h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[OUTTAKE]

[GL regales the crew with tales of the Salami Races]

[GL] So then I --

[Mew abruptly rushes in and gives GL a kiss]

[GL] GAA!

[The Jelly Problem]

[Link throws his hookshot away and starts eating the jelly; it smacks him upside the head]

[Exterior, Jungle]

* Shot of approaching Hungus. Hungus gets closer. Hungus gets *very* close. Shaking of image as cameraman tries to get his arm out of wriststrap. ECU Hungus. Shot of sky, with cracks across lens. Moaning on soundtrack.

[Shot of Red and a nameless/ageless/genderneutral adventurer]

[Adventurer] Mysterious Person In Red, where is the Mauve Key?

[Red] Stick it up your nose. [sticks it up Adventurer's nose]

[Adventurer] OW! [hat falls off, revealling Robert DiNero] That wasn't supposed to happen!

[Montage of various characters punching other vaerious characters in the gut]

[Interior, Mangar]

Montressor glides down a hallway. YK and Peet round a corner ahead. Montressor raises his arm to fire his snowzar. There is a small "pop" and a flag reading "BANG" pops out of the muzzle. Montressor turns it and looks at it. The camera begins to jiggle as the cameraman starts to laugh. YK and Peet burst out laughing. Montressor starts to shake and tips over, causing his top to spring open, revealing a short actor in hysterics.

[The montage ended with Y4K punching himself]

[Anyway, the dragon problem. They walk up to the dragon and the scene becomes a FF9 battle scene. Ten seconds of them fighting in this style]

*Show Affy pick up the chunk of Illumynite, gaze at it in wonder, turn around, and fall right into the computer animated quicksand. The Implementors run onto the scene and mock him*

[At Flood Control Dam #3]
The flood gates open and water rushes through. The villians that had been stalking the party of heros is washed away. Camera zooms to show the villians climbing out of the water downstream. The camera show SEA climbing out and shaking her fist towards the heroes. This scene is the same as the final scene, except Sea's wig is on crooked with the side turned slightly towards the front. She pushes it back into place, but overcorrects and it turns to almost cover her face. She swipes at it again and it swivels to completely cover her face. She whips it off and throws it on the ground and glares at the camera.

[The Space Krakken appears. Suddenly a hand the size of Springfield, Illonois reaches up and starts strangling it]

*The Mangar is approaching the giant Hour Glass Nebula. Suddenly, two tendrils zoom out and begin to pull the Mangar into the eye. The nebula starts spinning, faster and faster and faster! Then it spins right off of the axis, revealing a very surprised looking stagehand*

[Mew materializes and knocks the ice wall over. It smashes the room except for the DM; he had the good fortune for the hole to fall around him. Er, I think that's a clear enough explaination

[I get it.]

[The Mangar flies into the cubeship and explodes. Superimposed caption: "GAME OVER"]

Er, does DM stand for Dungeon Master?

That, or Danger Mouse...

Or Dead Magician...


[Whoever it was] YK, just how old ARE you??

[YK] Oh, I'm about a googleplex. Or to be precise, nine hundred seventy-eight gentillion, three hundred and seventy four pedillion ...

Yes, DM stands for Dungeon Master. But don't think of him as your typical guy who rolls dice and tells how many experience points you get, that's D&D. A Zork Dungeon Master is a much more interesting role to play (I've been one three times over!).


*Show picture of the charging hungus. It trips on a branch, and the costume comes off revealing a very short yak*

The camera zooms in to show one of Affy's pies floating through space near the Raven. The camera pulls back out, but goes too far, clearly showing the wire going up from the pie to a stick, being held by a technician. The technician glances at the camera, winks, then swings the stick so that the pie flys through the air and into Red's face as he sits in a chair at the side of the set. The other actors burst out laughing as Red scrapes whipped cream from his face.

[YK] [from the previous shot of him] ... five hundred nineteen quillion, six hundred sixty-six villion, three hundred four illion ...

[To the 1812 Overture, the various starships in the Mangol/Rodentar/STUMPED fleet explode]

BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA DA DUM! [boom] BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA DA DUM! [boom] BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA DA DUM! [boom] BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA DA DUM! [boom] [etc]