h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

___ Press Statement from The Celery ___

I would like to thank you all for coming to this press conference -- even if many of you really came for the party!

This is an exciting time for h2g2, and as one who truly lives here, I feel honored to be a part of it all. I wanted to take this time to unveil a few new initiatives in our campaign and also be available to answer any questions you might have.


1. We are proud to announce the official unveiling of the new h2g2 Fish Sanctuary and Playground -- http://www.h2g2.com/A401202 -- to provide another needed place for some of h2g2's most beloved creations. Dolores and I are firm about supporting the rights of h2g2 creations and despite the efforts of a number of groups, there are many h2g2 fish in need of a safe place to swim. They also need an actively supported place where other beings will come to visit them. At the playground, researchers may adopt a fish, or bring one of their own where it can swim with its friends, and all the fish will receive frequent visits. In fact, one of the fish -- Princess Sugarfoot -- has already offered to hold parties and dances for the other fish. Thanks to all those who have supported and helped in this effort.

2. Part of the duties of Virtual Prez is to write an occasional column for the Post. While that is important, if I am elected, I will take that responsibility much further. Dolores and I will create a Virtual Prez Home with a complete open-door policy. All researchers and h2g2 creations will be welcome to stop by any time for a drink or a cup of coffee, and to chat with us. We will welcome all to air their h2g2-related concerns, real or imagined, and discuss their problems and suggestions. We will then work to help them find the answers, or to promote solutions, and if we can't help them directly, we'll use our forum in the Post to bring their concerns to the rest of the community.

3. Oh, yes... as you know, Dolores loves to dance. So we decided that the Virtual Prez Home will also have a room with a non-stop dance floor, hosted by Dolores. Regardless of your time zone, or day of the week, you'll be able to get a workout on the dance floor, and maybe meet someone interesting!

Finally, I'd like to once again mention those platform issues that we have brought to the public eye so far, including:

-- promoting Pan-Culturalism and Universality
-- defending the rights of h2g2 creations
-- fighting for stricter regulations on temperature
-- protecting continuity
-- encouraging good manners
-- supporting h2g2 efforts to improve communications
-- opposing the blatant pandering by most politicians
-- believing in the power of imagination

More on these issues is available at our campaign page: http://www.h2g2.com/A383267

I'd like to thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to listen to my remarks, and hope you will consider them as you make your important voting decision this month. I have to run now over to the dinner and party to greet the guests, but please feel free to ask any questions you might have, and one of my capable staff will handle them, or find me to get the answer.

Make sure you stop by the party -- there's food, drink, music, and dancing, and, if you have an invitation -- Ah yes, I see some in formal wear over there -- stop by the supporter's dinner for a great meal!

Thanks again!


-- The Celery

A man in the corner stops applauding long enough to use his silk hankerchief to dab his eyes.

Bravo, The Celery. A statement Winston Churchill would have been proud to make.

Mr Celery... I'm very impressed! Your grasp of rhetoric knows no bounds! Are you sure that you haven't run for office before?
shazzPRME

Very nice! Mr. Celery, I'm proud to support you and your policies. Especially that good manners one.

*Looks around the room and is gratified at the warm reception to the Celery's speech.*

To answer the question from the press: Yes, the Celery has run for office before. He was elected Chairman at the Space Centre Biome. Details are on his home page.

http://www.h2g2.com/A384257

*applauds*

*stands behind and to the side, smiling and looking loyal and supportive*

*claps politely*

Oops, I almost forgot!

*digs in evening bag, finds campaign pin and attaches it to the strap of her gown*

*Afgncaap5 belatedly enters, dressed in his Holistic Detective outfit. He stands by The Celery, looking like a bodyguard. He's humming the lyrics to "Trigger Happy"*

*Odra pops in her head, sees that no one's dancing, and bounds out again, stopping only to set off a small, well-controlled indoor fireworks display. Small synchronised bursts of color and light erupt over the podium, finishing in a final flare spelling out "C/WJ 2000", the outline of which hangs in the air and slowly fades*

*As the fireworks fade, Affy picks up The Celery from the place under the table where he rolled*

*Pr. C. Tonks walks into the assembly during their little conversation. He's overheard the speech*

Good day to you all! I thank you for the invitation, and I'd like to remind you that, although I'm your opposition, I hold no grudges, dislikes, or differences against you.
I come in peace, as they say...
So, after your well-put speech, I was wandering, if I were not to be elected (and I won't comment on my chances), what would your policy be on space-borne vessels?

Hi, Big C... Good to have you here.

Not sure what you mean by policy on space-borne vessels. Certainly the Celery is a fan of space exploration, space ships and all of the imaginative technical advances that come from them. He believes strongly in the power of imagination at h2g2. If you have more specific questions, I'd be happy to take them to the Celery.

Yes. Could I just mention something here? I do in fat think that your policy to do with promoting the imagination is a very well concieved idea!
My whole life on h2g2, my VR life that is, was born of my imagination years ago...
I made it better as years went by, until you see me now...
Erm, if you want a laugh, check out my picture...I don't know if it's in the rogues gallary yet, so here's the URL...
[Broken link removed by Moderator]...

I love the picture! I think the sleeves may be a bit long on your jacket

Well...I'm quite proud of the picture!
It's my first attempt at drawing a human...
I'm doing my Vice's picture too, and that should be up tomorrow...
It won't be animated though...

*Peregrin claps politely, wipes away a tear, quietly drops a herring behind the radiator, and promptly leaves*

*Redbeard notices something fishy... spots herring*
Nope, it's not red.
*takes it out to the trash*

*Affy whispers into his watch, probably warning the security cameras to keep a close eye on Peregrin*

*aside to Affi* Did anybody frisk that herring before he was shown the door?