h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

MR, I agree with d'E. It should be a guy that does the talking. Then if the offender does the 'nudge nudge, wink wink, all guys are like that' response, it will carry more weight when the guy replies that they aren't.

Sorry if that isn't very clear. I'm coming down with a head cold and my brain is foggy.

But the bartenders *are* like that! A bar is such a politically incorrect place to work, and sexual innuendo just flies around that place. I'm an expert, in fact, and 99% of the time, I give as good as I get.

The difference between this guy and every one else is that he's got this aura, for lack of better term, the one that if you give him an inch he takes a mile. Part of it, of course, is that while the rest of the guys talking like this are 1) known to me and 2) my age or younger, I only know his name and he's probably 20 years older than I am. It's hard to express, honestly. It's a gut feeling. I won't walk to my car alone at the end of my shift because I get the feeling he might be somewhere nearby. That sort of creepy feeling. With every other guy who says something, it's playful.

Does this make any sense?

Yeah, he's a sleazeball. Trust your gut.

Speckly, I agree with the others that you did The Right Thing, too bad omre people did not follow your lead.

http://www.microscopy-uk.org.uk/mag/indexmag.html?http://www.microscopy-uk.org.uk/mag/art98/aedrol.html
nice link on mozi nice pics
re barmen i worked in hotels for years,and whilst it maybe ok for staff to "jest/flirt ect" being human nature ,but "management " should know better,as often they are meant to prevent "harrassment"

The other option you could let him "overhear" you asking a freind who is responsible for dealing with matters of such a "delicate nature"
or tell him that his "remarks/inferences" are unsettleing and could he remember that whilst remarks/actions are/havebeen tolerated in the past but as you said
(1) known to me and 2) my age or younger, I only know his name )

ltp, we've tried giving him hints (glaring, not responding, etc) but perhaps we need to try the direct approach. He's there next week, so why not?

Oh, and Speckly, my only concern would be over the legalities of the issue, but sometimes you have to not worry about legal things, and take care of your fellow human beings. I for one think you should be given an award. You most likely saved that woman's life.

ltp, I have seen that one too. Perhaps I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill.

MR, if the guy seems creepy to you, then that is enough as far as I can see. However it is possible that he is just not socialy adept and what he thinks is gentle flattery is coming over as harrassment. Either way his superior should be having a word with him before he lands himself in hot water. Especially if the dishwasher person takes revenge

*Matina sets down fresh coffee, tea, and cinnamon buns*

It ~is~ a gut feeling about sleazeballs, and you can trust your gut. What you're picking up is anger, emotional cousin of violence.

I don't know that it's anger, Lil. Sometimes, when people are trying *too* hard to pick up dates, you can literally feel the desperation seeping out of their pores. This guy isn't like that. There's something very predatorial about this guy...I think he likes making these little comments that make us uncomfortable. He enjoys the squirming. I think rather than anger, it's violence itself.

MR, I don't suppose you could use sarcasm to turn it back on him? I have my share of sleazeballs who come in and have found that most of the time I can 'jokingly' reply in kind and get the message across. But it really backfired on me one time when the guy thought I really liked him and totally missed the sarcasm. So it requires a certain amount of intelligence in the sleazeballs part to understand what is going on.

MR -

I'm reminded of a book I read, fantastic by the way, called the Gift of Fear. It was written by a former FBI profiler. He states, if you are in a place, and your hair stands on end, or your gut tells you something is wrong, then don't worry about who you might offend, you are receiving signals that have been developed over 30,000 years, and you should listen to them.

Personally, I say, let him know exactly how you feel, and if you guys lose the barter agreement, so what, there's always someplace else that would be interested in the agreement.

Lil - I agree with you that anger is another manifestation of fear, I can't say why it works in my mind, but I completely agree.

Courtesy

tried that. He got worse. I think he's thicker than your average brick.

Speckly
Since the advise you gave was sound commen sence how can that be classed as interfearing,all you did was supply the phone no ,thats commendable and should be adopted by more operators,are not "call centre operators " breifed as to dealing with "calls of such nature" as i would have thought "cries for help" are often made".Ok people who try to help in situation like this may occassionly get "backlash"
but if the roles where reversed of family member was on the other end of "sit" would you not want someone to do the same.

Yeah, what he said.

er perhaps the visit from kerr was as such."standing in hallway"

MR call in at you local law enforcement agency and ask for an interview. This bloke may have a history. Ask someone you trust to escort you out your vehicle and follow you home.

I would expect your local law people would soon end this. Good Luck.

I totally agree that you should trust your gut, MR. It really doesn't lie.

The question is how best to deal with the situation, and the key question is how much y'all as a team want to keep the reciprocal arrangement with the eatery.

If you are prepared to lose it, then you are in a much stronger position. One of you can go to the eatery (el sleazo just works there, right, he doesn't run it does he?) and say "This guy is creeping out our female staff. With any other punter we would issue a warning and if he failed to follow the house rules we would ban him. But we like the reciprocal arrangement. What do you (the Eatery) suggest we (the Eatery and the Pub) do about this?"

Don't make it their problem as such, but make it in their interestst to help create and enforce a solution. The ideal solution, presumably, is to get the sleazeball out of the pub, but for you to maintain the cheap-deals arrangement with the eatery.

Incidentally, if the woman feels harrassed then it is harrasment. I am wary of allowing victims to define crimes, but harrassment is a wierd power-play mind-f**k thing, and it should be stopped dead in its tracks. Zero tolerance. There is a difference between harrasment and flirting, as everyone knows but some people choose to pretend not to know.

Ben
*full of the milk of human kindness, me*

[GDZ]

[mtg]

[BC]