h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh crap, dont know about a motorcylce, by the look of those sparks flashing from her eyes she's on her pre-mentstrual cycle!

" The wardrobe disintegrates in a mass of splintered timbre, Dai grabs the leather clad Hnicky by the hand and they run for cover in a nearby tall boy"

I think we gave her the slip flower, now closw the drawer and let me show you my latest party trick.......

*manages to skid the massive machine to one side just in time and in terror jumps off into darth v's arms.. not sure if that's the romantic twist he was hoping for, but there you go readers.. the plot thickens..
dreadful noises coming from the cupboard...really scary, and yes....their worst fears are realised as the entire party burst out the door doin the conga.. da-da-da-da cha cha....da-da-da-da cha cha...... laughing hysterically and not seeming to care bout their street cred they carry on around the lab in a long winding snake, with doc at the helm, givin it loads..*

oh. sorry bout that by the way Darth baby.. just a little hiccup..i sometimes have trouble controllin my emotions... nearly killed ya there (jumps out of his arms and dusts him down ....in a motherly fashion readers).. ne'mind eh? lets go get a drink..
*sidle up to the bar together, where, funnily enough the now deflated zombie eamon andrews is serving good old fashioned beer..*

ooh dai, new party trick?
lets see it!

"Pops out of the tall boy (ooooeerrrr, read back for goodness sake if this is your first visit, it's not what it seems) tags onto the back of the thrashing conga line and congas like a good one before hopping off at the bar"

Two pints of Murphys bar keep, one with a ribena top and the other with a little shamrock on the top!

"Notices Darth Father and IB engrossed in each others company"

Just having a game of strip Twister with Hnicky in the tall boy folks, after that I think we should go in search of the plot, I think we lost it a while back

"Rejoins conga line heading twords the tall boy spilling his Murphy's as he goes"

"Slips into the tall boy (not one oooeerr or a titter u lot), passes Hnicky a pint of Murphys and proceeds to shuffle his deck"

ooh murphys!
i finally get to try it! and just the way i like, a ribena top!

go on ,, go on... i'm totally intrigued....so you're not darth vader at all...but in fact an infiltrating outsider, sent to grab and run with the secrets of the mighty trollop... well i never...
and they are hiddin here, in the lab somewhere? and you'll go to any lengths to get them back?oooooo so that WAS a gun in your pocket...

*starts to stick out bottom lip, but then cheers up at the thougt of more murder mayhem and distruction*

*looks around very obviously, making it plain she's being told a secret of utmost imporance and can't wait to run about singin...'i know something u dont' in an irritationg school yard voice..*

do you know what? suddenly remembering....when i was tidying up around the slab one day i did see a sheef of papers sticking out of a space in the wall. and i did wonder what that space was for...

"Bursts from the Talll bOy his leather long Johns akimbo at the sound of a plot twist developing"

What, what, what, what what? Papers? Wall? Space? Oh no not the Doc's secret formula for the everyllasting gob stopper he borrowed from that Willy Wonka guy!

" The plot now totally twisted he leaps back in the tall boy to a still giggling Hnicky"

*Smashes through the door waving the plot around, accidently darthvader/smythe/jim with it*

IVE GOT IT IVE GOT IT! IVE...Ohhh! i sence party!

*walks over to a UNOCCUPIED CLOSET and opens it and finds...*

BOOOGHEHHEHEH!!!

*suddenly THE WALL rises (one brick at a time, with the cool music) around him, and freakish animated monsters charge at him*

damn... but this seems like a pritty good plot twist,

*sees IB Dai and the others in there with him. and waves*

Hey phil... come on... have a drink..(hands him a glass of steeming green bru and smiles)

*eyes the plot in his hand, slightly twisted,cos it's been in his pocket and them leather pants don't leave much to the imagination..*

put down all your stuff there and relax....we're all friends here...

