h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Good luck, Lil.

How did I end up living over a funeral parlour? The true answer is going to be a dreadful anticlimax. Perhaps I should make up something interesting.

The building is Edwardian and has always been owned by someone else and rented. The undertakers retains its original family name but is now run by a commercial chain so the accommodation isn't needed and is let out through the same agents but separately. The interior spaces have been altered slightly so I don't have access to the shop or the crypt without going outside and the back of the shop has been extended to give them a separate entrance for the coffins.

In the kitchen you can still see the original bells from the days when the family had a servant but there would never have been live-in servants - the property is too small although it's bigger than a modern flat being on two floors. Less of a flat, more of an upright really . From the bells you can see that the property has always had a bathroom so it would have been quite posh for its day. The privy might have been downstairs though.

Some of the original Edwardian features have been ripped out - the drawing room has lost its picture rails and fireplace - but the original stained glass window lights have survived.

Let me give you a guided tour . There is a long entrance hall at street level with useful coat hooks. A door opens onto a back hallway with a back door. I use that bit for the storage of boxes and step ladders etc. An enormously long straight steep flight of stairs goes to the left sideways across the width of the building up to the first landing. The kitchen is immediately to your right and, as you can see, is a very good size with a table in the middle but isn't well provided with cupboard space.

The walls throughout the flat are cream and covered in my art collection.

If we come out of the kitchen, past the top of the stairs and follow the landing to the left there are railing to your left to stop you falling down the stairwell and on your right the first door leads to the drawing room with a lovely bay window overlooking the street. It has a wide window sill that you would be able to sit on if I didn't have it full of houseplants. The second door leads to a narrow bedroom that I use as a study.

Across the hallway, past the foot of the second staircase, there's a narrow bathroom. No shower . The second staircase is the same as the one below. From a very small square landing at the top you can go right to the guest bedroom or left to my bedroom which runs above the living room and the study so is very large.

Remember to tip your guide

Thanks for the tour. *sends Amy a Cadbury bar in payment*

Actually it sounds very pleasant. So happy you aren't sharing space with jugs of formaldehyde and coffins.

bay windows are good...

It sounds very nice, Amy. It would be nice if the landlord considered reinstating the picture and dado rails. Although my granny always complained about them just another thing that collected dust.

*tips the tour guide a slice of *

[BB]

Fortunately I was born with an inability to see dust. I consider it to be a great genetic advantage. My mother blames it on my father's side of the family. The picture rails are only missing from the drawing room. I try not to disturb the landlord just in case he remembers that he hasn't increased the rent for three years.

There's no evidence that there were ever any dado rails.

*collects the tips in a box* I should have thought of this before.

*Says 'ooh' and 'um-hum' in all the right places.*

Very nice, Amy. I like bay windows. They give a you a superior view of whatever is going on outside.

*Folds a bill and stuffs it in the box.*

When our family went to England and Scotland in 1998, we got one of those historical trust passes that got us into a whopping number of interesting places.

It is now snowing so hard that I can't see my back fence. And they just announced that I-44 and the Will Rogers Turnpike are both closed because of muiltiple accidents. It looks like we have about 5 or 6 inches so far. And the forecast has just changed to include sleet later tonight. So.........I may be able to close the library tomorrow and take the day off.

After wishing for snow, I now rather hope we don't have any. The ornamental cherries on the green are beginning to blossom. The one in the back garden is a fruiting one so tends to be later, fortunately.

As for dust, well, matte surfaces are in this year

What an interesting tour! I love the stained glass. *tips Amy a bag of red licorice and a box of her greeting cards*

We have some high cirrus cloud overhead, but no sign of bad weather. But I need to clean out the fireplace and restock the woodrack.

My flatbed scanner did a lousy job with the transparencies so we moved on to a picture of which she had a decent print, a beautiful thing of blue eggs in a nest. She was pleased with the work I did... and was very encouraging indeed about my line of greeting cards and giclée prints. Linda really liked them and predicts they'll sell very well.

MR - think about this for a second. Al Qaeda's first major terrorist attack was upon two large buildings full of civilians, NOT military targets. What better way to follow that up than to bomb a large civilian airport or "The Happiest Place on Earth"? It makes perfect sense to me...

Also, I forget who asked, but yes, a lot of Californians DO have earthquake kits. I'm looking to save up some money to put together one myself. Most often, though, they're kept in schools and churches and other places of public access in case people are stranded there. What's in one? The basic survival stuff: water, dehydrated and canned food, cookstove... basically the same stuff that they're recommending everyone get in case of biological warfare (save for the plastic sheeting and duct tape to seal up a room). It's mostly in case of a very large, very severe quake in which people probably wouldn't be able to get such items for a few days, and may be on their own until emergency crews get the major problems under control. Supposedly, we're due for "The Big One" - a mythical and terrifying 8+ richter rated quake that will dessimate the area near the epicenter... However, don't freak! People have been warning us about this "Big One" for as long as I can remember.

