h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy shoots the MewMechIII with his polka gun. It's still fighting, but the mechanical monstrosity is now expending extra energy on playing a polka song and dancing to it while fighting. Affy continues shooting it with snowzars and sleetzars and phasers and lazers, and throwing stilletos and ninja stars and hand grenades at it. He spills hot coffee on it. He sings a soulful rendition of "I Saw Elvis Outside The Pigley Wiggley" to it. He hits it on the foot with a hammer, and shows his second cousin's report card to it*

* The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies sits down by the main sensor controls of the Semi-Dramatic Finale and begins a comprehensive scan of the CompreMatter shield *

FSCoC: It would be great if I could find out how to make this stuff... hmm... very interesting...

[A cartoonish flattened YC gets up, sticks his thum in his mouth, and attempts to exhale through his mouth. He succeeds in inflating himself to normal and then he heads back to the Bug.]

[At that moment, the Anti-Galaxy Bomb dud goes off. The explosion isn't very impressive, but an earthquake (Okay, a Starsquake) starts. It's about 1 on the Ritchter (sp?) scale, but once it reaches the core it will shake the planet to bits. This will happen after the MewMech III explodes]

*Affy lobs another hand grenade at it before getting an idea. He pulls out his PDCC and rewires it a bit, setting it to "Video Game". He then alters the cover of the PDCC to include a joystick, and when he pushes the "start" button, a computer animated version of himself appears, and begins hacking at the MewMechIII*

[The camera moves so that Affy stays between it and the MewMech III, no matter which way he's going]

[Fourth Mew] }Gah! This shaking ground is messing up our calculations!!{

[It fires another of the droids at Affy, but it falls short.]

[Total damage to MewMech: 75%]


Did you know you can pick stuff the MewMech throws at you and throw it back? This only works if said stuff doesn't hit you, or explode upon impact with the ground.

*Yes, we know. I believe that YK has done it several times. But because I got here first...*

*Affy picks up the droid and tosses it at the MewMechIII before spilling even more hot coffee, and shooting it with another wand of anhialation again*

[Total damage: 90%]

* The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies is watching the battle back on Stars on a large-screen TV *

Go for it! It's nearly gone! You can do it!

* coughs and checks to make sure nobody saw him encouraging them *

MaW, for your info, you can't 'make' CompreMatter - it is simply normal matter, but compressed to the infinite level - so there are no gaps. And it can't be broken either, because of it interlocking. It can only be dissipated by a certain command (how that command is given though remains my secret) given by Pr. C. Tonks or one of his COMPIGRAMs...


Blast this damn situation!
C.ompuT.er! Seal everything inside the CompreMatter shield, including us and the Morph ship, inside a No-Prob field.

*A No-Prob field is an area of space which cannot be affected by probability. In fact, it isn't even affected by outside probability or improbability.*
*Lies is now sealed under Dimensions, (Im)Probability, unbreakable matter, and a non-magic (and so forth) shield. It is also under PCT-Time Control, which prevents it from leaving the standard flow of time (so no one else can manipulate it through time), but it does not control time.*
*But we're not allowing ourselves to travel through time anymore anyway...*
*Lies CANNOT be reached without order of PCT2, and no one can impersonate him...*

Couldn't Pr C Tonks impersonate him?

Dammit! Wrong browser! Sorry...

Why is this the wrong browser? I didn't see anything wrong...

[YK, This is IE... I have Netscape set up for my "evil" persona. Now the thread will appear on both my pages. ]

{Continuity}
The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies doesn't know you can't make CompreMatter... he never turns down the chance to study something that would be useful for Evil things.
{/Continuity}

FSCoC: Looks like Lies is out of the question for the time being...

* he turns to the navigation console and opens a Jump tunnel back to Stars *

FSCoC: I wonder if I'll get there before the MewMech III explodes?

*Affy is hiding behind an outcropping of rock, tossing hand grenades whenever he gets a chance. Suddenly, the robot reappears, bored with it all. The robot snaps his fingers, and Affy suddenly finds himself inside what appears to be a room filled with several gears, levers, wires, and the like. Affy looks at a monitor, and realizes that he is inside the MewMechIII! He looks at all of the equipment, sighs, and starts putting things in the way of the gears, and snipping wires. He moves very quickly, and us causing severe damage to the MewMechIII*

* The Semi-Dramatic Finale comes out of its Jump Tunnel above Stars and immediately opens fire with its heavy plasma cannons to keep the MewMech occupied *

FSCoC: * zzzzzzzzz (he's having a nap. shh!)*

[A closeup of Dylan appears, digitally inserted over the rest of it, making it obvious he's not really there]

[Dylan] Oooooh! Bet that REALLY messed it up!

*Pours hot coffee on what looks like a CPU. The sparks fly, as he finishes it off by pouring HCl on it*

[Realizing that the MewMech has finally sustained 99% damage, the apple gets around to hitting it.]

[Total damage: +100%]

[The MewMech III explodes.]

[Now, Third Mew as well as Fourth and Fifth are red. All of them are seeing red, anyway.]

[First Mew] }That's it!{

[Second Mew] }You REALLY got us mad!{

[Third Mew] }Yeah! What they said!{

[Fourth Mew] }Let's head back to the Milky Way!{

[Fifth Mew] }We should have the surprise ready by the time the Esirpretne gets there.{

* The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies awakens *

FSCoC: Huh? What? Uhh... * he takes some instant Anadin * that's better... oh yes, that's what's going on. * turns on communicator * hey everyone! Stars is about to explode! Get off the planet now!

* he sighs. Nobody's moving fast enough. With a few swipes of the controls, he scoops them all up and deposits everyone, their ships and the Esirpretne into the Semi-Dramatic Finale's rather large docking bay (which, due to the customised design of the ship, takes up most of the internal volume) *

Right, we're going back to Lies everybody. Hold on!

* the ship enters a Jump Tunnel, heading back to Lies and the inevitable confrontation with PCT2 *