h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Continuity]
Well, if you'll forgive me for saying so, and remember that this is just my opinion and in no way to be taken as representative of the thread as a whole...

They're very long, yet most of the post seems to be taken up equally between setting up over-complex battle scenarions and trying to rationalise why only *you* can solve these; for example, the introduction of a whole new race into a battle, then the complaints when anyone other than yourself tries to interact with them. You claim that others have breached continuity because they posted something which is at odds with what was "in your head" when you made the posting. In the generally accepted sense of the word, continuity is being breached every time you tell someone that their post never happened because of some special clause that you had neglected to mention (or possibly think of) until after they had posted.

Most of the people on this thread either try to set up, or react to, a situation for the benefit of others. Your posts come across as a form of "literary masturbation", aimed more at your pleasure in writing them rather than others' pleasure in reading them.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean or cruel; it's not intended as such. You just asked for my opinion, and I always try to be honest in these situations. Anyone who disagrees is free to "shoot me down in flames", metaphorically speaking...
[/Continuity]

(Wow, this is almost long enough to be one of your battle descriptions! )

[Continuity]
Hmm, yes. Setting up and then solving one situation in each post is a bit irking at times. Why do you think I went off and did something else?
[/Continuity]

* The mysterious woman steps out of her gateway right behind Pr C. Tonks. Sneaking closer, she grabs him 'round the neck and presses a knife to his back *

Woman [threateningly]: Give me the Gem or I'll make you wish you'd never been born!

* she tweaks the knife just enough to draw a small trickle of blood. Oh yes, the knife has been dipped in lime juice, so it stings *


[Aside]
Nice original dialogue, don't you think? Not.
[/Aside]

[YC rushes into the remains of the temple, leaps into the air, sails feet first into the woman, knocking her over, lands on his feet, turns to Pr. Tonks, and asks for the gem nicely.]

[At least, that's the plan. He stumbles on a piece of charred masonry and therefore misses the woman. He tries to correct this by altering his direction, but he only makes a mess of himself and collapses in a heap on the floor]

[YC] D'oh!

[The woman aims a Kill-o-Zap blaster pistol at him]

[YC] Nuts!

[Woman] Get up.

[YC does so]

[YC] Mmmm ... donuts!


Howabout the woman's weakness is donuts?

Or ?

Well Peet, I respect what you think. I have been posting rather long ones recently, granted, and I am, I suppose, doing it as sort of practice for such scenes in my book. I would prefer it though if you didn't use the term 'masturbation'...

You've got some valid points there, but I'm not the only one making such mistakes - the Mews suddenly came into this thread for no readily apparent reason, and started taking Gems. In fact, this whole thread is now about getting the Gems, which it wasn't about until the Mews came along.
Now, if you can forgive them for changing the entire plot, surely you can forgive me for just bringing in a side-plot. The Morphs aren't going to be around much longer anyways...



*Right then, the Professor's in an odd position right now. The woman is holding him tightly at knifepoint, while aiming a gun at someone else with the other hand. She obviously doesn't know who she's dealing with...*

Unhand me woman!

*After she doesn't, he is forced to take the easy way out. Since he can't move his hands...*

Watch, teleport!

*He teleports out of reach of the woman, turns around to her, and fires at her - she is now stunned in a frozen form...*
*He then helps YC up on his feet...*

Donuts you say? Neat...

*He materialises some donuts, and places them in a big circle around the woman...*

There - that'll keep her busy!
You say you want the Gem? OK, sure thing - God knows what it can be used for...

*He presses a button on his Watch, goes through the internal inventory list, and selects the Gem, which promptly materialises in YC's hands...*
*He then runs off to the Smallcy to deal with the remaining Morph ships...*

[Pull back, revealing the Mews in a tree]

[Second Mew] }Let's give them the note. If we beat 'em here, whoever finds what's left of 'em will get it]

[The others concur. One of them teleports along the path ahead of Pr. Tonks and the others, and then puts a prominent sign saying "AFTER EARTH: MERIBEE OR DANTOOINE?" next to a tree]

Well, yes they make for a good read, but they have the same problem that GL and I were having on our mission to Zork. All of the problems solved in one problem by one person. It takes away from the enjoyment of the story of the others participating.

