h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*With a last longing look at the pies, Flamedancer goes to Amy*

*Spots Ripley on her way and gives him a lick in passing*

*Stretches out hand to Amy*
I think the wind has died down, perhaps you'll be ok now? Or maybe put glue on your feet and let the sand stick to them, and keep you down?

[Dame Edith Evans voice]
A ~Pie~ Monster??
[/]

*leans closer and uses blue fur to clear cream from her eyes*

Why, so it is. Bots, would you kindly deal with this?

*turns to head toward the ocean as originally planned, and inadvertently puts herself in KM's cross hairs, while the bots unholster their hand weapons and aim at the Pie Monster, with intent to freeze him*

Thanks!

No, if I glue sand to myself, then I can't go into the salon until the glue gives out--somehow I don't think sand in the furniture and all over the floors would be appreciated. You flesh folk can clean off a bit easier.

*Meanwhile, there is absolutely nothing to see in the woods. Definitely no large bears.*

*Staggers back after being run into by … a mobile, person-shaped pie!*

YUM! PIE!

*Inexplicably, the mobile person-shaped pie rubs itself on Pie Monster's belly, says something and wanders off. Pie Monster makes an attempt at licking his belly, then looks around, embarrassed, to see if anyone saw. Catches sight of the bots taking aim. Stamps his foot, causing a sand shockwave to ripple outwards towards the bots. Sees another human winding up to throw a pie at him and opens his mouth wide to receive it.*

After selecting a particularly vicious looking PMD. Tod launches his pie not at a salonista but towards the the pie monster. His aim is true.

*Lil floats down to the ocean and lets the harkonnen carry her out beyond the surf line, where she can be seen scrubbing custard out of her hair*

*The pie thrown by todaymueller is somewhat larger than Pie Monster's open mouth, but the bulk of it makes it in there, with the rest distributing itself around the opening.*

Nom nom nom.

*PM rather largish tongue cleans up the pie on his face. A huge grin spreads across PM's face.*

MORE PIE, MORE PIE!

*interrupts her discussion with Ripley about how to make her attire more suitable*

DON'T FEED IT! IT'LL ONLY MAKE IT BIGGER - AND STRONGER!

*Glares at Titania*

ME LIKE ROAST SLOTH ALMOST AS MUCH AS PIE.

*Glances meaningfully at the bonfire makings, then back at Ripley. Feeling he has made his point, starts hopping around on the sand and calls out to the other salonistas*

BET YOU CAN'T HIT ME! NA NA NA-NA NA!

*Stands still with his mouth open in anticipation.*

*Hears threat to Ripley*

Glancing at Ripley and then looking at the hot coals in the BBQ, Florida Sailor selects a large Boston Cream Pie and flings it at the side of the monster's head.

F S

Um, maybe wolf-riding's not the best idea right now...

I'll just bury my feet, shall I?

So that's how it is, eh?

*Stows iPad and grasps in her left hand. Selects a nice, sticky lemon meringue pie from Affy's special selection and let's it rip frisbee style at the pie monster.*

*Yar is grinning cheekily, but then sours when Ripley is threatened*

[Yar] Okay, I was gonna play along for fun, but threatening Ripley? That's NO good! TAAAAKE THIS!

*He sends the pie flying towards the Pie Monster, but before it gets close, its course changes direction, hovering about ten feet above it, seemingly out of reach. He also gains a few Unrelated Points for making two Sonic the Hedgehog references in a row.*

*emerges from the water, at least temporarily clean*

*sees the pies being flung and looks longingly toward NBB's bunker* Did that blue beast just threaten our Ripley? *accelerates to a different pie safe and has a word with the guards there. They in turn radio a message back to HQ*

*Lil picks up a pie and, floating back toward the pie monster, flings it with all her might. Unfortunately, she neglects to think through the consequences of her floating state: she whirls around backwards several time and the pie leaves her hand at a random trajectory*

{Seemingly out of nowhere, a blueberry pie arcs surreptitiously into B4's peripheral vision. There's no time to react. The pie strikes him in the side of the face, splattering in a wide spray, peppering the sand beyond him in dark blue flecks. The remainder of the pie stuffing slides down onto his shoulder and plops in various-sized chunks at his feet.}

Ummfff! Hut the weck? >phthrrbtt!< Blueberry pie?

{He wipes a large glob away with his hand, flinging it in the direction of the Pie Monster, not bothering to check if the critter ingests the remnants. B4 touches a button on his wristwatch. There's a shimmering glow around him and--in the blink of a Bugblatter Beast's eye--he's clean and tidy again.}

Where's the ammo?
{He trudges over to one of the Pie Carts and selects a steaming Streusel.}
Who to target...who to target?
{No one in the near vicinity looks menacing--except Yar and the furry blue critter. B4 makes a snap decision and launches the German pie.}
B4thisgetstotallymessy&outofcontrol

I'm the man on the Flaming Pie

*pops out of nowhere - well, from the Faroe Islands and even as they're actually beautiful, they're small enough to be almost nowhere in the middle of an awful lot of Atlantic*

I am back And I can see that you almost...

*SPLAT*

*The out of nowhere seems to be right in the trajectory of B4's German pie*

Plfff plufff ffllpppff!

I can take this as a welcome?