h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the 'one' falls off the motorbike, and lands with a thunge*

dai, (adjusts voice to darth vader) ehem, i AM your father

*the 'one' falls off the motorbike, and lands with a thunge*

dai, (adjusts voice to darth vader) ehem, i AM your father

*flan hits side of head, jim storms off and hits doc with gas stove which still has the smell of batter pudding*

damn it did it twice,


twice,


twice,


twice,

falls through hole in mind

*comatose look on face*

"A look of stunned amazemement mixed with comedy flan covers 'The Ones's" face and drips slowly down his long johns"

Father? Is that you? Mother said you left for a tin of peas and some batter pudding mix when I was 2 and you never came back. It was horrible we had to have bread and dripping for tea instead!

" picks himself up off the floor and walks over to CJ"

Of course you do realise you owe me a shed load of back pocket moiney don't ya!

I THINK U SHOULD PAY UP. GENEVA WILL BE AFTER U FOR BACKPAYMENT SOON. AND THAT WILL DRAG IT THROUGH THE COURTS, INVOLVE LEGAL FEES AND WHO KNOWS HOW THE KIDS WILL SUFFER.........I LIKE BREAD AND DRIPPING THOUGH!

*swishes noisily in, full length leather coat draggin the ground.. opens fridge, removes large bottle of bru and, with a flick of her coat and toss of blond curls and a 'hummmmmph', turns on heel, marches to the cupboard, enters and slams the door

few raised eyebrows and comments of 'what's up wi her?', then they go back to their flan throwing and re-pater-isation discussion *

Oh crap, I forgot she was on the back of the bike and she's had the hair done and no one noticed!

" Leaves CJ to sign the back maintenence cheque and goes to the cupboard, taps on the door and slips inside......."

*looks around the room in a sly manner, makes sure no one is lookin and slips into the cupboard after dai............

"The cupboard door burst open and RockChrill flys accross the room hitting the lab wall with a thwack"

THWACCKK!

"Dai emerges looking irate and perturbed"

Oi you, I know its dark in there but that's no excuse fror that sort of thing!

"Goes back inside,making sue to bolt the door this time"

*door immediatly unbolted by IB (bru-glazed hue to the eyes, and wide grin) who invites Rockchrill back in with a knowing wink*

come on back in babe... he didn't mean it... reeeeel sorry ain't ya dai hinny?... bring a couple o dem flans an a batter puddin with ya will ya? we're bleedin starvin in here. *sound of roars of approval from at least 30 people from inside the cupboard*

*looks the newly morphed darth v up and down appreciatively*

hey dai.... mind if your da joins the party.. i'm finding meself a bit partial....

Dai da, Dai da, dai da.......

" Thionks he's being chased by the police, has confused flash back, pops another pill and goes back to the cupboard grinning inanely"

*looks around, wonders if she is the only one left outside the cupboard which shes usually in with dai*

*notices she has even brought her yellow pages*

"Opens cupboard door, steps out to sound of partying from wihin, notices Hnicky and her yellow pages"

OOOO ello flower, where you been, have a nice little Madtrix style lether outfit over here in just your size, why not join me in the wardrobe, IB's having a party in the cupboard but the wrdrobes been redecorated since you were last here

have i been away for long? so much seems to have changed!
*steps into the wardrobe*

Ahhh it's all this Mdtrix thing, time works in different ways, now lets just see how this fits...."

"The wardrobe door closes and the sound of a bolt nbeing slid home is heard, Dai learns from his mistakes dear reader "

*inaudible gigling and other noises can be heard from the wardrobe*
*giggles* do it again do it again!#

*darth v knocks on the door, which is slowly opened*

*waves 25 years of pocket money in dai's face*

*enters cupboard*

*lots more giggling is heard*

is no-one left outside?

*stops giggling*
dai?
how come your dad is in here with us?
can you not look after yourself?

*someone inside the cupboard (as opposed to the wardrobe, where dai h'nicky and darth v are,and quite frankly is decorated in awful taste, beige nylon curtains,disco beads and leopard skin bean bags everywhere) yells more more...sounds like the doc in a very very good mood indeed, and ETA, resident deej and soooooper music maestro cranks up the bump and grind toooons.... pete's crack lapdancin crew, led by IB are obviously puttin on a show....
IB comes out for another bottle of bru...staggers sideways to the fridge, batter puddin all down her front... spies darth v's coat stickin out of the door of the wardrobe and completely loses her temper..

jumps astride the throbbing italian and heads at speed for the door of the wardrobe, sparks flyin from her eyes*

*screams as ib comes crashing through the door and grabs dai to protect her, whilst at the same time darth v is pushed forward to take the brunt of the attack*