h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Various shots of various people getting hit with ]

At this point the film stutters, stops, bubbles and snaps. That's *definitely* all until the next mission... House lights come up, Galactic Anthem plays, stormtroopers come in to clear the theatre...

*Joel, Crow, Servo, and Mike (from MST3K) slowly stand up and yawn*

Crow-Well, *that's* the worst movie I've ever seen.

Joel-Yeah, you'd think that Dr. Forrester would actually put some thought into these movies before making us watch them. Now, if he installed these theaters with modified Vogon Poetry Appreciation Equipment, this might work.

Mike-Erm, Joel? Dr. Forrester's gone for good, and we're not being forced to watch these movies anymore.

Joel-Oh. Yeah. So why did we watch such a bad movie?

*The discussion continues until everyone leaves the theatre*

Mew!

[YK] Well, that's that's that's that's that.

[Mackenzie] Is that supposed to mean anything?

[YK] Probably not. Why?

Here. vee see a classic example ov the phenomenon known as "Thread Inertia", vhere a thread will carry on for some time after it's reason for existing has expired. Sad individuals, finding a hole in their lives, continue to post in the hope that the thread will blossom back to its former glory; sadly, zis has never been observed to happen.


It's 2001, guys! Can't we retro-fit HAL onto the Mangar and head off for another mission?

I'm working on another mission right now. Not thought of adding a Hal 9000, though. But in any event, I'm going to wait for GL to get back for the next Mission to start. Hope you're all going to be ready for: Missions Of The Mangar II: Goodbye Galaxy!

I'll admit that I've taken the name and premise from something else, but anyone who likes a good spoof should enjoy this plotline. Providing you played ID Software games from the early nineties, that is.

I'll try and squeeze in Hal, if I can.

The books had HAL 9000 and SAL 9000 - can we have VAL 9000, whose usefulness is limited to coming up with new uses for toilet roll tubes, washing up liquid bottles and sticky-back plastic...?

...or PAL 9000, a bio-processor best described as "a small metal cylinder filled with meaty chunks"...

[YK] Well, how about --


[On the Bug]

[CAL 9000 (heuristiCally programmed ALgorithmic computer)] [voice over, singing] Daisy, daisy give me your answer do ... [etc. under the following]

[YK] YC! What's with the new computer system you got for the Bug?

[YC] Oh, it's something I picked up in honor of an arbitrarily chosen minute that has no real meaning for the rest of the universe. Affy's got it for the Mangar, too.

[Cal] Excuse me, I'm trying to sing.

[YC and YK] [in stereo] Sorry.


[YK] And then there's ...


[In the Mangar's mess hall]

[Red-shirted extra] So, what's for dinner?

[HAL 9000 (Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer)] About the only thing expected for 2001 that Arthur Clarke got right.

[RSE] And that would be?

[A McDonalds box comes out of a dispenser]

[Hal] A chicken look-alike.


[YK] And, of course:


[In space]

[Affy] Hal, open the pod bay doors.

[Hal] I'm sorry, Affy. I cannot.

[Mackenzie] Another suggestion: howabout we start a new thread? The next thing will DEFINITELY not be a mission to Zork.

We could have a roving story... Pick someone's user page at random, start the plot there, then when a page or so has been posted pick some other poor sucker's page and shift there... Repeat as required. It might pick up a few new recruits...

[Mr. Burns] Excellent...

We could plot it like Quantum Leap/Sliders/Time Tunnel, where we had a maximum number of posts at any one location before the next "Jump"...

Hmmm, that might be interesting. It'd be a good way to forestall the final climax that I've built up, anyway.

How 'bout HAM 9000, recently upgraded from being a Nutrimat (with a bit of thespian programming thrown in.)

But I'm not going to start the new mission until I can get in contact with most of the people who were involved in the last one. You know, a casual mention of the new plotline.

[YK] Why not just go to their pages and post a link?

[Link] Huh?

[YK] Not you.

Yes, that is what I was going to do. It's just going to take me a while to go through the entire roster, because we've had quite a few people showing up in this mission.

[YK] [Pepperpot impersonation -- Hey, it's been a bit since I'd done that] Oh yah.

Besides, I'm going to be gone for most of tomorrow, anyway. Probably a bit of the day after, as well.

[All of YK's characters] D'OH!