h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Yeah! We've LEFT The! Oh well... Mayhaps he did that accidental and meant Stars?]

[YK] Castor and Pollux blow me to Bermuda!!!

[YK is launched into the air like a rocket, in the direction of the Milky Way, and presumably Earth and Bermuda]

[YC] Oh great!

And just when everyone least expects it (probably during an ad break, or something) a mysterious stranger appears.

(Ahem, so are there any openings for mysterious strangers who are obviously from another planet, by virtue of having pointy ears? (Always a good alien disguise, that ) If there aren't any objections, and you don't already have one, I volunteer to be the strange being who claims to have superior intelligence, knows all the secrets of quantum drive, various force fields, and how to modify the ship's drive so it can cross the galaxy faster than you can say 'Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers', and who claims to have the crew's wellbeing in her best interest. However, said being never actually says anything that is in the least useful or helpful unless of course, there isn't an emergency going on, and I see that right now there is, so of course, I shall be exceedingly useless as far as saving the day is concerned.)

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies launches large amounts of explosive devices in the general direction of the MewMech III]

I'm sure we can find an opening for you somewhere. You any good at blowing up MewMechs? This is the third one and it's starting to get a bit tedious...

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies fires off a few volleys with his Sumpremely Evil Death Ray]

Oh naturally.

I'm one of those advanced races whose powers are beyond mortal comprehension. I never actually do anything useful with them, but I have them.

Can you disable anti-galaxy bombs?

~~A~~

Ah! A newcomer! Excellent...
Ok, first off, I'm currently playing PCT2 in this, an evil doppelganger of the real Pr. C. Tonks, whose, well, you know, pretty darn intelligent.
Anyway, you'ld best pop over to http://www.h2g2.com/A432460 to find out just what you need to know...

Didn't you notice? The Anti-Galaxy Bomb failed to detonate correctly just as the MewMech III appeared.

[YC draws his lightsaber]

[YC] You won't get us!

[Before he can arm it, he is squished under the front right-hand paw of the new MewMech]

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies disembarks his ship, setting it to fly around causing havoc on autopilot. He lands smoothly by the foot which just squashed YC, produces his new, improved Katana of Evil and starts hacking away at the toughened metal, sending sparks and chips flying everywhere]

[stressed] Should have gotten this thing sharpened before I started using it. I knew it was a mistake to save the money and opt for a normal edge when I could have had a monomolecular blade!

The mysterious alien being (or MAB to her friends) chooses this moment to announce in a sepulchral tone "Fear is born of ignorance. Ignorance is born of not going to school. School is born of... well, actually it's not born."

Not content with that extremely useful contribution to the conflict, she attempts to distract the MewMech by pointing and yelling "What's that over there?"

[I meant Stars! I meant Stars!!]

[The MewMech III responds to the MAB by launching spherical robots with legs at it -- the same kind, in fact, as the robots that ran around the MewMech I. These, however, explode either on impact with the ground or on contact with the Characters.]


Just to note, characters can decide that they weren't hit. Just don't do this too much or you won't be any fun.

Also, the bomb hasn't detonated yet. It has yet to detonate, and will do so in about five and a half TV minutes, or 85% damage. And then, after a moment, Stars will explode.


[Total damage to MewMech: 15%]

MAB -> YARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Spherical robots with legs? How could it have known I'm powerless against spherical robots with legs? Oh horror, catastrophe appalling! Will my career end so soon after joining this illustrious crew?

The MAB quickly hides behind the crew member without a last name, who as we all know, is slated to die in this episode, and who vanishes instantly in a puff of smoke upon impact with said spherical robot with legs.

MAB -> "Inaction is merely the state of doing nothing.
Action isn't."

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies sits cross-legged beside the MewMech's largely undamaged foot, pulls out a whetstone and begins to sharped his Katana of Evilness, muttering all the while about not having the foresight to buy a monomolecular blade. He is oblivious to more or less everything around him]

[First, the status of YK's team:]
[YK: Blown to Bermuda (will come back when the Esirpretne reaches Earth)]
[YC: Squished underfoot]
[YQ: Nervous]
[Mackenzie: Powerful]
[Link: Overenthusiastic]
[Navi: Next to Link]
[Zelda: Hanging back]
[Nerfal: Blasting away]
[For other information about these characters, visit YK's user page by clicking on his name]

[Nerfal is blasting away, Mackenzie is firing bursts of fire at the MewMech, and Link is swinging his sword like crazy, smashing at the MewMech as he goes. Zelda is standing back, out of range]


Say ... the good guy(s) fighting and the princess standing back out of range sounds a whole lot like ... the third boss in Tail Concerto!

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies continues to sharpen his Katana of Evil. The sound of whetstone on blade would be slightly unnerving if the MewMech wasn't making so much noise that it drowns it out completely]

[First Mew] }Take this!{

[The paw lifts up off of YC and swats the FSCC. It turns toward Nerfal, who seems to be the most immediate threat. It also ejects from its behind a roughly cat-shaped explosive hero-seeking droid, which heads for Link]

[Total damage done: 30%]

*Affy, meanwhile, is hiding behind a molecule with the robot*

I don't get it. You say that you know the entire plot, but won't tell me what's going on, or any easy ways to defeat this new boss?

*The robot nods its head*

Why not?

ROBOT-Do you know about Crayak, Drode, and the Ellimist?

*Affy nods*

ROBOT-It's something like that. Anyway, I can give you this, however.

*Affy looks at what the android is holding out to him*

Affy-You can't be serious.

Robot-I'm only allowed to do the absolute minimum to help you. I can't even tell you what to do with this.

Affy-But I already *know* what to do with it!

Robot-See? That solves all of our problems!

*Affy grumbles, take what the robot is offering him, and steps out from behind the Molecule*

Alright, Mews! You asked for it!

*Affy throws the apple at the MewMechIII*

MAB points dramatically at the Mewmech and intones "Violence is just a way that hostile races say hello."

Then she runs behind Billy the Night Janitor who is mopping up the blood from the melee.

Billy "I thought you knew how to disable this thing?"

MAB "To know is not to do. To do is not to see. To see is not to save."

Billy can't seem to make head or tail of this particular piece of wisdom.

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies is knocked flying by the MewMech. Thankfully, years of Evilness have given him a very resilient skin, so he only tears his suit. Brushing it down and straightening it as best he can, he brandishes his now-very-very-very-sharp Katana of Evil]

Take this, MewMech!

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies takes a mighty swing, cutting deep into the MewMech's left foot. He takes another, then another, and a triangular piece of plating falls into the ground.]

Ahah!

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies throws a Pocket Nuclear Bomb into the hole, quickly puts the plate back and runs away. Moments later, it explodes.]

Hey, I think that's overstepping continuity! MaW, pop over to http://www.h2g2.com/A351866 to see what I mean!