h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As part of the tidy resistance I can offer no suggestions MR

[{Courtesy}]

I've never understood the idea of keeping in contact with an ex. In my world, if you break up with someone, then they are out of your life and all contact is ended. Times that I have met them later on, I have just acted as if they were someone that I knew who didn't really interest me anymore (as that is the way I view it).

Earlier this year my finace and I broke up over the fact that she was mainting ongoing relationships with ex's. We have since gotten back together (only as boyfriend/girlfriend) but one of the contingencies was that the ex's were completely removed from the picture.

She has since stated that she doesn't know why she kept them around but that she now feels that letting go of the past has helped her move forward emotionally and our relationship is much the better for it.

Courtesy

Keeping up with the ex-s, in my humble opinion, is often an excerise in pointlessness. You're not really going to get back together with them--if you have any sense--nor do you REALLY want to be friends with them. That said, I am still in contact with an ex, so you can take my comments and toss them in the garbage.

In other news, I would throw the toys out. If you're not making enough money to constantly buy the latest junk the kid wants at every turn--so every toy is precious--yet the kid throws them on the floor and thrashes them, then why not teach a lesson: namely the value of money when you are poor. Why spend money--and energy--on something that is not cared for? I know from personal experience you've given enough warnings. It's time to follow through on your threats.

By all means, follow through. But don't do it with a feeling of "getting back" or spitefulness. Do it matter-of-factly. Make it clear that the toys are going as a consequence of them not being taken care of. You can be sad and disappointed at them going, but if you treat it as a logical, inevitable consequence, then she (or is it he?) will get the point. In fact, this extends to pretty much all discipline. Inappropriate behaviour should be met with logical consequences. I find it hard to think of the logical consequences in the heat of the moment, so I tell her that her behaviour is inappropriate and I'll think of the consequence later. Or else I defer to my wife, who is very good at thinking of logical consequences.

An example. Daughter is making a fuss in a restaurant. I, or my wife, says:

That's inappropriate. If you choose to continue, then you're showing us that you don't know how to behave in a restaurant and next time we'll get a sitter. It's your choice.

Then we wait a moment. If she continues, then we leave as quickly as we can (we immediately call for the bill) and next time we DO get a sitter. She learns that her actions have logical consequences and she learns to take responsibility for them.

So, with the tidying, we would say: It's important to look after your things and that includes keeping them tidy. If you don't tidy your room, you are showing us that you are not able to take care of your things, or that there are too many things to take care of. If that's the case, we will help you get rid of some of the things until you have a small enough collection that you are able to take care of them. It's your choice, either show us you can take care of your things by keeping them tidy, or we'll reduce the number of things.

Red, as a former culprit in the behaivour of your little one I cannot offer advice. i still have too much clutter about my pad.


Ben, lovely poem. I know precicely what you mean with it.

Liz left me in a lurch back when I was in highschool. One might have learned ones lesson after that, but alas I did not. I kept that flame burning for nearly a decade, and she did come back to me last year. But she never has honest aobut it and dissapeared without a trace. I later learned that she had never quit her ex and cheated on the both of us with his brother. Drugs were playing a big role in that as well.

If any have a moment I would appreciate critisism of F11674?thread=203541

¶[LIL]

has her toys all set out and hopes to be able to play with them later

GL, I've found myself doing everything you've suggested at one point in time or another, and still no real reaction. As soon as a toy is gone, she says "I didn't want it anyway" even if it was a favorite.

And as for letting her keep her room messy, I am not asking for perfection, but I do want to be able to walk into her room and not break anything going to her closet, which is only 2 feet away. And stepping on legos hurts!

Keeping in touch with exes....depends on the ex. I keep in touch with my first serious bf because, well, he was my first serious bf! That and he's a really nice guy, and I like his gf, and we have lots in common, and I count him as a friend. Of course, it took 15 years to get to that point, but what the heck. Our relationship was a long time ago, and I rather enjoy his company now. Perhaps because I'm married and all that, so I'm "safe"....or maybe I'm just older.

Ben, I say it low-th-lor-eean.

Ahem - I was the one wondering how you pronounced it... and I pronounce it like Loth-láw-ri-enn...

*Hands on hips.*

Put those toys away, Lil!



I pronounce it Loth-lore-re-en with the emphasis on the "lore"

[Amy] - now with shorter hair.

MR, has the problem with the small one grown worse since you moved?

how short?!

yes, and I think that is part of the problem, the move. She's made a few friends, but her days aren't very full (we can only go to the park so many times!!!), and she's bored, I think. And lonely. School starts in two weeks, and I hope that helps a little. Last night she threw a huge temper tantrum, and then, at the end of it, she just dissolved into tears and said she missed her best friend. It was heart-breaking.

Perhaps you've hit a nail on the head there, Amy.....

The move will also have demonstrated to her that you have an enormous amount of control over her life. Perhaps she's just taking some control back. Some children do it by becoming fussy eaters. Messing up her room is probably the lesser of several evils - it's unlikely to cause permanent harm.

Perhaps you can find areas of life in which she can take some decisions for herself.

Amy, perhaps that is why I was always fairly slovenly as a kid (nice excuse at any rate) I moved all the time.

The control thing is actually a good point, and it may be worth letting it go for a while for that reason.

Some people - myself included - hate(d) being a child because of the high degree of control other people have over your life at that time.

Good luck!

Ben

Tend to agree on teh little people tidy room thing, the full blown bed inspection with shiny bedpan may be a little too much (although of course that was what it was like in my day!) but the communication of responsibility is always a good thing. Cant wait for my little 3 yr old to see Toy Story 1, naughty Sid who destroys his toys and gets his come uppance will be an interesting lesson!
As for relationships - move on - learn from history but dont repeat mistakes and if someone betrays trust or lets you down then they are obviously not worthy of your company!
currently hot and wet in Florida, cue line from Good Morning Vietnam!

We are being teased by rain clouds. It has failed to rain yet, but it seems content to drizzle enough water to colect all the soot and dust in the air and make my pretty red explorer into an ugly brown beast. I know that a dirty truck is a happy truck, but that dirt had better come from somewhere other than the sky.

Cue story from this weekend:

My friend Mikey and I went up the canyons to get out of the heat and to do a little four wheeling in a recreation area in the mountains. We were doing great till Mikey backed up into a rock that was just high enough and just pointy enough to pop a hole in the rear differential. After calling my dad for rescue (somehow I had signal up there, must have bled over the mountain from Park City) we were able to do a field patch and get off the mountain. I love getting out of the city.

{[caer csd] so relieved to know that firstly I'm no more immature than the majority of Salonistas who cut off contact with exes and secondly it's all Her Majesty's fault that I'm untidy (Dad served 30 years in HM's Forces and we moved at least every 3 years when I was a child). Untidyness is therefore, a statement of personal freedom.

Give your little one time to settle MR, its a huge upheaval and the same lovely personality is still in there somewhere and will reappear when life seems more established. It will take a few weeks of school before that happens though. Lots of s and s will be required with emphasis on good behaviour and try and ignore the bad if possible.

I say Loth-lore-ien too, also emphasis on lore}

I understand what you're saying about the control thing, but I give her control in a lot of areas, like what she wears, what she eats (I always give her choices), and the like. And I am not asking for perfection. I don't care if she leaves things out here and there, but when she's pulling all her clothes out of the dresser? I fear we may have to see someone about it.

Be that as it may, I have again given her more storage options, by putting shelves on her wall and making her old bookcase another cubby area (I asked her if it was okay and she agreed). My mom also bought her one of those open bin things for her smaller toys, and she has a huge toybox. Hopefully, we can work something out soon, before I go nuts.