But other than that, they do, as you said, make for a good read. Although, we've yet to fight the Mews. And speaking of fighting...


*Affy taps The Big C on the shoulder, wielding a strange looking gun. The gun isn't armed, but Affy keeps glancing at it, and looking around*

Er, excuse me, but would you mind letting me add that gem to my collection? I'm desperate to figure out what my gun does with four of the gems in place. I already know one to three, so if you don't mind, I'd like to test out this weaponry.

It's a new technology that I'm going to be mounting on all of my ships as soon as I get the last gem and we can send the Esirpretne home. So in the interest of science, would you please allow me to take the Miribalis Gem?

[Continuity]
He gave it to YC at the end of post #685
[/Continuity]

* The woman breaks out of the holding thingy inflicted upon her by Pr C. Tonks and utters a few oaths it's best not to repeat on such an upstanding forum as this. She glances at the Kill-O-Zap, wonders what made her think of that, then chucks it away. It vanishes in mid-air as she steps carefully over the ring of donuts. She scans the horizon for a moment, then makes out the running form of Pr C. Tonks, and those of some people with him. Opening a gateway somewhere in front of him, she steps out and, before it even closes behind her, sends three large fireballs into the ground just in front of the Professor. Mud, grass and small bits of rock fly everywhere. *

Woman: What did you mean "Unhand me, woman!"? I ought to show you some manners! Not even the other Chosen would speak to me so! Not even the Great Lord himself! Who are you to make such demands of me?

* her voice has been amplified by some unknown means to make sure Pr C. Tonks can hear it clearly. When she's finished speaking, the woman throws a few more fireballs for good measure. Clouds begin to gather overhead *

*Ah, sorry, I didn't see the last eight posts for some reason.*

*Affy materializes in front of YC*

May I have that gem? It is imperative that I find out what this does with four. I think it may be just what we need.

Now, *that's* a posting!

[YC gives Affy the gem]

[YC] Careful now: YK hasn't said much, but from what he /has/ said ... [shudders] Two words: Sun Crusher.*

[*In The Jedi Academy Trilogy, the Sun Crusher was a superweapon that could make a star of any size go supernova, taking entire star systems with it]

[Aside]
Yes, I rather liked that ship. What with its near-indestructible quantum armour as well... I did so enjoy it when Han flew it through the bridge of one of Daala's star destroyers... anyway, I'm getting sidetracked...
[/Aside]

* the woman is still fixated upon Pr C. Tonks. The clouds have continued to gather, and now lightning flashes down from them, charring a circle close enough around the Professor that his hair stands on end from the electrical charges. Then it begins to rain small rocks *

[The Mews look nervous]

* The woman spares a moment from making it rain small rocks to glance over in the direction of the Mews and give them a dazzling, but not even marginally friendly, smile *

Woman [mutters]: I'll get to you later.

* she returns her attention to the Professor *

*Affy shoots his snowzar at the woman, and teleports to the CLI Mini-UFO without waiting to see if the shot managed to land a hit, and if so, how much damage it did. The only thing left of Affy as the CLI Mini-UFO launches and dissapears into the sky is a note that he dropped*


Hey guys,
Sorry to be leaving so abruptly, but I've got important work to do elsewhere in the cosmos. I'm going to find the Esirpretne (seems most of the original crew has stopped posting), I'm going to go back to the original plot of The Sunkists, and I'm going to try and figure out what the algae I scraped from the pool in the beginning of this story has to do with everything.

Sorry I'm not going to be around much to help out, but I think you've got a really decent shot at stopping the Mews. Besides, according to what YK told me, the Mews would need all five gems *and* one of those birds to accomplish whatever they're up to. I'm taking four with me, so this shouldn't leave too much space for victory on their part.

Anyway, I might drop in again some time. But until then, later!

