h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Measures LeRues's height, width, arm and leg length, etc with a measuring stick.*

Ah, Mr. LeRue, would you mind stepping onto this weighing scale?

*resignedly walks onto the weighing scales*

*Notes down his mass.*

Excellent! Now, would you please step into this cyclinder thing? It'll be fun! Absolutely no danger of you being fired out of any sort of cannon, which this thing definitely is not!

LeRue - Have about a bowlful of nice pink custard?

It's nice...
we promice

Ooh! That's the radioact-GLUMPH! *hands have been clapped over Nuge's mouth*

ITs Pink Custard - Thats all!

nothing else,
and there's nothing wrong with it
I would have some but... I have an unfortunate custard allergy...

And I would, but I don't accept custard from anyone stranger than I am.

I despise custard. Once got some in my eye when I was three... true story.

Wimps, the pair of you.
*Takes spoon from pocket, a spoonful of custard,and pours down throat*
Great, tasty.

*dives behind a table*

Nuge, Nothing's going to happen

Its radioactive, you fool! You could detonate! The robotic indigestion machine I installed in your stomach could blow with the radiation!

Nuge - Thus stuff IS safe - you know why

Ooh... twas the sandwiches which were radioactive. Oops.


*aside* What was the custard for, then?

to stop any internal things from messing up the velocity calculations
you would be surprised at the drag factor that happens if your intestine gets loose....

I see. Getting guts ripped out midflight would be rather depressing for anyone nearby... Any other weaponry ideas? Or manpower recruitment ideas? Or other ways to annoy LeRue?

Food and lubrication

...thanks for that...