h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

.....................trips over giant liver .............aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggh!

That sounded almost like it was one of those Peanut comics where Charlie Brown gets the ball pulled on him before he kicks it.

See, when people say stupid things, is makes me not want to read their posts.

Are you talking about me?

you never bother to find out why if you did you wouldn't be here

You're all boring. Therefore I think you should die.

*pulls out a machinegun from the place where computer game characters manage to store a grenade launcher, sniper rifle and arsenal of mines while not bulking up in any way and still being able to do all sorts of acrobatic flippy type moves and fires at will in all directions.*

*ducks as bullets whizz over head*

What's Will done this time...?

Will has bored me. As you have.

*leaps onto the table and rips off cloak to reveal sculpted muscles, an army style tank top and trousers and some ammunition belts around his shoulders. After quickly applying camo cream to his face he puts on a hardcore Austrian accent:*

Prepare to die, you scum!

*unleashed volleys of bullets into the surroundings, killing various minor characters but missing everyone who matters.*

Theres only one thing that can stop a terminator! A heavy duty hydraulic press ... or ... A RECALL! *ahem* Could everybody sign this petition to recall Galigan as harbringer of our dooms?

If we're doing computer game tricks, I want Bullet Time, as seen in Max Payne. See how I dodge your puny bullets! Hoowaahh!

*Everything goes slow and blurry for Legion. He watches with interest as the bullets trundle past his head*

Hmm.

*Wanders off for a , resolving to come back in a few minutes to see if the bullets hit anybody*

Bullet time is *boring*. Also, my clothes can't move that fast, so I'm naked. Ho-hum.

If we're doing computer game trick then I want a V-watch. Now featuring such powers as Slow-Mo, Mach Speed, and Zoom In. Henshin a go go! Woo! *climbs into the air ducts*

*hiding behind giant, peeking around the side*

Who knew Galigan was so ripped? Anyone?

*continues firing randomly. A counter in the corner tallies the number dead, and and the bodies fall they fade away into pixellated nothingness.*

Mwahaha, I come in VIOLENCE!! ... wait, what's the opposite of peace again?

*thinks (it looks painful), gives up, grimaces to the camera, breaks someone's neck with his legs for effect and continues shooting*

*Jade walks over to the minibar, and presses a piece of the woodwork. A pannel slips aside and reveals a small red button, covered by a plastic theath. Jade takes a key out of a pocket on her skirt and inserts it in a small keyhole to the right of the button. The plastic sheathing pops open, allowing the button to be accessed. She pushes the button, and a black bar reading 'censored' begins floating over Legion's naughty bits. Jade dusts her hands off and smiles at a job well done.*

Oooo! A black bar generator. I've always wanted one of those.

*keeping head down and crawling behid the piles of dead butlers*

I need another ...

*is impressed that the black bar protecting Mr. Legions modesty is 360 degrees effective*

is it chilly in here Mr. Legion...?

*sips and crawls off*

*Bruno picks up Rivkeh and carries her over to Jade*

This is gonna be a bitch to clean. *surveys the boardroom*

Oh yeh Mr. Legion - don't get *too* excited will you ?

We don't want you ziffling* on the black bar, other people may want to use it ....



*Ziffling pp vb Ziffle - to wipe a (male) member clean esp. on upholstery or curtains...(from Roger's Profanasaurus)

I want a bigger black bar. Reputations are ruined this way.

*Turns around quickly, looking down at the black bar. Jumps on the spot. The black bar follows every meaty flop precisely.*

Wow, it's effective. Not a millimetre of slippage. Wait, how come *I* see the black bar too? How am I supposed to...you know...*everything*?

stop that jumping we dont want a stained black bar ...