h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Leans over to spit out a wad of PAG, and hears a "whoooosh" as a somewhat heavy and gritty pie flies by where his head used to be. Straightens up and notices the squid with the sword. Is momentarily confused, thinking the PAG he just spit out had turned into a squid. With a sword.

Looks at the squid. Looks at the sea. Looks at the squid*

HOW YOU BREATHE?

[ooc]
For those who don't know, PAG = Prolonged Absence Gum (tm Crater Labs). In adventures such as this, if a player needs to be away for a longish time, his character can pop in some PAG and the action can continue around him, with his character just going along for the ride.
[/ooc]

**as she reaches down to pluck the bottle of wine from the sand, nbb's barrage of pies flies past, splatting two of the CLI bots and knocking over an entire cart of pies*

1937! We need to let this wine rest in a cool dark place. *she sticks the bottle into a standing-up cart, as the bots wipe cream from their sensors, turn toward the sailors manning the cannon, grab pies, and begin sprinting up the beach, knowing that the cannon needs reloading with pies before it can fire again*

*the rest of the securibots unholster their freeze guns and join the chase (and as soon as you the picture of CLI securibots, you'll know that they can run very fast)*

[ooc]
If you're shooting at your own ammo, you can't be very close to it, methinks...

freeze guns: this is another bit of established CLI technology. When hit, the victim becomes encased in a mound of heavy snow. There is a long history of battles with enormous snowballs between CLI and their mortal enemies in STUMPED -- hence the quick availability of a trebuchet.
[/ooc]

*Lil watches the bots speed up the beach* That cannon will look really nice in the garden by the terrace.

*there’s a whistling sound overhead, actually quite a few whistling sounds across several registers*

*the multiple whistling objects in the air above are traveling from offshore and converging on the beach*

*as a matter of fact, they are converging on the Pie Monster and El Squid de Castilla*

*the whistling sound changes tone as the projectiles arc downward, and El Squid turns from accosting the Pie Monster*

Madre de Dios! It is a fusillade of fresh desserts!

*he swings around and brings up his red shield embossed with castles and lions...just in time*

*pie after pie smashes into the shield, caroming and splattering in a spray of various delectable fruits and fillings*

*there’s still pie parts raining down all around when El Squid peeks from behind the shield*

Traitorous villain! You would attack a warrior--a Spaniard!--from his back?! When we meet face-to-face Senor Diabólico, I will make sure you repent of your treachery!

*finishes ffllpppff-ing and digging out pie from his eyes and ears in time to watch the barrage splatter over El Squid's shield and hear unexpected French music*

Impressive amount of fruit splatter there!

*carefully watches the sky and immediate surroundings, plots a safe route to the pie & drinks carts*

*selects a deliciously looking pie that seems to hold indecent amounts of chocolate*

Hmmm, don't mind if I do - and a glass of Dow '63 should go very well with that

*sits down in semi-shade and eats and drinks slowly and contemplatingly*

[ooc]
'Ang on 'ere, where's the cannon?
[/ooc]

[ooc]
On nbb's ship.
[/ooc]

Over there. On the Cruise Ship. Size of the Queen Mary. {B4 goes back to tapping the virtual display over his WHAT/NEXT, sliding images of levers, cogs, and straps across the screen. He 'pulls' a section of the illustrated parts breakdown closer for a better view, then has an "ah-ha!" moment.}

Okay, bots... ? ... Hey! Are you the lead bot here? Doesn't matter. Come check this out. {He points to an overlay of nano-materials forming a new set of connections and swipes upward to reveal a table of comparison statistics.} See the difference in rate of fire, accuracy, and overall ammo through-put?

B4iinvokethetinylittleitsybitsybuilders2reconstructthetrebuchet

"Size of the Queen Mary"

Actually no - I'm on the Queen Vic, which is a fair bit shorter than the good old QM (which I have also been on - in fact I've visited and cruised on all the current Queens, as well as the QE2)

But the Queen Vic is definitely the best on the grounds that none of the other cruise ships have mounted pie cannons

[Take 2]


Over there. On the Cruise Ship. Size of the Queen Victoria. {B4 goes back to tapping the virtual display over his WHAT/NEXT{...etc.}

[/Take 2]
B4wegointoSummerreruns

*Also hears the incoming pies. Tries to crouch behind the squid and his shield, but then realizes that the shield would cover something less than a tenth of his bulk and also, these are ... incoming pies!

Stands up and opens mouth wide, just in time to receive several pies in the mouth and many more on other parts of his body, not to mention flying fruit off of the squid's shield. After the barrage has finished, PM lifts up the squid and gives him a big hug, then puts him down.*

BEST PARTY EVER!

[ooc]
It's not clear everyone has the same idea where nbb's ship is located.

Since pies etc. are being fired from the ship and hitting the beach, we can assume that the ship is within cannon range - i.e. it is within sight of the beach (which in turn is on h2g2 island). Having such a giant ship visit h2g2 island is unusual, but we can fit it into the continuity as just one of those things. It will need to be accounted for going forward, however.

