h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Thinks*

I've got some info on weaves for that. So. What are we doing?

You've got most of your original weapons stockpile, Daedalus, and a human weapon.

*reappears in a seat holding a , a lit cigarette, and looking a bit disappointed at the unimpressive SPIFF sound his entry made*

Craxus, I think you may be underestimating me a bit when you say that /you/ won't be the mangled ones... I'd wager I have more weaponry stashed in my loincloth than y'all have in your mildly remarkable Daedalus, and that's not a joke. Thou shouldst not underestimate the God of and His Magical Loincloth ( 3:15).

And besides all of that, if y'all have all your weapons and mildly remarkable AI and your human weapon and whatnot, why in the bloody hells do you need to hold a /pub/ hostage? If you're really as well prepared and competent as you claim to be, you should be able to do much better than a ing pub, for sake.

Just a thought, you know... but on the other hand I do have a bunch of body bags in designer colors already laid out and with your names on them, so I'd sort of hate to see them go to waste.

*leans back and quaffs some *

Pubs are good at times, you know...

* MaW has now finished the book and learned a few new tricks, although many of his apparent abilities he's going to keep in reserve, because they really don't look particularly safe *

Plentiful drinks being one of the advantages of them. Another is that it's an unorthodox kind of place for a terrorist headquaters, and I kind of like to do things the unorthodox way.

So what's the plan then?

Sticks her head around the door.............can I bring you guys anything to drink? Or a jar of pickles, perhaps?

I know what Thog and Myst like. What can I get the rest of you?

How about an Althea Cocktail? Anyone brave enough to try one?

Jade: *strained voice* Can I get a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster... Please...?

Thras: *sticks head up out of the pickle-juice in the jar he's currently swimming in* Olives! Cocktail olives! With pimento! Yummy yummy... *places head back uder pickle juice, continues consuming pickles*

Jade: ...*sigh*...

I'd like a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster too please.

Actually, make that two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.

Thras: *sticks head out of pickle juice chewing thoughtfully* Isn't it legal to order two at once...?

Jade: The dragon has a valid point. Can't you just make it a double then? Actually that sounds quite good. Make mine a double. With a shot of hazlenut syrup.

Thras: Hehehehe... Pickle...

*wonders if the hazlenut syrup will cause a chemical reaction*

If that's what you want, Jade. It's your funeral....metaphorically speaking of course.

Wanders off in search of hazlenut syrup.

Jade: There is very little left on the open marketm, or the black market, or the untramarine market that will kill me, chemically. I worked in the Boardroom of Eviol. I built some crazy imunities. And besides that I have some vials on my person that can antidote anything I might do to myself, or anyone might try to do to me. So no worries. Thanks for the concern tho.

Hmmm... right. I'll simply take an for when she gets back.

The Terranics are activating again.

*wakes with a snort and looks about*

So I'm getting a bit tired of hanging about here with that ing daemon going on about pickles... one of you needs to make a decision. You either rent the billiards room on a peaceful basis and agree not to take any of the CP's patrons involuntarily hostage, or you leave, or you go up against me and the considerable forces at my disposal.
Time to ante up, gentlemen, ladies, and daemons.

*materializes a fresh and lights yet another cigarette. Inhaling, taps his foot impatiently*

Jade: We'll rent it. End of story.

Thras: And we won't take people hostage.

Jade: At the very least, if the boys try, I shall stop them.

Thras: With shiny pointy sharp things.

Jade: It is as he says. But now comes the issue of payment. How shall we work this out?

Thank you! It's good to see that reason and logic have not entirely vanished from the face of the earth.
As to the terms and method of payment, I'm afraid that I really can't speak on this matter, as I am not the proprietor of this fine establishment nor an agent thereof. I will, however, go find Hypatia, whom I believe has the authority to make decisions of this nature.
Again, thank you for being reasonable here, and I shall return shortly with Hypatia.

*stands and stretches, amicably at everyone in the room, and strolls into the main room of the CP*

* pats his instruction manual *

According to this, I'm immune to poisons of all kinds, so theoretically drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster shouldn't even make me tipsy... of course, if it's like the rest of the features they built into this modified body of mine, it probably only works half the time and will turn out to be more lethal than what it was designed to protect me from.

* he taps the book three times sharply with an index finger, and it collapses down into a hole in reality, which closes up neatly behind it *

That's quite a useful trick though.

Enters with a tray filled with drinks, pickles and a lease agreement.

Here's your drinks folks. Enjoy.

Whereas I am not the official owner of the CP, nor am I the manager, or anything except conveniently present at the moment,(and breathtakingly beautiful ) I have drawn up a temporary lease agreement with the understanding that when Mari-rae, Gwennie, Egon or one of the other original barflys return, you will have to run it by them for their approval.

Ahem.........you are to be allowed to congregate in the billiards room of the Crossed Puroses Pub in the Village de la Vavoom as long as you observe the following:
1. There shall be no more than 579 persons in the billiard room at one time.
2. Hostage-taking is not allowed.
3. You will supply your own paper products.
4. Anyone found to be unconscious shall be removed from the premises within 42 hours.
5. You shall purchase passage on Pierce whenever you leave the planet.
6. Under no circumstances are you to move the blue goo couch from the bar into the billiards room.
7. Do not feed the mice.
8. Pay rent in the amount of 30 Altarian dollars a day.
9. And most importantly, never recite Vogon poetry.

In return, the CP will provide you with the ingredients for Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters,chicken salad sandwiches,all the pickles you can eat. We also promise not to bug the room and will keep Thog from blowing all of you to kingdom come.

Ok. Sign on the ______________________________

Oh you gotta have friends..........

Can I get clarification on a point?

2. Is it alright if we take hostages from somewhere else and bring them here?

Are you talking about human hostages?

===========~~~

Does it matter what species they are? A hostage is a hostage, no matter what their biological nature.

Thanks for the drinks.

* he downs a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, waits a moment, then looks disappointed *

As I suspected. Absolutely no effect. Anyone want this other one?

Well....actually it does matter. For example, do you really want a room full of Vogon poets? And some species smell so bad that the stench would permeate the other rooms of the pub.

Plus, the question makes me wonder how serious you all are about your resolve not to take the rest of us hostage. You apparently want to create mayhem at any cost, and to be honest, we already have enough regulars next door doing that.

I'll check with Thog, but I think the rule against taking hostages had better apply to any hostages of any species.

========~~~~ You can of course always bring it up at a CP rules committee meeting. They meet on the third Saturday of October in leap years to determine which creatures of the night to let in for our Halloween party.

Thras: * Gets out of his pickle jar looking quite surly. He turns his head to Euan and Maw (and anyone else about to make a stupid comment that might screw this up for them)* Look. Our headquarters was blown up. We have nowhere else to go. The Terranians are already on the move, and we need a temporary place until we can make a new base. If any of you screw this up for us I am going to be incredibly upleasant. So just follow the rules, don't question them, and kindly allow Jade to sign on the bloody line.

Jade: *snickering* Dragon makes a good point.

Thras: Thank you. *begins licking off pickle juice*

Jade: *turns to Hypatia* Your requirements of us are very reasonable, and let it be known that you can trust me to bust the heads of my colleagues if they decide to break the rules. If you have no objections, I shall sign your document.