h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Gazes (which here means stares suspiciously through squinted eyes) at B4, considering (which here means grunting and scratching his head) his words. Comes to a decision (which here means temporarily follows one course of action) and relaxes (which here means drops down to all fours and sits). Even sitting Spike is taller than B4.*

I have given careful consideration to your proposal and while I am not convinced of it's veracity, I have decided that the advantages that would ensue should you be sincere outweigh the consequences should you be equivocating. As a result I shall grant you temporary charter to represent the Pooh family in the forthcoming competition to which you allude, using the Pooh stick already in your possession. As this is one of the finer sticks in my collection, I expect a superlative result. I will be observing surreptitiously. But be warned: if I observe any suspicious behavior on your part, your future will be significantly shorter than previously expected.

As I was the one who (apparently) proposed this triathlon I shall not be participating but shall instead act as umpire and arbiter.

First up, I shall inspect the Pooh sticks to be used

*thoroughly regards the Pooh stick held by B4*

This would appear to clearly fall within the designated rules and restrictions, when such a Pooh stick is submitted that falls outside them, I shall announce what they are

*cackles*


*grabs a pie*

B4 is in the forest. The pies are in carts along the beach. Aspire to continuity. What became of the sailors?

You know what, GDZ? Nobody has thrown a pie at El Squid yet. Just sayin'. I wonder whether those interesting mer-people would like to throw pies? We could roll one of the carts down to the water.

*the bots have been creating several more pie balls and now fire another at the ship that is still on the horizon, nobody having moved it*

BOOOOOMMMMMM!!

*wonders why lil shot at an innocent ship that had just appeared at the wrong time*

(past)

"*asks his minions what became of the pie ball fired at his ships, they shrug their shoulders in confusion while wails equally of terror and delight rise up from the departing liner*"

{B4 gulps, yet his upraised arm holding the mighty Pooh Stick does not waver. He lowers it reverentially and cradles it in his arms.}

I will do my utmost to uphold the fair spirit of the competition in the name of Pooh!

Thank you for your consent to use this fine Pooh Stick. I shall return it to you after the games. {He gives a quick bow, does an about-face, and marches quickly along the path leading from the Forest back to the Beach. All the while his back quivers, as if in expectation of a new set of furrows.}

B4thehacklesonmybackcauseme2runlikemad

*Melts into the forest (which here means crashes off into the underbrush). The forest floor is curiously devoid of sticks, as if they had all been collected and taken somewhere (which here means a large cave, currently occupied by a large bear).*

That is an awesome idea Lil!

*Gets up and rolls a pie cart out into the water*

*El Squid de Castilla dismounts from the shoulders of Pie Monster*

*he claps Pie Monster on the back with one appendage*

Compadre, you and I, we need to find a Cantina after this is all over. I will gladly buy you rounds of drinks…

*he looks at the remnants of the attacks still clinging to the big blue furrball*

…or perhaps an entire table of local desserts!

*he goes back-to-back with Pie Monster and sweeps his Sword Tizona in a wide flat arc before the gathered Merfolk*

I have no quarrel with you, Cousins. However, if you wish to pursue this course of action, let it be done mano a mano. Choose your best contender and we will throw the pies at one another from ten paces. No other weapons. Only skill and agility.

*he lowers the sword and the shield*

¿ Vamos a comenzar…?

*unbeknownst to the mouse, the pie she is happily munching is at the front of its shelf in the pie cart.*

Nom nom nom

{B4 steps from the cover of the trees out onto the sandy Beach, and halts, taking in the various activities unfolding before him. Should he embroil himself in what appears to be a confrontation between a squid and a furry hulk versus a ring of Mermen and Mermaids? No. He's just finished getting his adrenaline up by facing an enormous Bear. Should he engage in conversation with the CLI bots as they readjust the pie carts and the pie cannon? No. He'd inevitably notice something that needs an upgrade, and he'd get distracted with the technological details of honing it to perfection. Should he take a few moments to relax in the shade with a tall cool Long Island Iced Tea and nibble on some of the enticing victuals from the serving tables? Yes! Sold to the Betelgeusan! He trudges across the sandy verge while carrying the entrusted Pooh Stick, snags some snacks, confiscates a cool libation, and parks his posterior on an awaiting lounge chair under a large shade umbrella.}

B4someoneasksmewhereigotthefinespecimenofaPoohStick

*Responds over his shoulder to the squid*

DON'T WORRY. ME STRONG! THEY NO HURT YOU.

*Faces the merfolk.*

WHAT YOU WANT?

*Pops a few sticks of PAG in his mouth, enough to last till Monday*

[ooc]
Off to an Elvis Festival for the weekend! Filled with Elvis impersonators and lots of 50's events and shows. Never been before, but sounds great.
[/ooc]

*Affy stops ducking behind the pie cart and stares at the squid and merfolk*

A potential pie duel between people like that would be a sight to behold... I'd better make sure that plenty of whipped cream is available to make the pies appropriately topped in case it happens.

*He begins crawling into the forest, apparently believing a nearby supply line will be there for some reason, not really noticing the lack of sticks as he moves into the underbrush*

*The zigzagging pie finally catches up with zigzagging Witty and plops directly onto her posterior. She quickly scrapes off the pie before a certain Pie Monster notices.*

Well, I suppose that could have been worse. Time to get a

[ooc]
It's been almost a month, since the festivities began. It's almost August.
...and it looks like we've lost our steam.
. . .
Do we expect this to finish, or will it hang in limbo?
[\ooc]
B4someonecomesupwiththemotivationalimpetus2getALLofusbackonboard4arousingfinish

Lost our stream?

Most careless


*watches the tide come in around the sandbanks*

[ooc]
Yeah, how can we hold a Pooh Sticks competition if we've lost our stream? No way to float them. Spike the Pooh will be ~so~ mad!
[\ooc]

B4irelocate2anotherplanetjust2avoidthewrathofthebear

*digs a channel from the sea to the stream*

Whatever floats your boat, hunny

Watches as the incoming tide pushes sticks up the stream

We might need to wait a few hours

Oops!

*While out on a routine stick patrol, notices the tide pushing some sticks up the stream. Wades in and gathers up the sticks. Returns to the cave and deposits the sticks there. As he relaxes in the sun outside the cave entrance, the fur that had gotten wet in the stream begins to steam.*

[ooc]
There. Got the stream and the steam back.
[/ooc]