h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Y2K and Y4K] What the zark!?

[They chase after YK. Y4C follows them]

[Aargh! Backlog!]

*Uncle nods his thanks to the Mewtwos, before realising how far behind the game he is. He stands up, and from the recesses of his tux, he withdraws a dirty great motor attached to a rotor blade and harnesses. He straps his jump pack to his back and with a cry of 'tally-ho' launches himself into the air. When he comes to ground, 10 seconds and five feet later, he remembers to pull the rip cord. He blasts off, a trail of smoke and sparks following in his wake. Down below him, he can see the van, and the impasse which has developed. It is at that moment that his jetpack runs out of fuel, and he plummets to the ground, landing, amazingly unhurt, onto Y3C*


[PS does Elorex exist anywhere except in potentia? Is he an H2G2 member?]

*Elorex, Mezmero and No. 3 look at the hero sandwich that they have encountered... Again, Mezmero is the only one smiling*

Mezmero: I have it...

Elorex: Have what...

Mezmero: *nodding* Yes... its one of those, it really is..

No 3: Oh no, you don't mean...

Mezmero: Yes...*smiling with unlicensed evil glee*..

Elorex: *sighs and rolls his eyes* Well... I guess you can say it then... but the backlash will be terrible

Mezmero: *rubs his hands*... ahem...*pause*... I have... a cunning plan...*darts a glance at IE, the eyes begin to swirl again*... listen to me... you are now madly in love with Affy... you shall never want to leave his side and hold on to him as much as possible.. enjoy the odd 'special moment' and always try to get him alone when you can. He is the apple of your eye, the cream in your coffee, the..

Elorex: Ahem... is this all necessary..

Mezmero: *shrugs*... anyway... when you wake up... you'll fall madly in love with him and want no one else...3...2....1...wake up...
*IE starts, blinking slightly, there is a fizzle in the back of
Mezmero's head* Drat!

Elorex: What is it?

Mezmero: *removes something from the back of his head* Oh...nothing important...*glances at Affy*... Well, Mr. 5... your specific abilities don't seem to be specific enough... we can't have you gluing yourself to every van we rob... your endless supply of equipment is quite confounding... I mean... how do you afford it all? Do you eat? Anyhow, such questions are not for now... since you are suitably prone... we'll leave the money for now and allow you to crash *wedges a brick of bullion onto the accelerator pedal*... and if not... well... I'm sure IE has enough 'love' within her to kill a small herd of rhino... As for our psychic friend... well... lets see if we can fiddle with his frequencies a little... eh?

Elorex: *driving with head out of the window* We're almost there...

Mezmero: Excellent...now, where was I... ahhh... the Mewtwo.. *puts to fingers to his right temple* vulnerable to cheese... eh...? And two children on the way?... Aaah... now, isn't that a joy... but what if your children were both made of cheese... that would be bad... wouldn't it..*as Mezmero begins to laugh... Mewtwo has a horrible sensation... as improbable as his words sound, the image of his babies being made of cheese forms in his head... he is paralyzed momentarily by fear and anger, both utterly irrational.*... ahh, much better *evil chuckle*... now, my compadrés... we must disembark and head home... take as much money as won't slow you down... a sack, maybe...*The three ex-EG's grab a sack of cash each, leaving IE mesmerized by Affy*.. wait!

Elorex and No 2: What?

*Mezmero looks slyly at Affy and then whispers into IE's ear, the ex-EGs jump out of the speeding van, using the sacks of cash as crash mats, and disappear into the basement entrance of a bar. IE stares at Affy in horror, then moves hypnotically towards him, out of the side window and onto his back as the van leaps chaotically from side to side, she then begins to rip his trenchcoat to shreds*

Insane Endeavour: I'm doing this for you, Affy my love! Mezmero said it made you look silly... and no way is my superherostudmuffin going to look silly in public! *when she has suitably defiled and mangled the trenchcoat, she hugs him contentedly*

[HP}=~~

This post has been removed.

well, everyone has weaknesses. you haven't been so kind as to present us with one to prey on, so HP made one up. there's a lesson in there somewhere

*sea and evillene continue to contemplate their action towards the ex-EG's, and laugh hysterically at IE and affy*

[The rest of YK's good guys chase after the rest of the clones. The duel resumes]

*Affy pushes IE away, and looks at his tattered trenchcoat lying on the road about fifty yards back. Affy groans*

My solvent was in that, Insane. Now I'm stuck to this. Meanwhile, let's have a look at your mind.

