h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I liked that movie.

Well, okay, fellow keepers of small people, I have a question: how does one get one's small person to clean their room? We have tried bribery, threats, grounding (tough to do to a six year old, really), taking cartoons away, and going so far as to throw toys away. Nothing works. I am at my wits end, and need assistance, before I take every last toy out of her room for good.

A for - uh - Gonzo?

Thanks for the animal sounds d'E - and what do computers say? Abort, Retry, Ignore?

MR, my mother still asks herself the same question - I rush around in a panic tidying up every time she comes visiting! But I still have too much stuff lying around for her taste...

T, this isn't picking up for your mother (I still do that!!!). This is full blown can't get from one side of the room to the other, and every possible thing that at one time held something is now empty on the floor. All of the toybox is on the floor, ALL of the books, ALL of the stuffed animals, etc. And this happens literally in the time I make dinner! I poke my head in and remind her to pick up something she's not playing with, and 20 minutes later, it looks like a tornado went thru her room, she's running around buck naked, and half of her dresser is on the floor!

This is a daily occurance! Which is why! I! am! talking! with! so! many! exclamation! points!

Wow! I'm impressed!

Hmmmm... sounds as if she's possibly got trouble on concentrating on one thing at the time - I know I do, which is the reason that my computer desk, my kitchen table (my computer is in the kitchen - the only room with earthed(?) sockets) and my living room table, and sometimes even my bedroom floor...

...and my mother's standard question is 'Are you really working on *all* those things - right now? Couldn't you put at least some of it away?' But I know that if I put the stuff away, I'll forget about it!

Have you ever tried leaving her room that way for at least a week, if not two? Or maybe you've already tried that?

Oh - the first sentence got so long I forgot to end it...
...covered with open books (encyclopedias, dictionaries, manuals, novels), notes, pencils, newspaper clippings, photos, postcards...

Oh - and I like the word Lothlorien too - how do *you* pronounce it?

*checks connected time nervously*

Got to - connected from home during day time = the most expensive time!

[Ben]

I remember driving my father up the wall with the mess I created in my room. These days I lead a tidy life. I am not obsessive, but once tidy a room will be tidied about once a day.

MR - a subversive but genuine question: Is there actually any reason for the room to be tidy? And if there is a reason who benefits? I mean, is it actually a health hazard?

What about letting her keep her room as untidy as she likes, so long as she helps you keep the rest of the place tidy? That sends strong messages about personal responsibility and respect for each other's space (her respect for your space, your respect for her space).

Just a thought.

Ben

[Amy]

{[caer csd] agcG, read your poem, it is very good and heartfelt. I have never understood this need to be 'adult' and 'civilised' about defunct relationships.

H used to go to his ex's and new b/f's for Sunday lunch and he said how difficult he found it being grown up about it all. We weren't actually going out together at the time, so weren't romantically involved, although I don't think it would have coloured my reply, which was something like 'why put your self through it if you don't want to?' I was stuck with contact with my ex, because of the sons and knew how upsettign it was to have to be reminded of past hurts regularly.

It hadn't occured to him that he never had to see her again if he didn't want to. There were no children involved, I think she was asking him over to reassure herself that a) she had made the right choice in leaving him and b) that if he was ok, then she needn't feel guilty.

When they were planning to marry, she invited us to the reception, H said perhaps we should go, but I couldn't see the point as we hadn't seen them for a year and that was at a mutual friend's house by chance. It would only have dragged up more angst for him.

Once he realised that it was perfectly all right to not see her again he let go of the past and we were able to build our own relationship.

But perhaps I don't have a very more mature view of these things and the rest of you feel quite differently.

On the animal sounds, Sadie doesn't meow its more yowl. Our squirrels make a chit chit sound or something that sounds like coooor coooor.

I was going to add to the comment son humour, but have forgotten what I was going to say }

Caerwyn, you are right of course. He is selling up and moving away, so hopefully it will all ease up when he is not living so close.

The irony is he rang me last night 'because he could tell I was feeling down'. I said that I found talking to him very tough, and asked him not to ring me for a while.

