h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*What with all the disruption of space-time and extra-deminsional invasions currently going on in this forum, it is only natural that the fabric of the universe would be weakened slightly... say, for instance, at a particular stretch of empty wall, over there next to one of the lesser control banks...*

*With a shimmer, the blank, featureless metal bulkhead vanishes, and is replaced by a quaint, old-fashioned curio-shop. In the window of the store, painted letters spell out the name "Needful Thing-a-ma-bobs".*

[sea] What the heck is THAT?

[Minos] Hmm. Appears to be a typical Curiosity-Shop-of-Evil. You know, the kind that appears mysteriously, is run by a little old wizened man (or sometimes a gypsy woman), sells you some mysterious object but with a dire warning, the object brings you great fortune, followed soon by horrible bone-chilling consequences, you go back to the store for help, only to find that it's vanished without a trace.

[sea] Oh, yeeeeaaaaaah... one of THOSE.

[Zeb] Didn't I see this in a Terry Pratchett novel?

[Mackenzie] Helloooooooooooooo! Are we allowed to TALK in this particular post?!

[Affy] It's a minor disruption of continuity that accompanies all major apparitions like this. I mean, Culex is ONE thing, but this store must have just come from a reality VASTLY removed from our own. No need to worry, though. It won't have any consequences other than a few lines of dialogue spoken in an inappropriate post. And it should die down very swiftly.

[sea] Hold on... something's coming out.

*The door of the shop swings open with the tell-tale jingle of a little bell. A lone figure, garbed in a musty brown trenchcoat and tight, shiny pants of some type backs out of the door. He is carrying an armload of knick-knacks, and is pointing a weapon of some kind into the store*

[Figure] I SAID LAY DOWN BEHIND THE COUNTER AND COUNT TO THE NATURAL LOG OF 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000!!

Ummm.......

[sea] wasn't it a stephen king novel too? or am i mistaken? *shrugs*

*sea twirls the lightsaber*

Zeb: Yeah, that was "Needful Things".

[sea] 'kay. so i'm not crazy. thanx.

UH: Riight. Heroing just isnt the same these days, is it?

[All of Culex except his horns, his wings, his hair, and his pants are now invisible]

[YK] Yeah, but we want to get rid of him NOW.

[Culex] Ha! You will not be rid of me now!

[Snicker from others]

[Culex] What???

[He realizes how ridiculous pants, wings, horns, and hair look hovering like that]

[Culex] Shut up!!

[Mackenzie] Here goes ...

[[X-Zone]]

[The hole in space-time opens again.]

[Culex] Ha! It is too late now! [slurry distort] The Dark Mage will have revenge oonn mmee ...... aaannnddd ttthhhiiisss gggaaalllaaaxxxyyy wwwwiiiillll bbbbbeeeee ooooouuuuurrrrrsssss ......

[The hole in space-time finishes closing. Culex, for all intents and purposes, is now nonexistant. Mackenzie collapses on the floor as best she can in midair]

[YK] Great. NOW can we get back to trying to destroy the OmegaMatic? Or at best each other?

Well, maybe, but we've also got a weird Curio-Hut on our hands. Maybe we should worry about that, too.

*While no one is looking, KL restarts the countdown sequence*

--20--

[YK] What's a Curio-Hut? Did I miss something here?

[Mog] Just check the backlog. You missed a post when you posted a reply to Affy's post. You forgot to go to the next page.

[YK] D'OH!

[Janine] Well, they got Mackenzie's personality right.

[Mackenzie remains unconscious but would probably punch Janine's lights out if she was awake]

[evillene] well, they made sea too well-spoken!

[sea] shaddup!!! i mean, er... they were entirely correct, dear sister, it is YOU who is mistaken.

*evillene rolls her eyes*

*The new figure turns from the hut to face the world he has just entered...*

[Zeb]That hair...

[Figure] WHAT the...? Store musta jumped universes while I was in there.

[Zeb] Those glasses...

[Figure] Pfft! Well that's just GREAT. NOW I bet all the currency I just picked up is WORTHLESS in this world! EH!