* The woman sees Affy's snowzar shot coming, and has to stop making it rain rocks around Pr C. Tonks in order to duck and weave a small shield to deflect it, thus saving her own hide. She watches the Mini-UFO take off with a frustrated expression on her face, then spins around back to the Professor. *

[Aside]
If he's got even a smidgin of sense he'll be long gone by now
[/Aside]

[There is a strange noise and YK careens into the ground, holding he Octohedronal Mirabilis Gem]

[YK] Hey, Affy! Wait! D'oh! YC, get your starship over here!

[Dylan, YK's IRL identity, appears]

[Dylan] Right. This forum's going to explode in about ... 8000 posts. Assuming it gets that far.

OK, just a warning: this is another long post. But it's going to be the last one, just so I can get rid of the Morphs and my COMPIGRAM...



[Pr. C. Tonks] Woman!! What do you think you're doing!? Rocks? ROCKS?!

*he stares around him, watching the rocks fall down from above, crashing onto his forceshield, and bouncing off away from his like a fountain...*

[Pr. C. Tonks] I don't have time for you!

*He teleports into the Smallcy, takes off, and heads up to where the Space Station is now being once again attacked by the remaining Morph ships...*
*Once inside the SSBG, he heads up to the calculations room next to where he keep the DMbP equipment in the Primary Labs (Dimensional Matrix biPasser, the key to ALL his successes with dimensions and manipulating them).*

[Pr. C. Tonks] Right, OK, Computer, relay the data about the SSBG-2 to my desk here.

[Sir.]

[Pr. C. Tonks] Thankyou. Now, let's see.... Now, if I was to - no, that wouldn't work, too dangerous. If I send so much matter back through the Matrix it'll collapse for sure! HEY! That's it! The SSBG-2 was brought through the Breach, and the onsurge of new matter caused it to be continually pulled slowly back to Dimension D;Y2. If I can accelerate the process, I can have it pulled thoough entirely! And if I can get the Morph ships through as well, the more matter through the unstable Breach would cause any further interaction between D;C and D;Y2 to be dissallowed! Perfect!

*The scientist runs into the room next door, and pulls the sheet off the main DMbP machinery - the biPasser itself, the equipment that he first crossed through the Dimensional Matrix to the second Dimension from this one - D;D - with. This is the equipment whose infrastructure can literally weave into the minute loopholes in the Matrix and open the gap, allowing matter and energy to be transported through it.*
*He moves over to the activations console, and has the main motors revved up - this was going to be a big operation. He would in fact have to shut down offense and defense to get enough power from the virtually limitless Gelectron discharge to power the DMbP. He types in a few comands, and switches it all on. He then presets it to Dimension D;Y2, where the SSBG-2 came from.*

[Pr. C. Tonks] Computer! Link the commands to the control room - I need to operate it all from there...

[Affirmative sir. Rerouting commencing...]

[Pr. C. Tonks] Right, now I've got to get the SSBG-2 and the Morphs just where I want them, and save the KU, erm, again...yeah, OK...

*He runs up to the control room, and grabs a seat...he verrides manual control from the Computer, ans sets the 'station in motion - towards the group of Morphs ships beginning to cluster around the fake Space Station Big C...*

[PCT2] God knows what you've got planned Chris, but it won't work! You're trying to destroy your own 'station!

*Pr. C. Tonks then realises how much his COMPIGRAM has gone wrong - he ought to know that he would never try to actually destory the Space Station - it's to valuable in the Universe...*

[Pr. C. Tonks] Right, just a bit further...I'll scare him into position...

*He begins to set the 'station in motion directly towards the fake one, making it look like he was going to crash into it. PCT2 notices this, and swings out of the way - right into position!*

[Pr. C. Tonks] Gotcha!

[PCT2] Oh, what now? You missed! Huh??

*The COMPIGRAM gazes out of his control room window, and sees the CompreMatter reassembling itself around the two Space Station and the Morphs ships, with Pr. C. Tonks' intention being not to let anyone else folow them into the breach he's about to create...*

[Pr. C. Tonks] Computer! lock on! Engage full Gelectron power on a tractor beam!

[PCT2] What!? Computer! Engage full Gelectron power in the backwards thrust! He wants to keep us where we are - he's got something planned!

