h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*It's been a long day at the kitchens both upstairs and down, but finally, they are finished, no less than a dozen multi-shelf commercial culinary carts neatly stacked with cream pies. Many, many pies. Chocolate, lemon, coconut, key lime and vanilla custard, all loaded haphazardly into refrigerated shelves.*

*The carts are now being taken down to the beach, courtesy of bots from CLI, where they will rest, covered with mosquito netting and guarded by a security detail. Some distance downwind a large pile of wood awaits ignition, and in between a large grill has been set up, with tables adjoining on which plates and silverware, condiments, napkins -- everything but fresh food -- have been set up, ready for the start of tomorrow's Fourth of July/Bastille Day picnic.*

*Also in evidence is a laundry cart full of brightly-colored bath towels and, some distance upwind of the bonfire, a large metal box with a padlock, over which armed CLI bots stand guard.*

*At the moment the scene is serene, as waves beat regularly onto the wide, inviting beach, seagulls call, and the bots stand motionless, waiting for the command to move the pie carts to the battle area, up the beach from the picnic and bonfire site, where the carts will be arranged in a line, each cart twenty-five yards from the next.*

Glad to see the pies are refrigerated Lil. As they may lose some structural integrity if they warm up. Nobody would want to throw a sloppy pie. ...I take it there is a small bridge and stream on the beach for the pooh sticks comp. ?

*a group of bots arrives at the beach carrying food and refreshments like the porters in an old African B movie. Number Eleven takes charge of setting up the bar, while two other bots fire up the grill and begin laying out chicken, ribs, kebab skewers and steaks, along with baking potatoes and sweet corn. Still other bots places bowls of salads on the main table*

*Lil follows the crowd down and wanders around, supervising the setup*

Ah, hello Tod! Yes, round that bend is the mouth of the h2g2 river, and there's a nice bridge, big enough to kayak under. I wonder what became of the maps Amy did of h2g2 a dozen years ago? She delineated the river, along with the rest of the waterworks that Bluebottle established. You really ought to explore the river some time.

Anyway, I must get back up to my apartments and dress for the battle, er, party.

*Tries to unfold map: A416918 but whenever I do the wind picks up just at the wrong moment...*

<BB<

*Whistles nonchalantly as he wheels out a small catering cart with Mandatory Squeaking Wheel and a large cloth covering its contents. Once the cart reaches its destination, he waves at Lil*

Out of curiosity, might there be a need for prizes? I have five... appropriate items here. I doubt they'd be fair play for regulation pie fighting, but I think the victor might appreciate these prototypes before we finalize the design and take them to market.

*a 5'7" 20lb cotton bond paper doll flies by*

Help! I *knew* I should've stayed in the Salon...

*Lil returns to the beach, wearing a one-piece black tanksuit over which the harkonnen is strapped, and carrying a tote bag full of beach essentials in her right hand. In her left hand is a large soaker gun*

Affi! So good to see you here. And prizes is fantastic! Makes me feel ambitious -- I haven't picked up any new inventory in a very long time.

*looks up and sees Amy soar past* Are you flying on purpose?

*jumps up and down in excitement*

NOooooooo...

*lilac shakes out her Matt and, unfortunately, creates a draught in Amy's direction*


Oh hum.... sorry

*Milla brings a paper kite, covers it in sticky-note-glue, and releases it towards Amy*

Try to fling yourself at it, and I'll reel you in! Don't worry about the glue, you'll peel right off when you're safe.

*starts building a wind shelter for Amy. Remembers that she might want to move around. Perhaps one of those flipchart easels on wheels might work?*

*There is a faint sniffing sound coming from somewhere up the beach, behind a sand dune*

Can anyone remember the the rules of the triathlon we'd been planning?

Um, well, there was the race to collect pooh sticks, and then the usual part on the bridge... We didn't specify rules about the first part, though. A certain number of sticks, a certain size? This is a magic forest, by the way, you'll find that the sticks don't break.

We could have Tod be our referee for the second part, since he's a kayaker.

What should be the third leg, though? Actually, this is the perfect time and place to sort out the rules. And eat. I think the meat will be ready soon...

*appears, wearing what appears to be a dressing gown in pale blue silk that billows around her like large wings in the light breeze*

*underneath the gown is a swimsuit adorned with a short skirt*

*the swimsuit looks as if it's made of large deep blue fish scales with a metallic glimmering of purple and gold around the edge of each scale*

*the vague and elf-like appearance is somewhat hampered by Ripley, hanging on her back like a rucksack*

Did someone mention food?

*finally manages to catch the kite*

Titania - don't let HRASC catch you! Our Lil's a member
See: A229303

We could replace the triathlon with a 3-legged race?|

<BB<

*gently reels the kite in, so Amy doesn't peel off prematurely*

*wanders around admiring the view*

*A small mound of sand appears at the bottom of the distant sand dune, as if pushed up from below. The mound slowly snakes it's way towards the pie rack.*