h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What do you mean, 'it should be tuned'? I spent most of this morning tuning it. Can't you hear the difference? Plays a few bars of something unrecognisable. There. That suit you?

(I'm sick of Bill Gates telling me I can't spell, and all my 's's should be 'z's. Add to Dictionary is an extra job, for which I'm not paid.)<

I hope you've arrived ready to take your turn with the mop and bucket? The other cleaning materials are in this cupboard, here, and if you find the missing domino.....

Dig

I've never tried playing the piano with a mop amd bucket.

I don't know, modern music. Pah!!!

Now don't get your grammar and spell checker in a twist! You can always switch it to the English English version!

*Tries a few notes*
What was it tuned to? Radio 4 or concert pitch?

I'm not too sure, but there was a packet of Tunes on the piano stool.

It should be alright if we tune it when the alley cats are meowling tonight.

Must've been a pop concert.
There was a distinct pop when I tightened top A.
I thought somebody'd opened a bottle of ,
so I Made Haste ,
but I was obviously wrong.



Dig

*Searches the piano for a "factory reset" button*

Try CAD. Or you could thump one of the Fs until it restarts in Safe Mode?

Kes, the secret button's under the keys cover right next to the day-glo red sign 'SECRET BUTTON' see it?

Now those puppies are rather conspicuous by their absence. I'll just have a gander behind the bar.........
aaaaaaggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

The mop and bucket won't be much use there, I fear. Doesn't anyone take them out?
Dig

They were in use a couple of years ago - after that unfortunate incident when the cook confused the chip fat with the liquid paraffin.

Youn mean you used the puppies for THAT?????

No,no,no sera,your getting confused....we only ever use the chip pan for deep frying the hedgehog crisps...never puppies,honestly ! Look at Snughound,he has to be at least 54 now,and he can still move his head ,from time to time..it has been known.....OK,Kes,forget that piano (we can use it for firewood when get to the seaside.A b-b-q on the beach,such fun) Try this trumpet out for size ,you can never beat a bit of brass can you ?

Thank you. What a good idea, Pinky.
*Takes instrument.
TWOING-BLOINGG. PTWWANGG.*

No, it's much too big. I couldn't get it in between the piano strings to get the remains out. Now I've got bits of pie stuck in the trumpet, and bits of trumpet stuck in the piano.

On second thoughts, couldn't I just wind up the gramophone and put a record on?

On third thoughts, couldn't I just have a drink? Being musical is so tiring.

What a good idea Kes. This is a bar after all.

I'll have a bucket of , pickled eggs and a bag of scratchings.
I guess I'll be needing my deodourunderwear later after the eggs and . If too much of the (tobacco stained) paint starts peeling off the wall in my vicinity, I will go out and sit in the garden.

A B-B-Q on the beach? Sounds fun to me.

Pickled eggs ? Buckets of beer ? AND scratchings ? Am I in the right bar ? Have we had a windfall ? Has someone actually took the trouble to go to the wholesalers and buy stock ? I need a sit down (preferably on a steady chair) and a drink,brandy,double.....Just wind up the gramaphone please Kes.....I feel ill !

Yes Pinky! While you were whiling away your time knitting that pale green 'thing' and watching endless re-runs of your favourite soaps, someone DID go and stock up.
Another surprise: look at the worksurface behind the right end of the counter. What do you see? Yes! A microwave!
The local butcher has said he'll GIVE us his past sell-by-date pasties and pies.
How much do you think we'll have to pay for a pastie? I'm peckish again.
Another I think to sharpen the old taste buds and kill a few more brain cells.

Here you are, Pinky.
Drop of brandy to steady the old nerves.
Also a for l and a for me.
The pasties are quite OK if you watch out for the green bits.
I'm glad somebody told me that thing is a microwave. I just spent an hour trying to get the BBC News on it.

And here's me thinking you were putting music on Kes,yes,on the microwave ! How many brandies have I had now ?

*Hands over a *
One more than you had a minute ago.

Awww,Kes,thankyou ,where would I be without you ?(sober,perhaps?)*Pinky looks up as she lies on the floor* If we put a spiral staircase in here,we could extend into the attic.Mmmmmm she thinks hard ********ok,very hard ************************** * Kes,installed many spiral staircases then ?