Earthquakes are really few and far between, and usually quite minor. All in all, they're not worth freaking out over, but it's always good to be prepared.

[{Courtesy}]

*Back from Baton Rouge ... cher What a blog, makes you think twice about going on vacations *

Lil, where can we buy your greeting cards?

(B4 blunders in, shuffling through a mound of blog 'post'-cards. He looks up and at everyone.)

Hi, y'all! Just catching up... Don't mind me. (His voice drops into an ingratiating mechanical whine, ala Marvin.) Not that anyone would, I suppose. (Looks 'round again, the joints of his neck grinding out a rough steely sound as if there were sand in the gears, though that's not possible since he's human.) I'm not getting you down at all, am I? (He quickly abandons the impersonation, as it's 'going over like a Led Zeppelin'.)

Hey, Amy ! Sorry I missed the tour; the 'post'-cards are really nice, though. Wish I could get the full tour, and peruse your artwork as well. Oh, yeah... (Reaches into his battered leather satchel for something, gets down on his knee and carefully hands her a .) I hope this is thanks enough for all the 'thread etiquette' and info on how to post links. Many kudos and sincerest regards!

Hypatia, dear lady! Have you had a chance to visit the new Columbia Library they built last year? I didn't get a chance to check it out before we moved to Fulton, but today I stopped in with my 5-yr-old who'd been a couple of times before. I got such a kick out of the little tour she gave me, and I complimented her along the way for making me feel at home. The space in that place is phenomenal! Its ambience is excellent for taking some quiet time to study, no matter which floor you're on. The staff seems very helpful, as well, and even tracked me down personally when my new cell phone didn't ring in and my wife had to call them to find me. (Somehow, my ringtone setting had been changed to 'silent' mode. Fixed that post-haste!)

Side notes: Took the copy of HHGTTG purchased at B&N for a mere song and presented it to the family who'd been so nice to babysit our kids a couple of times. Included a Towel, a pair of Peril Sensitive Sunglasses, and a small electronic book with the words "DON'T PANIC" in large friendly letters on its cover. [It's actually a phonebook / appointment organizer, yet looks like what I'd pictured the Guide to be.] They dove in and are laughing all the way... ALSO: Got my copy of "Silverlock" in the mail, just days after ordering it second-hand through Amazon. Knocked out the first chapter in a trice, and can't wait to get back at it. So much time; so little to do. Strike that; reverse it.

Gotta
B4bedtime

Hypatia, I need to check whether the Schoolhouse Gallery has a web presence. Don't suppose they sell stuff online though, seeing as many of the paintings are "big ticket". Maybe I should put a set of thumbnails of the cards up on my own site -- it's not an exclusive contract, after all...

All this siege mentality talk... I'm glad I missed all that about the plastic sheeting and duct tape. It was just explained to me over lunch today. What a herd of sheep people can be!

I must admit to being hugely entertained in the run up to 2000 when the (American - sorry) embassy isssued our school with one of their 'what to do if the Y2K bug descimated Moscow. My all time favourite peice of advice was the bit which ernestly reminded their readers to get a non electric tin opener to go with all those tins.

*Adds some gooey pastreys filled with a sort of sweet cream cheese to Amy's box*

The earthquake survival kit + polythene sheeting and duct tape is the same as the one advised by the Australian Govt. HM's Govt have said that it is a good guide to follow until they get around to putting together their own civil defence plan . Apparently there has already been a run on some items in the DIY shops.

Our problem would be finding space to store the rolls of polythene. Which must be a common problem. Must of the other stuff, apart from containers of water and fuel, I already have anyway.

Non-electric can-opener? I only have non-electric ones - and my favourite is the very simple one, because it's easiest to use... oh drat, no pictures available on the net - it's just a piece of metal, no handle, no crank...

*puts some Finnish Marianne candy in Amy's box; mint covered chocolate wrapped in red-and-white striped paper*

Ooops - I read in today's newspaper that 170 domestic animals (is that the correct expression? I'm looking for a word that covers cattle as well as dogs) were killed by wolves during the year 2002 in Sweden, compared to 58 animals in 2001 - and one of the areas where it was most frequent was around Stockholm and Uppsala...

...oh dear... maybe those big paw-marks I saw in the snow when I took a walk in the nearby forest a couple of weeks ago weren't made by a big dog - I was wading through the snow in the middle of nowhere, not near any paths or anything - and I was a bit confused by the fact that I saw no human footprints nearby, but at the time I thought it might have been a dog running loose... hmmmm...

*climbs into her box to inspect the loot *

Delicious!