One thing about writing those poems is that after they are written I can no longer feel the emotion which I felt when I wrote them. I do literally write it out of my system. (Which is one of the reasons that all of my poems are sad, who wants to let go of feelings of happiness?)

Anyway, I am in full-blown reaction now. Exhausted and headachy. So I am going back to bed.

Ben

I also appreciated your poem. I wonder, are there actually many happy poems?

My mother did generally let me keep my room in a total state, on the understanding that the rest of the house was kept tidy. It didn't make me tidy up, and no, you couldn't see the floor. I'm not sure that I wouldn't have prefered her to take a bit of a stronger line looking back, as I am a very messy person now. Mind you, that may be a bit overboard in blaming my parents for my own shortcomings...

That's the thing of it, those little persons don't care about tidiness. (Neither does my husband for that matter.) The only thing that consistently works for me is to make it dependent on something else that is important to them.

Of course you can go to the mall, when your room is picked up.

Of course you can have your friend sleep over, as soon as your room is cleaned.

Of course you can go to beach., as soon as...

And when the moaning and groaning starts, I tell that that I am the meanest mommy on earth. I have to be, it's in my contract.

My mother's technique was to ocassionally fly into a rampage and toss all our belongings onto the floor herself. It was not at all effective, but probably a great stress reliever for her. Many of the more fragile items did not survive.

¶[LIL]


How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one -- but the lightbulb really has to want to change.

{[caer csd] }

I am dreading my next meeting with my ex. I am quite unsure that I am likely to see her in the near future as if she has regained control of her life, she will feel (rightly so) that she did me a great wrong. But were I to run in to her on the street I really fear my reaction. I have always thought that we could weather any storm, but what happened at the beginning of the summer was far worse than a storm. So I know that my own reaction will hinge on my being able to keep cool about everything that went on.

On tidying: We have that battle with our 9 year old daughter, but not very often any more. We view the tidyness as a basic taking care of one's things. So we tell her that if she can't take care of her things, then perhaps she isn't old enough to have them, or perhaps there are too many things for her to take care of. We have had several rounds of reducing her things - selling/giving away toys, etc. - after she has had several warnings and still doesn't tidy. It's very difficult to do, especially when she is wailing away and you feel like an ogre, but we really believe what we say and we follow through. Of course, we do everything to make it easier for her to tidy - we have containers for organizing her stuff and have helped her tidy countless times, showing her how to do it. Everything she owns has a place where it can be put away.

The thing is, she likes it when it has all been tidied away and she loses interest in things that have been left out. She loves to set things up, even more than the actual playing with them, so they'll sit out pending a play session. She won't want to tidy them up because she is going to play with them. Sometime. But, when they get tidied up, all of a sudden they are interesting again.

For a 6 year old, tidying a whole room is way too daunting. So, I would suggest helping her tidy her room, but tell her that if she can't take care of her toys by keeping them tidy, then there must be too many toys and you will be reducing them. If it comes to that, have her participate in the reduction - have her choose which toys go and which stay, but be firm - make sure some really do go. Make sure that there are places for all her stuff and that the storage is organized and usable by her (i.e. in her reach). And most importantly, set an example - make sure your own stuff is tidy.

for Marv. I was out of the loop when whatever happened between you and your ex happened. But I do feel for you. I wonder, sometimes, just how much pain there actually is in the world.

Ben

Ben, it was a bad time for me, but it is starting to fade a bit.

This year has been a painfull one both mentally and physically but a friend put it in perspective for me. I have made it through the worst of it, it will only get better.

I hope that holds true for you as well.

{[caer csd] When it comes to tidying the sons' rooms, I don't any more and yes the rooms are a mess, but they both do eventually have a clear up and rediscover the floor.

When they were little we cleared up together with a , or as a reward afterwards.

I'm all for getting through life with as little pain as possible, but sometimes it's unavoidable and the best way is to get even by demonstrating how well you are doing with out them, even if you are lying through your teeth. Never let them see you unhappy.}