*stares meaningfully at Darth, and inclines head every so slightly to the plot, he nods and moves closer along the bar towards his outstretched hand with a view to grabbing it at earliest opportunity....the sound of brick wall being built around them at a furious rate gets louder and more ominous, all in all *

*wakes up from his unconcious slumber against the wall which stopped his rapid ejection from the cupboard at the hands of dai.......shakes his head and crawls to the bar........two stellas later.......

Hi guys im back!!!!

*Sees conger line, sticks out leg and reduces the line to a mass of bodies on the floor.......

Sorry, didnt mean to do that.......

Hey rock baby..!! (hi five's all round)...nice one..

*gives IB a knowing wink, before flipping over the bar and taking out the barman with a deft flip of the wrist......

He was on the other side, a spy, an assassin. I had to do it!!

While im here though, drink anyone??

*undresses from the darth v outfit to reveal smythe*

damn, i'm still wearing this, it's gonna be a big fine at the costume shop...

*drops self into bath of turpentine*

arrgh fiend!

*drags self out of turpentine, only to be kicked back in by self*

coward, come in and fight!

*climbs out of turpentine and jumps back in*

blaggard!, have at you!

*drags count jim out of turpentine, now rid of the smythe outfit*

i'd love an , but i could murder some

One cup of coming right up. I think ill have some

*starts an epic drinking march along the bar, downing a pint a minute, until falling down on the floor and singing......

EVERYBODY.....Why, why, whyyyyyyyyy, Delilah......

awwwwww babes... that's my favorite... here...try the bru.. it's magical.. i haven't tried it with one of these yet (takes one of the red pills from her multi pocketed utility belt and hands it over) but i would say the effects might produce yet another twist... whether to the plot or not remains to be seen...

*laughs hysterically and loudly...well someone has to .....muahahahaha....doc is still going around the lab, whoooping, and doing the congo at top speed...in fact....(frowns with head on one side, thoughtfully, forefinger and thumb on either side of chin) slowly looks round at doc......*

doc don't like to dance.... hmmmmmmm... another imposter jim? what do you think?....

oh yes please (accepts a large from rocky) cheers

(if a little lopsidedly)

DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE ! ! !

out the door, left, there's a ladder on your right, up the ladder, left, right, up another ladder....there's a tray of lemon cordial there... hey hey...never say i never got yiz nothin..... peanuts tooo you lucky lucky.....
shrim shrimm. we're all in a spin...

*and true enough, the lab starts to spin... as if on an axis.. lurkers, who had started up the ladder at the mention of free drink, begin to fly off in all directions...quite funny really


at this point there is blood spouting from his deflated neck, whre he was 'flicked' by rockchrill...it's not a pretty sight...*

"Staggers from the rocking tall boy having lost all sense of time, direction taste and fashion sense"

Allo, allo allo the parties really started I see!

" Sidles up to volumptious IB looking paticularly attractive in the products of a herd of finest Italian cattle"

Hi beautiful, hows tricks?

Thwack!

" IB storms ooff leaving a shocked Dai in a pool of his own making"

Something tells me she don't love me anymore.......

*Jumps up on the bar and starts maniacly dancing to a tune that only he can hear......

Wanna groove with me IB, I could show you how a real hip cat can jive....

*Falls off the bar in a drunken stupour, taking out a bottle vodka which happens to wash down the little red pill........

course i'll groove wi ya babes..

*poor rocky is feeling the effects of the pill and bru and beer and bubbly etc, so not that steady on the old pins....no problem...IB jams him between her double zeds and they sway off to the dancefloor, cleverly swerving to avoid manic doc,as he shoots past, crying and cant seem to stop congo-ing, and if anything is picking up speed....sweat flying off his purple face

someone puts on the tom jones version of Kiss and it shorts the lekky...the whole lab is suddenly shrouded in darkness... a shriek eminates from somewhere above, the dry ice machine starts up on it's own and the lab pet bat colony releases itself into the air.... doc is still doin the congo, but apart from that the lab and all of its inhabitants are stock still, waiting for 'the sign'*