h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Scurge is patrolling. No other forces are necessary when Scurge is on the case although, he might call on some droids later on. He smiles in the dim lighting. Just bring it on good guys.

Scurge: I SAID bring it on.

*The heroes still have several areas to get through before they fight their way through the the Primary Elevator Shaft. Just so you know*

Scurge: Hello there, all. Yes, I did know that, Affy, I have been watching their progress for some time now. I'm just impateinet that's all.
Scurge fires up some chainsaws and juggles with them.

Scurge: Need my help anywhere else, or should I just stick around here?
*Scurge does some fire eating to the amusement of his two droids X and X2, who have just arrived to back him up*

Bad news: us good guys have already gone through that bit of the adventure. You can follow us to the Main Floor and deduce where we've gone next, because HappyDude doesn't seem to be where he's supposed to be. http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F62404?thread=115549&latest=1

*GL enters and looks around.*

So, what do we need to do here?

* the penguin comes in - walking on the wall, this time - and looks around before sitting (on the wall) and drawing a smiley face in red crayon on it *

[Penguin] That way, I guess.

* he points down the corridor to the elevator shaft *

*Affy comes in, scratching his head*

Hmmm, we should've been attacked by Scurge by now. It's almost as if someone told him to leave the primary elevator shaft.

*Affy looks at the Primary Elevator Shaft Door, and wonders if he should just open it and advance to the next levels, or wait for a villain to intervene*

[Janine, Mog, and Link enter. They are followed, surprisingly, by YK and Mackenzie]

[YK] No, look, are you SURE you can cast ANYTHING?

[Mackenzie] Yes. I'm CERTAIN I can use X-Zone. But only twice.

[YK] Then save it for when we REALLY need it.

[Janine] Affy, let's wait until something surprising happens.

[Ultros] [falling through the ceiling, carrying the still-encased hammer and wearing a felt top hat] G'HYAAAAA!

[Janine] Uh ... does that count?

[Link] Hey, Squidball! Don't you EVER learn?

[Ultros] Heh ... they say I'm a slow learner ... but I eat pretty fast!

[Battle theme: Ultros' music, as usual.]

* the penguin sighs mightly and pulls out a megaphone *

[Penguin] Hey Ultros! Why don't we take this outside and leave these people to get on with dying horribly?

* he vanishes *

[Some time passes]

* the penguin reappears *

[Penguin] Well honestly, are you coming or not?

* he vanishes again. This time there's a signpost that says "this way" on it *

[Ultros] Oo! Another weapon!

[Ultros grabs the sign and smashes it over Affy's head. The only visible effect is that Affy is annoyed more than he was already, and the sign breaks.]

[Ultros] [to Affy] I was just thinking of you ... I've got more lives than I do arms!

You know, you really need to expand. You get next to nothing out of this job, really, and you don't even realize that all of the other villains are taking advantage of your willingness to fight. You're doing unnecessary work for others, Ultros, and while that's good in moderation, you're letting the other members of STUMPED count on you to actually slow us down. You aren't even technically a member of STUMPED, and I bet you've not been paid by KL *once* for anything that you've done since you first came to h2g2.

So I'm not going to fight you, Ultros. For your good, and mine.

*Affy whips open his book, and casts Vaxum (makes a hostile creature your friend) at Ultros*

Let's see how you like good old fashioned cheerfulness, you monster! Come on, everyone, it's time to officially start Ultros' first intervention!

*A banner unfolds reading "We care about you, Ultros!", and several other h2g2 researchers and creations, not to mention characters from several various video games, emerge, all willing to tell Ultros that he isn't alone in the world, and that there's still hope, and that he is strong enough to fight off his addiction to senseless violence time after time after time*

That's right, Ultros, we knew that you would be here. Our mission here isn't about saving the Galaxy, that's just a fringe benefit. This mission was really organized so that we could tell you that you've got the strength to move on to better things, Ultros.

*Practically all of the people in the forum nod their heads, or say similar things*

Scurge: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Welcome to my lair.
Bullets come towards the heroes out of nowhere. Bouncing all around them, ricochetting Judge Dredd style around the corridor.
Scurge steps out of the darkness with 2 chain guns, firing blindly at the heroes, he is flanked by his two droids X and X2, who are also firing from chain guns, they are armed with grenade launchers and rocket launchers as well as side arms, but more of that later.
Heroes dive for cover (well, I'm guessing that's what you do).
Papa Rouch plays over the corridor intercom, very, very loud.

*parachutes in*

[Ultros] AIEEEEE! [pathetically tries to hide behind YK]

[YK] [to Affy] Harsh words negate the Vaxum spell, right?

* the penguin reappears behind Scurge and taps him on the shoulder *

[Penguin] Could you keep the noise down a bit? I was thinking of having a nap you see...

* the penguin launches a hefty punch at Surge's belly *

Scurge recoils from the punch. "Argh!" he says as a blue sign appears next to him saying POW!
Scurge grabs the small blue sign and hits Penguin over the head with it.
Scurge flicks two grenades in the direction of the heroes.
X and X2 continue to fire.
Papa Rouch switches to Eminem, no, Scurge does not Eminem, he's just a rebel, who lieks swearwords.
Cartridge cases rattle as they hit the floor, AKA The Matrix.

No, harsh words do not negate the Vaxum spell. The only things that I've found that negate a Vaxum spell are about two hours, or a Kulcad spell. Both of them are a bit difficult to find right now, sorry.


*Affy casts Exex at himself, and narrowly avoids missing the maelstrom of malevolent mischief, always avoiding the automatons' aiming*

If only something distracting would happen so that I can get a breather!

*The Yozozo spell (turns target creature into a mallard) that Affy cast at the ventilation duct back in the EFS emerges from a nearby ventilation duct, and slams into Scurge. Just to change the way things are going, Affy casts Bip (plays ambient music) at the speaker system, which becomes suddenly confused by the conflicting circuitry commads, and it does what most electronic equipment would do: it freezes, causing no music to play*

I can't stand Papa Roach....