h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[voice off] I wish I'd gotten here sooner!

*Finishes ploughing through the backlog to try and find something about getting his memory back*

Hmm, It seems that I transmitted my thought patterns to hte ship before I crashed, but their not here. Looks like we've got a sub-plot for the next installment

Hmm...the quest for Croz's memories...

Sounds good to me...

Mr BluesSlider! Mr Joolsee! HI!

*this is so cool, the boys are back in town...*

Right, if there's something that needs killing in the science lab (or wherever) then if we crash the ship, then that should kill two birds with one stone...

All hands to lifepods!

Mr Bluebottle, plot a course for the surface!

Let's ROCK AND ROLL!

Right...now all we need to do it hope there's not one last HS ship out there waiting to beam all the lifepods onboard...

*quorn wanders onto the bridge, body limp, face lifeless* who called out the abp...apb...whatever... *strokes his eyes*...oh.... so you killed them then... thats nice *yaaaawwwn, pats nearest person on the back* thats good work boys, everyone to ten-forward for a jolly old knees-up then... *wanders off the bridge*

Erm...Quorn...in not much longer...there's erm...not going to *be* a ten-forward...............

...but there'll be a better one in the new ship...don't worry...

With an even better bar!
*Seeing that no-one else is plunging the ship into a death dive, decides to do it himself*
WEEEEE!!!
The Esirpretne rolls majestically over and plummets downwards

OK...now would be a very good time to get an escape pod.........

*looks out the viewscreen*

Yes...a very, very, very good time.....

*runs off & hopes people follow before it's too late....?*

*Stumbles across the bridge, shaking and wobbling around*
*Notices that no-one else is shaking and wobbling, and the camera isn't bouncing*
Oh, ve haven't got to that part yet...
*Decides to clasp the conn and notices a blinking red light*
The varp core is collapsing, ve've got less than 2 minutes before the ship explodes! Either that or ve forgot to fill up at the last services...
*Decides to follow E to an escape pod*

[The Esirpretne plummets toward the planet, and then--]

KABLOOIE!

He-he! Sorry, I couldn't resist startling everyone with that.

[realizes that there is no one left to be startled]

Oh heck.

[Exits and finds R2-B4, his astromech droid (who looks like R2-D2 except that he is green where R2-D2 is blue) preparing to enter an escape pod] Hey! You're not permitted in there! It's restricted!

[R2-B4 blats at him. YK consults a data pad] I know, just kidding.

[The two board and they find that the escape pod mechanism is jammed] Oh f***! Even in the future nothing works!

*Walks past YK's pod and kicks it. The door closes, and the pod launches*

Okay everyone, I'm going to take a special pod that I had made for this kind of purpose. If anyone would like to ride in the same escape pod used in the opening sequence of the game PLANETFALL, come with me. It'll automatically launch at the last possible moment.

*Walks over to a bulkead, enters the escape pod, and sits down in the safety web*

*walks over & sits next to Affy...*

[from falling pod] Ahh, I wanted that ending!

[R2-B4 gives YK the raspberry]

*DD rescues a bottle of Scotch from his quarters*

Cap'n I think this old girl deserves a toast.

To Esirpretne, a good ship back in time full of enterprise and to her noble crew *hic*

*Pours Bottle down throat*

*joins DD in a toast, then helps him to an escape pod*

Right, so there's nobody else left on board...

the old dear can blow up impressively without hurting anyone...

kewl.

*gets in escape pod, launches*

The Esirpretne glows bright red as it plunges through the atmosphere...

CRAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHH!

[In case you're wondering, YK has just landed his escape pod on a bunch of metal trash cans. Can't help thinking that IRL that would make a big amount of noise.]

*watches out of the window & waits for the pyrotechnics to start*

*Crawls out of the luggage compartment of Affy's pod.*

So, has it crashed yet?

*CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
*EXPLOSIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
*BLOOD AND GUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
*CGI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Yep.