*The person flings a number of pink, tentacled organisms to the ground, and stomps on them*

[Zeb] That hideous spandex...

[Figure] EH! EH! EH! STUPID LIGOLIANKA'SHNOU'K DROMALI'JK'S! I WENT THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE TO GET 'EM, AND I END UP **HERE**, SO THEY'RE WORTH NOTHING!! THIS HAPPENS EVERY TIME!

* the penguin sneaks up behind KL and tickles him with one flipper while attempting to deactivate the countdown with the other. It seems everyone else has forgotten that if they don't stop the QED going off, the other enemies won't be a problem anymore - and neither will anything else, for that matter *

[YK] Now who's this Ligo-whatsis guy?

[Mog] An interdimensional traveller.

[Janine] That's obvious.

[Mackenzie continues to be unconscious]

*The new arrival looks up from his money/squid stomping*

[Figure] Who am I? Why, I am the greatest inter-deminsional armed robber of all time! I am he that strikes fear in the hearts of mystic curio-shop owners everywhere! I am the gas-station bandit of doom! The bringer the day's net losses! I am...

*Notices for the first time who he's talking to*

[Figure] ...YK???!!!! WHAT THE??!!

*Looks around some more*

[Figure] SEA?! KRYMLA??! UNCLE HEAVY???????!!!!!!

*Zeb, meanwhile, finally manages to blurt out the name of the one he's recognized...*

[Zeb] EMAR?!!!

[Pause. Actually quite a long one.]

[YK] So, [ahem] Emar. Do you know that the galaxy will be blown to bits in a number I've forgotten of posts by KL?

[Mog] YK, do you know how much that makes sense?

[Janine] Mog, do you know how much he cares?

[Mackenzie stirs]

Emar: Oh, wow, guys, it's so GREAT to finally be back! I mean, there was this one time I THOUGHT I was back, but it turned out to be Bizarro H2G2, and then there was this ordeal in the Dimension of Exploding Heads, but now you're all here and I'm so happy that I could just talk on and on and on, without pausing to form a new sentence, THAT'S how excited I am that...



Emar: ... WHAT??!

Zeb: Yeah, that's right old budd-..er, accquaintance. Galaxy's gonna be in more peices than... ummh... something that... would have a very large number of components. 12 posts from now, to be exact.










Zeb: Oh yeah, and when you first realized you were back, you recognized sea, Krymla, and a couple others, but not *****ME*****, YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD! WHAT'S WITH ***THAT***?!!!

[YK has beaten Y2K very firmly and managed to kill Y3K. (Hey, the only way YK wasn't going to get killed with THAT swing was if he killed Y3K.) He has decided not to bother with Y4K, who is so stupid it's a wonder something else hasn't killed him.]

[YK] So, unless there's no one else intent on taking personal revenge on me ...?

Can I?

[leaps towards YK]

Now, YK, I'm not saying you should take this personally ... but you can anyway.

[throws a shuriken at the Krymla Leader]

I wouldn't want KL to hurt you yet.

[dives at the controls with the intent of disarming the QED, but finds he can't; pounds at the controls in frustration]

D'OH!

[Link] [who you'll notice I haven't mentioned the entire time I was in this forum] Hey! If you're who I think you are, you forgot THIS!

[Link, who is being pursued by three Shikadi mines, puts on the Goron mask and dives at the QED.]

[The Shikadi mines follow him. They are set to explode when they get close enough to a hero.]

[Link/Darmani jumps away from the control panel at what he deems the right moment.]

[As they overshoot Darmani, they get close enough to him.]

[And to the control panel.]

[BOOM]

[Darmani turns back into Link, who lands in front of Darkman]

[Link] So would you be who I think you are?

[Darkman] Yep. YK, I am you, from the future. Ta-ta!

[Since the only possible result of three Shikadi mines going off that close to the QED would be its destruction, Darkman decides that his work here is done.]

[[Teleport]]

[Darkman disappears in a flash of light.]