*The real SSBG activates a tractor beam, having to sacrifice its offense and defense power...the young Professor commands the GalArmy ships (also in the CompreMatter shield) to attack the fake 'station's thusts, so it won't be able to move while power is then lent to the DMbP. The GalArmy is the only army able to cause the slightest damage to a Space Station Big C, and even then it's almost pointless, but there's no other option...*
*Once that was done, Pr. C. Tonks pressed a switch on a newly formed control panel for the DMbP, and has the tractor beam deactivated, and the RaduPart emiters moved to the front of the 'station.*
*RaduParts are the rather odd particles that don't fit in with other atoms and the like. They are tetrahedrons, and are infinitely small at each end, allowing them to poke a hole through the Matrix. Under control, they can weave into the Matrix and open it up...*
*As soon as the emitters reahc the front of the 'station, they power up, and each of the four emit a beam of yellow particles, all headed for one point in space, infront of the Space Station Big C-2 and the Morphs ships. The beams collide, and begin to move outwards, expanding the hole they are weaving. Soon a dense blackness is created, shimmering blue slightly, as some hyper-space trickles through the Matrix along with any debris around the Breach.*

*As soon as the Breahcis opened, the SSBG-2 begins to move towards it, attracted to its home dimension. The Morphs get pushed along with it, as the now increasing gravitational pull also pulls along ships on the other side of the fake 'station. The GalArmy ships retreat to the hangars of the real SSBG, and routes its power back to its own thrusters, in an attempts to pull back from the pull from the Breach itself.*

[PCT2] Wh- what are you doing Chris? I'm your creation! I'm your genius! I can't be removed from your life like this, surely! But it's so simple - I deserve more!!

[Pr. C. Tonks] You deserve nothing, you worthless piece of - ahem - drenn! You go and stay with your precious 'station, and your precious new friends, the Morphs. I'm sure they'll just *love* after this ordeal! Hehe...

[PCT2] But, but, I...
No, no! NO! Not the Breach, the breach, it's...too strong...gravity...
Argh! It's so strong it's pulling everything apart!! Molecular bonds are breaking!! ARGH!!
NO, NO ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*Several other screams emit from various other comms channels, as hundreds of Morphs get pulled apart limb by limb. The SSBG-2 is seen to be breaking apart - the control room comes flying off! In the distance it would be possible for you to see the COMPIGRAM of Pr. C. Tonks being teared apart by the gravity from the Breach - he then, along with the Morphs, their ships, and anything else in the way, breacks apart to the minutest detail, and is sucked into the Breach...*

[Pr. C. Tonks] Yes! Hah! I knew I could do it! OK, so I wasn't expecting the gravity, but I've actually got rid of hundreds more Morphs!!

[Ahem, Sir?]

[Pr. C. Tonks] Computer?

[We'vre being pulled in Sir...]

[Pr. C. Tonks] Bent! Heck, quick, get the emiters on again, we've got to sow the Breach up again!

[Sir...]

*The Space Station BIg C, not actually affected by the gravity of the Breach someohw, but still being pulled in, begins to turn around, and head backwards...the emiters reignite, and the RaduParts begin their job.*

[Pr. C. Tonks] Quickly!

*For the sake of this scene being dramatic, the RaduParts meet in the middle of the Breach just as ne corner of the 'station ws about to enter it, which would have pulled it all in.*
[Pr. C. Tonks] Phew...holly Whotsit, that was close... Nice one Computer, we've done it again!
Right, now deactivate the DMbP, reroute power to normal, and I expect a hot cup of tea when I get to my quarters.

[Yes Sir.]



There is now only the Space Station Big C left now, with the real Pr. C. Tonks (who was never in this forum until the GalArmy Escort Frigate had called him about his COMPIGRAM), inside the CompreMatter shield, which is now dismanteling itself...

There, my final long post. Not bad, I thought. Anyway, I hope that's satisfied my narrative nature.





To read more of such battle scenes, please purchase 'Life of a GalaGroup Oversee', coming to a bookshop near you in, erm, about, let's say, two years or so?

*Eek! I've already spotted loads of typos..always degrades it all...*