I think what happened was that nbb confused his real life person with his character here. The real life person, who I presume is really aboard a real life cruise ship, cannot interact with h2g2 island directly - only his h2g2 character can. If nbb waves from the ship to people on h2g2, it's his h2g2 character that is waving, which means his h2g2 character is visible from the beach, which means the ship is visible too. There's a bit of a breach of continuity, since he just showed up on the ship without any explanation of how he got there, or how the ship got here, but we have ignored that and continued on. Now, however, it has been established that the ship is here, with nbb aboard with a cannon.

So, play on, and make your actions explainable within the continuity that has been established.
[/ooc]

Post 99: Nosebagbadger jumps off ship in the Med and swims to HooToo Island.

Post 104: Can't fight trebuchet without better armament; decides to filch a cannon from nearby frigate (that none of us knew was anchored just off the beach).

Post 111: Nosebagbadger ducks under shade on HooToo Island to assess what pies seem most delicious for pilfering.

Post XXX: He ordered his lackies aboard the Queen Victoria-sized ship to send a "fusillade of fresh desserts" [sic El Squid] to target pie cart / Pie Monster / El Squid (inadvertently).

B4someoneassignsme2BtheContinuityOfficer(likeihaveneverbrokenContinuityB4!)

By the way, Nosebagbadger, after I left the Noesis Way-Station, I heard you'd finally purloined the Trophy in the "Last to Post on This Thread" thread. I think you may be mistaken. {B4 scoops several handfuls of sand, reaches down, and pulls forth a gleaming trophy.}

I won.

B4thisgeneratesawholenewthreadofsillinessasanoffshoot

Despropósito! It is not enough to have to deal with El Diablo who wishes to ruin the Festival, but now we have to deal with Continent-- Continuum-- Contestants-- BAH! --with a silly little slip of the lip in order to determine if pies were shot, were shielded, were eaten?


*El Squid places four of his eight walking tentacles upon his forehead, still brandishing his sword and shield in the longer 'arm' tentacles*

*he turns to face the Audience (thereby breaking the fourth wall and the third law of robotics) and pantomimes a huge shrug*

We can simply move on now, yes?

[ooc]

Nice summary, B4 - thanks.

However, in post 99, nbb legs it to h2g2 island, gets pies and legs it back. It's the "legs it back" that put him back in the med in my mind. Then, there is some confusion over the frigate and the Queen Vic - it appears nbb took the cannon from a neaby frigate (in the med, presumably) and put it on the Queen Vic. He fired his volley of pies from the med, because he stated this:

"It (or they) was launched a fair while back, but it's taking a while to travel from the med to the Atelier beach"

So, apparently, the ship nbb is on is the Queen Vic, and it is in the med. Hence my comments on continuity. We can take this one of two ways:
1) Ignore the previous continuity breaches, and assume that nbb is in some ship, just off the beach
2) nbb is in the med on the Queen Vic and he has some sort of magic cannon that can fire very long distances. Taken from a random frigate.

Perhaps 2 is the safest, since it doesn't impose actions on nbb, although it means the bots will have a long way to run (but then again, nbb "legged it" from his ship to h2g2 and back in one post)..
[/ooc]

[ooc]
Maybe nbb raided the mufflewhump basket in the salon at some point... After all, I tend to "lose" the vast majority of mufflewhumps I bring on any adventure, since they tend to be a deus ex machina, which is no fun, though handy for resupply.

And Flamedancer's training is about to break over at the bbq, I think
[/ooc]

[ooc]
QED -- without proper adherence to the rules of Continuity, the made-up-as-we-go-along plot descends into confusion.
[/ooc]

*the bots stop at the shore line; they are made for running, not swimming. They appear to be communicating, especially after one of them fires his freeze gun into the ocean, generating a snow cone that melts and is carried off almost immediately*

*all the other bots turn and stare at the shooter, who tries to stare back, but fails after a few seconds -- then suddenly turns, sprints back up the beach and heads up the trail to the atelier*

*the rest of the bots wait expectantly (it's hard not to anthropomorphize a CLI bot)*

*Meanwhile, in the forest, there is nothing...wait, what was that?...oh, it was nothing. Definitely not a bear.*

*El Squid doesn't notice the "nothing. Definitely not a bear."*

*he's too wrapped up in the Con-- [forget it]*

*one can tell by the fact all of his non-Medieval-weapon-bearing tentacles are literally wound around various parts of his body*

*it's a wonder he can see*

*he peeks from behind a tentacle, notices the Pie Monster still standing in the vicinity, and half-heartedly waves the sword at him*

You hug a Spaniard? You HUG the El Squid?!

*his body leans forward and the diamond-shaped fins on either side of his head hang limply*

*he looks up at the Pie Monster, a crease furrowed between his wide-set eyes*

It was a manly hug, no? Compadres, si?

*he nods, expecting the mound of blue fur to do the same*

You cannot be this perpetrator of evil doings. My apologies, Senor...

*he stands on all eight tentacles, bows, and sheathes the sword*