h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* The mysterious and unpleasant woman ignores the battle between the two space stations, instead cursing a bit after Pr C. Tonks escapes. Once she's finished ranting and randomly scorching the landscape, she takes a big, deep breath and opens a gateway back to the Semi-Dramatic Finale *

[Meanwhile]
* While the woman has been matching wits with Pr C. Tonks on the surface of Lies, the Former Supreme Counter of Cookies has been busily trying to escape from his transparent cylindrical prison. Unsuccessfully. Already he's drained the batteries in his Evilsaber, completely discharged most of his pistol weaponry and blunted his emergency freeze-dried chainsaw (just add water). We are treated to a brief shot of him trying to chew his way out *
[/Meanwhile]

* The woman's gateway opens in the command room of the Semi-Dramatic Finale. She walks over to the sensor displays, examines them for a while and then nods to herself. Setting the ship to self-destruct in fifteen minutes of TV time, she weaves the Mirror of Mists around herself, transforming her appearance into that of a red-shirted extra. Then she steps through a gateway into a vacant corridor aboard the Esirpretne and slips quietly onto the bridge. *

[The Mews, disgusted about their deal with Atilla the Hutt going sour, slump off to Earth]

* the mysterious woman wonders if anything interesting is going to happen, or if she should just gate straight to Earth and see what the Mews are up to *

**As nothing happens in this thread for quite a while, the narrator decides to start...**
*Shoo! I can tell my own story!*
**Sorry...**
*Yeah, OK, I start to do something now eh? What?*
**Eh? What!? What do you mean what!? It's your story, think it out for yourself!**
*But I honestly can' think of much to say.*
***You two! Stop this! Get on and tell the story, narrator. And as for you, narrator's narrator, stop pestering him!***
**Sorry.**
*OK...*

*Right, now, ahem. Oh yes - Pr. C. Tonks, after having despatched of the alternate SSBG and the Morph ships, and anrowly missing death himself, heads down to his quarters, and wonders what to do now. He should either rejoin his place among the other h2g2 forums, where the Space Station ha never left orbit, or he could stay here, send the Space Station back, and board the Esirpretne in the Smallcy. He cuold even leave a COMPIGRAm here to accompany the crew, and go back to h2g2 himself.*
*He shakes the thought of COMPIGRAMs from his head, turns around in a Restricted Area corridor, and heads back towards the control room.*
*Once there, he hails the Esirpretne, and any other ships or other entities that might be flying around in the thread...*



Hey guys.
Look, erm, I'm sorry my COMPIGRAM got you all into trouble, and I'm sorry I've had to leave you out of the Morph battle, but I really am the only person who knows how to get rid of them. Anyway, I've got to go now and begin research into how the Morphs managed to take control of an alternate me in the first place.
I'll be seeing you around then. Oh, I'll leave a few probes here, and I'll watch your progress, and maybe appear again if you need help. Remember, if you do need help, just call my probes - they'll know what to do.
Toodlepip then!



*He shuts down the comms channel, and turns the 'station around. While he's doing this, he makes a mental note to perform work on his special Non-Physical/Energy Protection Unit, which would keep his Space Station from any harm whatsoever. Once the Space Station BIg C finds the correct trajectory, the Professor opens a wormhole, and the SSBb flies through back to Earth, where he will also continue work on the Inversal Displacement Modulators the Morphs stole...*
*The wormhole closes behind him...*

[Aside]
But it's creating a plot element that only your character can deal with that causes the problems in the first place. Excluding the rest of the people in an RP forum is not a good way to go about things.
[/Aside]

* the mysterious and unpleasant woman decides to take a quick nap underneath the pilot's console while she waits for something to happen *

[Aside]
I typed that with my eyes shut while sneezing! Ain't you impressed?
[/Aside]

[No.]

[I was, but then I'm easily impressed, and drunk... ]

[Then sober up!]

[That was 10 hours ago - I have... ]

[Ugh.]

* the mysterious woman stands up at the front of the bridge, looking over the motionless crew. Why are they motionless? She doesn't know, but it bugs her *

Listen up everyone! I'm bored, and if anyone knows me they'll know that letting me get bored is a very, very bad thing to do. You!

* she points to a red-shirted extra who lifts off the floor and floats over to her *

You're going for a trip outside.

* a gateway opens behind him, air rushing through it because it opens into space. She throws him out and closes the gate again before the bridge can be completely emptied. Her hair is all in a mess, but she's too busy watching on the viewscreen as the red-shirted extra tumbles end-over-end *

Anyone want to bet on how long he'll last? I say thirty seconds of TV time.

[Aside]
If anyone wants to save him... I'm just reverting to being the Muse of Evilness here
[/Aside]

[She is momentarily startled by a prolonged coughing fit just beside her left ear, but quickly regains her composure]

Sorry - I appeared a little too close that time, and [Wheeze] some of your hair went up my nose.

He's perfectly OK - he's in stasis, so he doesn't need to breathe. In fact they're all in stasis. I got fed up waiting to be served, and didn't want anyone [cough] jumping the queue while I went to the toilet. Unfortunately, the nearest toilet suitable for my species is in the next galaxy, so [wheeze] I stopped for a couple of beers on the way back.

If you want to cause trouble, how about helping me get the attention of the barman?

[The redshirt reappears in his chair. He hasn't moved, but he's now so cold that he frosts over in a pleasing fashion almost immediately.]

"What're the chances of that, eh?"

* The mysterious, unpleasant woman nods *

I think I can help you get the attention of the bartender, whoever you are. You look suitably evil. Shall we go to the bar?

* She opens a gateway, the edge of it slicing the corner from the pilot's console and only just missing the pilot. Through the gateway can be seen the bar, which is also in stasis. The woman gestures for Vlad to precede her *

Age before Evilness.

[Vlad appears in the bar on the other side of the breach without actually stepping through, to be joined by Vlad, Vlad and of course, Vlad.]

[Wheeze] As you wish...

[Motions to an empty stool next to the narcissistic barman]

[The wheezing of the massed Vlads starts to fall into a just-recognisable rendition of the theme from "Rainbow"...]

"What're the chances of that, eh?"

[Not a lot.]

* The unpleasant woman steps through the gateway and allows it to close behind her as she takes a seat next to Vlad. Her fingernails scratch the diamond-coated bartop as she idly draws a picture of a headless red-shirted extra while she waits for someone to pass her a drink *

[Mew materializes. No, he en't one of the five]


}Hello! I've heard some Mews are causing trouble.{

[recieves hostile looks]

}All right, I can take a hint!!{

[teleports out]

* the woman absentmindedly cuts a circular piece from the top of the bar with a fingernail *

[The bartender continues to stare at himself in the mirror, pulling and prodding at his face in a Jim Carrey/Robin Williams-esque fashion.]

See what I mean...

[Various Vlads bounce peanuts off the back of the barman's head while the others whistle in a piercing fashion. He is too preoccupied to notice.]

*Just a quick note guys:*

*If anyone here was wondering what Pr. C. Tonks looks like (at least in black and white - I'm looking for a better scanner!), or wondered how the Morphs blobbed along the ground, head on over to the Life-Forms section of the AlterLife site, at [Broken link removed by Moderator].*

*...Thankyou...*