h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Er, hi, I was wondering if I could get a job or something.
I could design a for you.

*crashes through the roof*

Marvellous! I've been trying to motivate these people to develop time travel for ages now! Temporal custard!

*looks at hole in the roof* Where did that come from?

*uses the more conventional method of the front door to enter*

Random security check!

*Heads straight towards the drink cabinet*

This is being confiscated!

oh no you dont...
not without a good explenation!

so much chaios for a laboratory....
*nervously rubs hands while looking around*

That's LeRue, Chief of Security, to those who don't know.

*sees what LeRue is confiscating and goes to join him*

must... kill messy people....
urge to kill those not conforming by lab standerds rising...

*hurriedly hands Anthea pile of paperclips to organise by yamfullness, and returns to spluttering in disbelief at envelope*

This... This... Its...!

*Taps Nuge on the chest*

Dish shtuff if ver shecurity, ver ver shecurity *hic*

*Glances around*

*A phrase comes to mind*

M'perogative sho it ish *hic*.

Ah... ah... butits... whassaword... this thing, iss, issa... whaddyacallit... a WOMAN. Yeah. Cos, cos, cos, you think y'know what's going on, then it kicksyouinna... inna... teef. Yeah. Then it opens iss big black heart to ya again, andya, andya go back, cos, cos she's allyou HAVE, see?

Ahhhgh!
dunken Fools!!!
*puts paperclips down neatly on the desk and grabs a spatula instead*
I'll kill them!
I'll kill them all...

Drunk? Who's drunk? I'm notta... notta... thingy... drinker. Yeah. Thassaword.

*Wonders if Nuge's previous drunken speel was an oblique reference to Sam Vimes at the beginnign of Guards! Guards! Gives up and takes a *

*runs towards AFGNCAAP with a blunt slightly rusting scalple and attempts to stab him in the sholder*

Anthea - if you miss the shoulder, aim for the head - that way you'll do less damage!

*To no-one in particular* I go on holiday for a week and the place ends up in uproar!

geddon they were drinking alcohol... and making a mess...
and

now i must kill them all

Do so by all means and with extreme prejudice, but do't destroy the alcohol. I need it for an experiment!

*is impressed by AfGANCAAP's literary knowlege, and stumbles drunkly around a bit more*

*Tries not to be outstumbled by Nuge. Also is impressed by AfGANCAAP's literary knowlege*

Sho Nuge, what yoursh telling me risht, ish... woman. Risht. A boggle of whishkey ish a woman.

*Begining to get extremely worried about Nuges sex life*
*And also play Colon to Nuge's Vimes, Pratchett aficionados... I Know Your Out There!*

are they coming out of the woodwork or something

Mr Nuge sir please I must insist you leave and take your drunken comraides with you i shall not stand for such tomfoolery in a place of scientific research!

*stabs his own chest with his finger* Iss MY... whassit... place. I'mma... I'mma... OWNER! Yeah, an'... an'... an' I wanna shleep. *collapses, then rises almost vertically into a standing position* An' another fing, issa buildin', iss notta whiskey... whickey... Mm... WHISKEY!!! *downs a bottle of amber liquid* Shi... shi... shi... Dang. Iss apple juice. *staggers over to the drinks cupboard*