then said "Well for now we must set you up with some sort of cover for being here, have you ever done any acting, you could become an out of work actor"

Hey, said Ford, I'm a guide researcher! I can blend in anyplace!

Dirk gave him a weary glance and replied, "And it looks like you've been doing well already, doesn't it?"

Ford decide to was time for some decisive action so said to Dirk "I could do with a very stiff drink"

Dork shrugged, showed Ford where to get one, and started his offensive pizza eating ritual.

*Dirk

(you where right the first time, after a few drinks Ford started to call Dirk - Dork)

Eating a Pizza was like a meditation for Dirk, it gave him time to plan the next course of action while Ford was slowly becoming blind drunk

(Ah, ok, thank you... Dork it is *sniggers*)

Ford became increasingly queasy, and he wasn;t sure if it was the stiff drink (that turned out to be stiffer than he thought), or if it was Dork.

He felt the bile rise. As did Dork who was beginning to take offence.

Ford decide he had better go for a walk to clear his head, anyway Dork seemed preoccupied with the change of his name from Dirk

Dork thought this was very troubling indeed, as he clearly remembered changing from Svlad to Dirk, and wondered why he hadn't been informed of any adjustment.

Ford started to sobber up as he walked along the street, he thought to himself "I've got to get off this crummy planet as soon as possible", at that moment the creature that had been following lunged forward to attack!!

However, by this time the bile had risen, and he puked all over the assailant.

Due to the way Ford's digestive system deals with the Pizza he had eaten, the puke dissolved the 8ft Praxibetal alien that was about to assassinate him. Ford looked down at the globbular mess on the pavement with puzzlement, and thought "I don't remember eating that"

He was struck with an urge to go back to Dork (who was still puzzling over his name change), but, after looking at the mess he'd left, he wondered if he should wait until he was sure the same wasn't happening inside the detective agency.

Curiously, Kensington also appeared on said sign, but as (by some highly imrobable cause) in Betelgeusian Kensington means "Zark off, you non-hoopy matress lover, you don't even know where your towel is", Ford decided to go for Islington...

He saw several cars on his way, but despite his instincts as a hitchhiker, he was wary after all his last journey had brought him through.

But at that point, Dork came rushing towards him,"I have just had a call from my client, he said the attempt on life is to be today....urggg whats that mess.....anyway I have a Safe house where you can stay"