h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

yes, yes, I have heard that word, MR. I personally have embraced it and made it my own.

[GD]

[Hyp]

[Sol]

Sorry to arrive at such an uncertain time. Actually I think it might have been because it is such an uncertain time that I chose to delurk, though that wasn't a conscious impulse. Uncertainty can have much in common with openness so it seems less daunting to jump in while everything is in flux. Anyway, thank you all for the welcome. Don't worry about Fatty, she's a shy little lizard so she doesn't say much. Where I go she will be around also and if you ask her a direct question she will probably answer you. I hope that's OK.

Odd that domestic violence has come up. At work last night (directory enquiries) I took a call from a woman wanting the number for a pub (bar). She sounded very upset and the number wasn't listed by the name she gave. I was trying to find the number and keep talking to her as soothingly as possible. Hearing a sympathetic vioce just made her fall apart. She told me that her husband was at the pub that she was looking for and that he had been beating her for years. She wanted the number of the pub to get some unspecified revenge on him. I calmed her down a little and rather than find the number for the pub (which I probably could have done) I gave her the national number for Women's Aid and explaind who they are and that they would be able to help her. I also told her that I thought it would be better for her to talk to people who could help her to heal than to try to get revenge. It's been bothering me since because I really don't know if I did the right thing. We're not trained to give advice and I could probably get into trouble with work for interfering as much as I did, though that is not what bothers me. So, is it better to try to help in such a situation, even without having the right training? Or/and have I done a really bad thing?

Speckly - still thinking about emotions, relationships and parents. now.

I would say that you handled it well. Sometimes all it takes is knowing that another human being cares.

*the gardenerbot comes up the stairs and collects all the calling cards for mulch, then tromps back downstairs and out to the shed*

*Lil, who has been napping in a corner most of the day, picks up her tea mug and throw and waves goodnight weakly*

I hope to feel better tomorrow, thanks. It's been interesting to listen to, and I hope DD and FC aren't really angry with each other!

[MTG sorry I have no comments, been a long day]

Speckly, you have without a shadow of a doubt done the right thing.

You know how chance encounters can completely change the course of your life? Well, I strongly suspect that her guardian angel put you on the other end of the phone that night to be a chance encounter for her. It is odd to be a bit-part in someone else's life, but it is also cool.

Womens Aid are about breaking the cycle of violence; she was set on continuing it. Very very well done indeed.

Ben

I second that. You didn't give her direct advice that may or may not have escalated the situation. You calmed her down and gave her the choice to do something constructive dealing with it.

The danger would have been in attempting to 'counsel' her and offer unqualified advice. Instead you pointed her to people who could do that.

I would say well done, Speckly.

And a for Lil, I hope you've managed to have a good night's sleep and feel better this morning.

*looks at Ripley who is sitting bolt upright, looking a bit confused after having caught a glimpse of the lizard*

I agree Speckly - I think it was the right (and the best) thing to do

Speckly, I too agree, if she *had* performed some feat of revenge, she may have felt better short term, but might well end up regetting it, no matter how much he deserved it.

By passing her on to folk who could offer propper counciling, you may have changed her life for the better

Speckly I think that you did the right thing. We all have to do what we think is right after all.

I haven't lived with my parents for more than 3 days since I left home, but I know that is me rather than them, whilst I have a good relationship with them, living where I used to live, and visiting that town and those people are part of my unhappy past that I want to move away from. If they come to visit me it's always a more plesent experience.

Ironically when thinking about where I want to live and work I want it t be somewhere fairly simalar to the New Town I grew up in. Just not it.

I too would like to add my agreement that you did the spot on right thing there Speckly

Though you are probably also right that management would take a dim view of it. I mean, you spent time talking to a customer rather than just banging out a number and moving on. Shock horror! Of course what management wouldn't realise is that you've most likely made a customer for life out of the person. Anyway, I wouldn't worry, they don't record *all* the calls do they?

Morning all

Just caught up with the postings to date - I haven't had as much leisure/hootoo time recently as I'd have liked.

B4 - hope you got things sorted out with your wife. Don't feel too bad about your child witnessing the argument - just make sure she sees you making-up too. I think we can overprotect children sometimes and it's good for them to see that people can fall out but be able to resolve their difficulties later. Some of my own problems with being unable to handle confrontation stem from an overprotected childhood where 'nasty' things were abruptly shoved under carpets.

My daughter just paid us a huge compliment this week when we celebrated 26 yrs marriage - she said she thought her parents had 'the perfect relationship'. I told her it wasn't perfect - just 'good-enough'. And I think that's all we can aim for sometimes - to be a good-enough parent/wife/friend. It's just too exhausting trying to be perfect all the time .

On the theme of 'children' leaving home - my own Ma reckons the best way to keep your kids is to let them go. An empty nest is a difficult place to be - it signals the end of a phase in your life and another reminder of getting older. I struggled with our move 3yrs ago when we left two children behind, 450 miles away. It seemed to go against the grain of normality - they're supposed to grow-up and leave you, not the other way round - and they're supposed to go one at a time so you get a chance to get used to the idea.

Hope this hasn't been too long winded or over-personal.
T

Hi Teuchter, as a specialist in long, over-winded and personal posts in this forum, I thought it was fine!

>> it's good for them to see that people can fall out but be able to resolve their difficulties later.

That is such a good point. It is *so* important to teach children how to kiss and make up, and you cannot do that if they are kept 'unaware' of the tiffs in the first place. 'Unaware' is in quotes because of course they know. They have radar.

B

I can personally attest to children's radar. I had it all during my childhood. I could always tell when my parents were trying not to fight in front of me, because the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I'm afraid my daughter has some of that too.

Although hopefully, that will be over soon!

Off to bed now, because it's some ungodly hour of the morning here, and I am just now winding down from work tonight. I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

And that isn't sarcasm. I really do. Ask Courtesy. I hang out, I introduce people to non-swill beer...ah, the pleasures of being a beer goddess.

Hi there. Checking in for the weekend. TGIS.
A.M.

Speaking of emotions - I wish that there was a built-in phoney blush or something to make it easy to tell when someone is being genuine or not.

I don't remember ever hearing my parents raise their voices. Not to each other, not to us kids, not to anyone. We were never struck - not even a swat or had our hands slapped. We had a very civilized household.

The only time I remember my father reacting emotionally was one time when my sister was stirring her chocotate milk at breakfast. She stirred and stirred and the spoon clanked against the glass for hours it seemed like. Dad reached over and took her spoon and threw it against the wall. Not a major incident, but when it's the only one you tend to remember.