h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The chief lifeguard is - has no-one looked at the main page at all?

*blinks eyes rapidly, gazes in awe through tears at beautiful pool and sunshine*
So this is what the world looks like outside that bar...WOW!!!! I think I might have to give up my duties as bar wench and move my sandwich making ventures out here. Are all the lifeguarding positions filled? I would enjoy guarding a life, just not sure if I am actually up to saving any, just guarding that's all....

Yep - the beach and the pool are what the world looks like outside the bar. So, what position as a lifeguard would you like, Sandwhich Maker? Or if you head to the beach, you can get a job there if you would like.

The rest of you - as you cannot, unfortunately, use your helicopters in the swimming pool, as shop steward I have campaigned and got you the right to have your own V. fast speedboats. Afterall, the swimming pool is so huge that you "need a bl**dy gondola to get about". What kind of speed boat would you like?

instead of a speed boat -- could i get a jet ski? ive always wanted one of those!
thanks
-saffire

Yes, you can have a jet-ski! One jet ski coming up Any extras that you want with it?
Unfortunately, the rest of us cannot have speedboats, the deal crashed at the last minute (nasty speedboat company) but I have managed to negotiate with Saunders-Roe of the Isle of Wight, and they are sponsoring us by building us some hovercraft. (The variety not full of eels.)

I could always do some alterations on my Sea King helicopter to get it to operate indoors...

Pweeeeeese?

thanks bluebottle!
how can a helicopter operate indoors??
-saffire

I don't know - but as you're an amoeba, you can fit in a radio-controlled sea king helicopter that Would fit in the pool. By the way, why are you a lifeguard anyway as if you're amoeba size, how are you going to give mouth-to-mouth anyway as you have no mouth? You're more likely to be swallowed.

When somebody, particularly a bikini babe, needs saving, I miraculously metamorphose into a handsome hunk, and then I can give them mouth-to mouth... resuscitation, that is...

Ah, I understand...
If I see any female amoebas, I'll let you know.

A handsome HUMAN hunk, that is... so I can help female humans just as much as female amoebas...

Yes, I can appreciate that.

That's good, as long as you don't think I'm limited in my lifeguarding abilities...

I would never dream of thinking that!

i didnt even know amoebas had gender! (i was going to write 'had sex' but that would just be silly)
-saffire

I didn't think they did... Still, RA seems to think that he'll only kiss/ I mean give mouth-to-mouth to female persons.

I am MALE! I think... Let me just check... Yep! I am!

And he's smiling too, folks!

awwwww isnt RA so so happy
-saffire