h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think Kes has done spiral staircases but they drive him round the bend!

Thats good then,one more won't make any difference whatsoever *Pinky gets up of the floor,well kind of, in a staggering way...stumbles to the bar to find the yellow ..ish pages* Sp...spi...spir....Who's stolen the S pages out of here ?

I don't know, but I did overhear two customers complaining about the lack of toilet paper.

The straight staircases that I have installed turned out to be spiral. I love a challenge!

Nice to be back. The tone hasn't improved much. I feel thoroughly at home. If only there wasn't so much to be done. I keep popping back from the garden, and when I go out again, the cleavers have grown another foot. I wish I could grow another foot. The blisters on this one.....walking and working are for Other People.
Tapers away into silence, looking earnest and in search of a .

Ah! It's your round then?

Never one to miss a trick Kes! OK, then. What'll you have?

Double brandy and lemonade for me please ,thankyou ....You spiral straight staircases Kes..I KNEW you were a genius !

Mine's a large scotch, and a pint to wash it down. Many thanks. Did you find someone to supply the staircase kit? Do they have a "nothing to pay 'til 2010" offer?
That scotch tasted good.

Drinks coming up. Oops, there's a whole spider in mine. Just a minute.....Anybody got a sieve? There we go.


Dig.

Well thats just greedy sera,having a WHOLE spider all to yourself ....we are here too you know ........OK Kes,an offer,2010 ? 2 years away ? Do you think we can do this ? Will funds stretch for 2 years ? Exactly....I'll look for one that offers at least 2018 ok ? We'll stand a chance then ! Who's round is it now ?

Sits on hands and looks out of window.

Looking out of the window the labrador pups can be seen trotting over the bowling green towards the Snug's garden door.

Fraser, the odd-job man is watering the rose bushes while smoking his pipe.

The pups come in, walk over to seraphicd. and start juping up and down.

*The SnugHound twitches a nostril and stirs ominously. Kes inspects his empty glass.*

Hint? Yes.

Subtle? No.

So,,,,,,,,,,it's my round eh?
Well I'm having a pint of , Merrydown to be exact and a
What'll yours be Kes?

Well, that's jolly generous of you. Thank you.
Mine's another pint ... and possibly another of those large scotches instead of a .
I never eat on an empty stomach, you know.
Most kind. Many thanks.
I wouldn't want you to think I was trying to get out of buying.
Heavens no.
A mere temporarily embarrassing lack of funds.
Slight cashflow crisis, you understand.
Must have left my wallet in my other jacket.

I'm sure Pinky will have another of those brandy & whatever concoctions. Steadies the old nerves, don't you know.

'Must have left my wallet in my other jacket.'



You have /two/ jackets?

LadyDig
'venerable' as per one of the definitions in Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary:

Well yes. Two.
Not both here, of course.
The other one is elsewhere.
With the wallet.
Very similar they are.
Not the wallet and the jacket.
The two jackets.
Both tweed. Houndstooth.
You can tell them apart if you look closely.
Except you can't, of course.
Because they're not both here.
But you could tell if they were.
This one has this handy little pocket.
You could keep a fiver or two in there.
Except I always kept mine in my wallet.
Which is in the other jacket.

All this talking has made me quite thirsty.

Kes,for heavens sake ,just confess will you ? The 'other' jacket,is called patches,it is impossible for that jacket to even bare the weight of an empty wallet ..the things you'll say to get out of buying a round ,honestly !!! Your wallet is in your back trouser pocket,I can see it from here ........I think Snughound would eat those puppies if he had the stamina.Can you see that mean look in his eyes ? I haven't seen him look like that since the last hedgehog escaped from it's cage and walked all over him .......OK,OK,your looking meaner than Snughound now Kes.....I'll buy this round ...the things I do around here just to keep people smiling !!!!!

All we need to do is give Kes one of those 'past its sell by date' Cornish pasties from the village butcher which he still so generously donates to us every week and wash it down with a pint from the slops tray.
As for the matter of Kes' 'financial embarrassment', he could sell one of his tweed jackets. Only the other day was I window shopping and the local charity shops seem to be full of tweeds even Harris, so they're in vogue this year. Mind you, I'm not so sure that the fact that he has different coloured elbow patches will aid or hinder the sale.
Or we could organise a car boot sale. Does anyone know of any car boots for sale?