h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*returns*

Well, Dolores was amused but didn't want to watch it again. I just talked to The Celery about the movie, but he's too busy with an investigation for The Post to come, but sends his best wishes.

But maybe I'll see it again for fun.

Big C, did you have to shoot it as if they were at the podium? It doesn't look as realistic that way. After all, the party's been over for awhile and they left the podium days ago.

Joe, let me know where/when you have the funeral pageant. The Celery and Dolores may want to attend.

Hmmm... I think I'll help with the publicity for this. I'm sure lots of people would enjoy watching a B movie. Who knows, we might even get this forum back up to the 5 busiest again. It would be great publicity.

Waiters! Make some more popcorn. And see if you can find someone who knows how to make funnel cakes and cotton candy. I'll be back.

*rushes out to spread the word*

the thread is at: http://www.h2g2.com/F40374?thread=69810 Now, you insult the ability to rewrite virtual reality? At the moment there is a place in 'town' that has technology that can't exist. I think we are able to maintain continuity like this. The Celery is dead, long live the other candidates. You can paint the official funereal portrait.

*cheers wildly as the film of Redbeard's reality ends*

Now, the celery is dead so and all of the redbeard's excuses were part of the film. If he says this is a film then so be it but then so were his excuses part of the film so either way they are fiction. Now, join the procession!

*leaves with a coffin containing the remains of the Celery and webjello*

Anyone got a memorial site up?

If enough of us decide that the Celery no longer exists then it no longer exists. That cannot be true for ANY of the other candidates (except for Baldrick, but that's just wishful thinking).

Pooh-Bah. Fiddlesticks.

I second that emotion, Løøny. If you take something that doesn't belong to you, it's a crime.

Then let the courts judge Big C. Its not mob rule here too is it? *very angry at a certain paper so don't push it*

Oh, thanks a lot, Ant.

What. The. F**k. Is. Going. On?

Personally, I do believe that somebody's been cheating for the Celery. As to killing them because of that - if they want to cheat in the OPINION POLL, let them. Nobody will be allowed to vote twice in the real elections. I would, however like to know who or what is controlling the Celery and DW. If it's a number of people though - surely the whole idea of a President is they're at least controlled by one person. Tony at Number 10 is a perfect example. I personally would like to see them compete in the elections, just to see how well they do.

I reckon it's in the best interests of the Celery-Webjello campaign for us to encourage the opposition to reveal its true colours.

Do continue to insult the intelligence of the h2g2 electorate, fellas. The polls show that they have already decided whether the Celery exists. Now all we have to do is run a poll to see how they feel about murder.

Do continue to display envy and poor sportsmanship, but please don't obstruct the movie screen while you're doing it.

Meanwhile, we're going to keep right on having fun.

Oh, and we'll make sure all out supporters attend the "funeral" -- it will be just like Tom Sawyer!

Oh, and Joe -- you're a penguin.

There's an accusation of poll-rigging on the table.

Celery... Webjello...
who are they?

I'm sure I remember something...

No. Why, if they existed, they'd be registered users wouldn't they.
I mean, you can't have a non-existant presidential electorate now can you?

*enters red eyes glowing*

Baldrick tried to poison me yesterday. Offered me ice cream made of sulfur.
heh heh, I exist.
His fashion cat and him both threatened me, yesterday, threatened to kill and eat me.
*sits warily near door*

Baldrick, h2g2 has managed to exist in a spirit of trust and good fellowship up to now. Please think carefully through what you are accusing.

Did you threaten Styx again?

Kill you AND eat you?
Dear me.
What IS the world coming to? I'll tell you - Peregrin would never allow this.
I wonder where he's got to?

Decartes Decartes!

cogito ergo sum!

PROVE that the celery thinks in such a way that there can be no doubt.

Hello?
Hello? Hi? Is, erm, anyone *in there*?

Watch, they're still suffereing from dilusions...poor, poor fools...the effect of oppreession is still getting to them...

Do we all understand English here? Right, good. Well, as the top of my post suggests, and you may want to take notice of this, what happened, happened. Has anyone any serious problem with this? Does anyone care if I remove these fakes from the scene now?

*the holographic reproductions of The Celery and Webjello flicker and fade*
There, fooled you again!

What happened, happened, and your desperate attempts to bring them up failed again Redbeard. You can't win. I've set each reincarnation of the two fake candidates to be instantly iliminated. They don't exist anymore, and there's nothing you can do about it! Hah!

Surely the idea of an h2g2 President is just that - a President, not a Cabinet. Just my opinion...

sniff sniff
I smell a mob heh heh

I cannot be arrested for this. My actions were undertaken by the authority of San Beta, the largest GalaGroup in existance. Do you want me to send them a report of this pathetic behaviour from you all?
You're proving my point exactly anyway...you are all under The Celery's (now destroyed) oppression. You fail to see he's gone. You fail to notice the truth.

A touch of 1984 is in the air, don't you think Joe?

Now Big C, calm down. Where did DD put those smelling salts?

Waiter, can we get some coffee?

Does anybody want to re-raise the accusation Baldrick made earlier, or can we move along with the air a little clearer?