h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Right, I've sent out an APB to all the crew that I haven't seen for a while... let's see who turns up...

Mr Bluebottle, head straight for The General! It must not reach Earth!

*turns up although was never really gone - only invisible... *

*Walks out Janeway style on to the bridge, and over to an instrument panel on the bridge, looking supremely sure of herself*

Now I get to *pay* them *back* for what they did- together we will avenge the memory of my crew.

*Walks onto the bridge*

So, what's up?

*A knocking is heard from the Bridge Bulkhead*

*Checkout steps onto the bridge, looking refreshed after his whore leave, I mean shore leave *
Okay, keptin. What's going on?
*Slides into the tactical chair at the back of the bridge and makes some beeping noises*

Yes, I'm still waiting for an answer to that one...

I got out of bed after being awakened by the Captain's APB or whatever, I ran all the way here - across this incredibly large space vessel to the bridge and here I am still waiting

*from a corner which no one had paid much attention to, a voice is heard...*

Ну что, дадим етим сукиным сынам?

*suddenly, the one who speaks realises he should perhaps use a language that everyone understands... *

OK... Let's get those Horrible Somethings...

*PP emerges from the corner, looking highly alert & ready to do anything...*

Okay, basically, folks, we're all that stands between The General (the Horrible Somethings' worldship) and Earth. They're lookin' pretty Horrible...

We need to stall them until Eomando's team disable them from the inside. Tatty, you were the explosives expert, right? Maybe you could advise them - they're in an explosives-filled chamber at the moment...

Whatever happens, we need to defend Earth, with our lives if necessary...

*absolutely beaming with happiness at the fact that so many people responded to the APB*

Oh, and someone get DD out of that bulkhead, could you?

*helps DD get out of the Bulkhead...*

Captain... it might be an unqualified remark, I know, but why don't we beam our team out of there & fight the ship?

Beam us out of here, fast.


*The timer on the bomb in the explosive storage room on board the General shows less than 1 minute left*

To be exact it says 58.23564 seconds. Or so the Vulcan tells me.

*seeing no one feels he has to do something, PP decides to act*

*goes over to a computer console*


Beaming you over, away team... Get ready...


*beaming effects*

*the away team materialises on the bridge*

How did it go, guys?

*someone says the explosion will be in 2 seconds, so everyone looks at the screen.....*

*wipes sweat from brow*

Phew, just in the nick of time.

Aye. The clock has stopped with 1 second remaining. Somehow I win the sweep again.

Just as usual, ain't it?

*looks at the ship, waiting for it to explode... It *should* do so exectly... er... now!*

KAAAABOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!

Materialises out of the ether in the neighbourhood of the small black hole located near Coma 7. Phew that was close...


Aren't we a bit close to that black hole?

Are you kidding?

*Pushes some extra out of a chair and sits down. Steers the Esirpretne closer to the black hole*

Why do you think I installed the black hole mining gear onto this ship in the first conversation of this story? To mine black holes.

*Fires a few black hole stabilizers to protect the ship*

Hey, this is great. More money. Say, MaW, what's our cut for being in this film?

Are we?