*Affy goes over all of the spells he currently has memorized. However, while he knows nearly all of the spells from Zork and the Bard's Tale series, there is not one single spell that would be sufficient on its own to dispell Mezmero's attack. He decides to, instead of concentrating on IE, getting unstuck. However, he looks at where he was stuck to, and grins*

Good thing I was wearing the trenchcoat when I glued myself down. Thanks for getting me out of that, IE. And now, to get those ex-EG's.

*Affy zooms off of the truck, remembers that he can't fly anymore, and collapses into some bushes. Picks himself up, dusts himself off, and runs in the direction of the three villains*


For those of you unfamiliar with Affy's own unique abilities (this apparently includes the three villains of the story), this is how he has access to all of this material: he never goes anywhere without gear from his Zorkish Adventuring days, his Holistic Detective days, and from his most explored occupation, mad science. This is why he has all of the magic, science, and trenchcoats. But he seldom carries anything else.

[Mewtwo makes a growling noise as he blasts after Mezmero]

[Vekura] [feels her stomach tighten] {Oh no. I've never seen him like this before.}

[She blinks in alarm]

[Vekura] {Wait a minute. That wasn't my *stomach* that was tightening ...!}

[She teleports to the nearest hospital]

The Ex-EG's hurry through the bar. When they reach a juke-box, on which for some reason the theme tune from Aliens is playing, they stop and key in a request for number 42; Blue Suede Shoes. A large portrait of Elvis Presley on the wall next to them slides up, revealing a dark hole. Nervously they back into the entrance, watching the bar for signs of a superhero attempting to cut them off. When they are all inside, the thin sheet of paper slides back into place. They turn around to face the solid metal door and reach out to key in the code. Suddenly they freeze as a *tic-tic...tic-tic* sound clicks from the other side of the door. There is a lengthy pause...suddenly their eyes fall on the metal handle of the door. It turns slightly and rattles, and then clunks to the unlocked position. With a hiss and a hydraulic whir, the door slides open. The criminals drop their sacks to the ground and back gibberingly against the wall as, through the gloom and steam of the now open door walks a tall, spined, eyeless figure wearing, a suit. His jaws slide open as his lips draw back to reveal vicious, slime-covered teeth...a venomous hiss comes from the Xenomorph's mouth...

*Affy peers in from behind Giguschild*

Wow, that was amazing! It was almost as if you somehow *knew* what the combination would be! How did you ever crack the code, Gigus? If I didn't know better, I'd say that was a minor continuity breach, but hey, who's counting?

*Gigus glares at him*

Sorry.

*Affy decides to leave Gigus and the villains alone, walk up to the bar, and order some phlog. The bartender looks confused, so Affy goes around and decides to show the bartender how to make it*

[WHUM WHUM KSH WHUM KSH CLATTER]


I don't get the bit with Mewtwo...

Holy dingoes do's! The TWINS--!

[WHUM KSH]

*Affy finishes showing the confused looking bartender how to make a phlog*

There. 792 simple steps. Oh, and remember, only serve this drink to someone with magic/pan-dimensional/or super human powers/abilities. It would cause normal people to explode. Now, will you please make a phlog for me?

Bartender-But I don't know where to find most of those ingredients! I've not even *heard* of most of those ingredients! And this is a bar, I only serve alchoholic drinks.

Affy-Well, sir, I think you've just lost a customer then.

*Affy turns and is about to leave when he spots the jukebox. He selects "Midnight Star" by Weird Al, and listens to it*

Well, there's the thing, you see. A la Aliens-bit-where-Burke-gets-asswhooped (Aliens theme tune on juke box was a hinthint), Giguschild was already inside the hideout, which he entered otherwise than by the door. But, there we go. Who cares. What we REALLY want to know is what the Ex-EG's will do next...

[Mewtwo is satisfied by the thought of vaporizing every last cell in Mezmero's body. He is about to do so, but he jerks in alarm as he hears something telpathic]

[Mewtwo] }Holy dingoes do's! The TWINS--!{

[He then teleports away]


Yes, I copied that from YK's post.

Zark you.

[WHUM KSH some more...]

[Mewtwo looks]

[Mewtwo] }It's a Both!{

[Vekura] [between gasps] {So ... they were ... fraternal.}

[Mewtwo] }Yes ... Ketsar and Poxlu, they shall be.{

[Ketsar is the male, Poxlu is the female. They look like a halfway cross between a Mew and a Mewtwo]

[Ketsar] Mew!

[Poxlu] Wun!

[Mewtwo] }They are the MewOne Twins.

*sea and evillene find themselves sitting on a curb all alone, and decide that maybe they should go find everyone else*