h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Munchkin, the barman]
Wah! A real customer. Ummm, here you go.

neat double bourdon?

That'll get the regulars spinning in their graves....

Hey Zan, dried out yet? And did the beer work on the hair, is shiney, smooth and full bodied?

"Thackery's Old Scrote - 'Cos yer worth it!"

*Enters from outside and stands squinting in the doorway while his eyes adjust. Makes his way over to the bar beside Floradora. Notes the mostly-empty drink in her hand.*

Well! That was fast. Need to get it out of sight before your betrothed sees it? If you play your cards right, you might even get him to buy you another. I saw the look on his face after that arrow thunked into the wood beside his head. He's been fidgetty all the way here and still looks a little pale. I wouldn't be surprised if he orders something with a bit of a kick to it. *glances in Floradora's glass* Like that.

Speaking of orders...

Do you server food here? If so, could I get a grilled cheese with bacon sandwich please and a pint of lager?

Wah! A real food customer!
*Lil's BOF doppelganger unhooks the frying pan from the transceiver and then has a quick shufty round the fridge*

*holds up something dark and sliced-looking* Psst! Munchkin! Is this bacon?

Oh, James hacked back with the Earl of Lucan, didn't you see them ride off without even a ta-ta? They'll have gone straight back to wherever the rest of us are going, if they don't get lost.

*finishes her drink and indicates that she wants another*

I have to turn into his wife soon. That's worth getting drunk over. And the way he's denying reality, I could stagger in with my veil on backwards and he wouldn't notice.

But I'll be rich. It's worth it.

[Munchkin, the barman]
Bacon? Possibly in a Saudi definition, i.e. looks vaguely similar if you are badly hungover. Fry it up anyway, this lot look a bit rough. I doubt any of them have ever spent three days asleep in a wingback.
for the gent and for the lady.

Ah! ..and a for me too, please, if you'd be so kind. Oh, and when you get a spare minute, yesterday I spilled some brass polish onto my favourite red leather bookmark, so I dipped it in bleach, and put it in the fridge ... if you'd take a look for it?????

*hiding under table*

Psst! Munchers. What are all these people doing in here?

It hasn't been this crowded since we had that patch of damp that resembled W G Grace.

[Munchkin, the barman]
*To Scorpie* I have no idea, but if you try and avoid doing anything untoward I might get some pennies out of them.
*To the new comers*
Anything else you'll be needing?

*Notices the fact that there seem to be two Munchkins*

But...but...if neither of you can grow a convincing goatee, how are we meant to know which one's evil?

I'm quite overcome. A , quickly!

And if you could wave that we have left from the Coronation celebrations under my nose, that should buck me up.

I'd quite forgotten about those and sausage rolls. Now where did I leave them?

*wakes up from her favorite red leather wingback, toaster the dragon, at the sound of folks actually moving at talking in the Snug*
Eh...whaaa?

Scorpie...doesn't matter that he can't grow a convincing goatee...he grow a rather good Ming the Merciless itty bitty tash..

for me and a rasher of whatever the heck that is for the dragon...

I'll thank you not to impugne my facial hair, it is the best money can buy. ... Well, the best three pence ha'penny can buy.

/* Looks around while Zeppo joinst the other two wet labradors. */

What exactly is a snug anyway? And I'll have a

[Munchkin, the barman]
Why this is a Snug. The quiet, out of the way corner of a pub, away from the Hurly Burly of the main bar or the children and tomato juice of the Saloon bar where games of dominoes or discussions of post-war economics are the norm. Well, that's my hope anyway. Oh, and can you ask your dog not to do that to the Snughound, only it puts him off tune.

In reality the Snug is where all sorts of wierdness happens. If you don;t believe me, just try looking in the Gents, then under the bar (if the RIB lets you).

Or you could try ordering a 'Sausage Surprise' from the bar snack menu.

If you really want to see wierdness and a grown man turn a funny shade of green, try asking for change at the bar

pls Mr. RIB.

*Drinks her quietly in the corner away from the Snughound.*

*Enters the Snug and grins at the sight of Zeppo checking out the Snughound. Gives the Snughound a couple pokes in the ribs to adjust the tuning. Notices that the fire is smoking away, *

That's better, he still has quite the aroma, though.

Well, well; new faces since I was last here. Barman, could I have a black and tan, please?

*Sips at his *

Mmmmmmm. That bacon smells good! There's a sort of leathery smell, with a tang of...of....well, almost like chlorine!