h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[YK cheats. In other words, he uses the Force to move large chunks of rock and dirt out of the ground. After a moment he realizes that this is in fact cheating and uses a shovel]

*Takes a pick axe and begins to dig.*

*Thinks* Wouldnt they keep a UFO inside area 51? *thinks*

*picks an 1881 silver dollar, heavily tarnished, out of the sieve*

That would be ironic, if we found a stash from the days when the Southwest Territory was a mess of wars and lawless gangs...

Uncle Heavy, listen for any hollow thunking when you're hitting the ground, same for YK and Garius. It isn't just money -- documents are also valuable for historians...

[YK] Good idea.




[Zelda] Are you SURE we're supposed to go /this/ way?

[YC] Trust me. We'll find what we need to over this next rise.

[Oh, by the way: I never described what happened to that wimple thing Zelda was wearing. She placed it with the rest of her princess dress, and now has her hair in a ponytail that's been bent up around itself. I'm not sure how to describe it...]

[Over this next rise, they see an Earth military installation]

[YC] Oh bloody zark.

[Link] Don't tell me: this isn't where we were supposed to go.

[YC] Got that right. Oh no -- I sense some locals.

[Zelda] You can deflect whatever they throw at you, right?

[YC] Possibly, but they're ahead of -- ugh!

[They are hit by stun guns from behind]

*looking up from sieve*
Did y'all hear shooting just now?

*Removes pith helmet, wipes forehead with sleeve, replaces helmet.*

I heard ~something~, not sure what, though. Ummm, I'm not armed.

*looks nervous*

*About 8 feet down, GL's shovel hits something metalic. He clears away some of the sand and finds the end of an I-beam. The I-beam angles into the sand at about a 60 degree angle.*

Hey guys! I think I found the wreck. This I-beam end is the tip of the UFO-berg, I think. And what was that noise I heard up there?

[YK retracts his Jedi-Enhanced Senses]

[YK] Old-style ... chemical-fired ... jolt-causing stun weapons ... thataway!

[points in the directions our two remaining heroes our remaining heroine have got to]


[YC wakes up in a military-style cell, along with three guards and General Washington (No, not THAT General Washington.) ]

[YC] Ugh ... I can't believe it!

[First Guard] Heh.

[General Washington] We've been working on fields that can block telepathy.

[YC] That explains that.

[Washington] And don't attempt to use telekinesis on me. It won't work.

[YC] What if it does?

[Washington] Then I'll be very surprised.

[YC considers this, and then knocks over Washington by making gale-force winds using the Force. When these subside, Washington gets up]

[Washington] I might have known. [He gestures at the guards, who have raised their weapons, and they ease up]

*Our heroes are moving away from the dig site (very reluctantly on Affy's part, who was busy staring at the hull and considering taking pictures), and look over a sand dune. Affy looks up, then quickly pulls his head back down*

It's Area 51. I've been here before, and it ain't nice if they find you. Now, a few of us might not have trouble just talking our way out of it, but...

*Motions to his slightly tipped ears, GL, YK's robes, and UH's obvious super-hero abilities*

...chances are, we'll all be guilty by association. And if I know my Men In Black (not the good ones from the Men In Black movie, but the bad ones who haven't made contact yet), their sensors have detected us already. We could probably hold off the guards, but we should try to maintain as low a profile as possible. At least in this forum, Earth is unaware of outside life (other forum conversations may vary, limited while supplies last), so we shouldn't give them any reason to come looking for us. Now,...

*Affy looks up and sees a few frowning people dressed all in black suits who calmly walked up while Affy was rambling. Affy frowns, and holds his hands in the air. The guards watch the motion, watching for any funny movements. This, of course, makes them stare directly at the neuralizer (from the Men In Black movie) Affy has on one of the fingers of his OmeGauntlet. After the specially aimed flash (after all, we wouldn't want the heroes to be neutralized), a glazed look comes over the guard's faces. Affy calmly walks over to them and picks their pockets*

You guys should really be more careful. Why on Earth were you wandering around the desert like that? And what with all of the people who you just *know* are going to try and sneak in. Now, go back to the base and report for duty!

*The guards slink away. When they're out of earshot, Affy turns back*

Okay, when those guards report for duty, it'll put Area 51 on guard. We need in, fast. I managed to pick an ID card off of one of those guys, but we'll need some way to get to an entry door without being seen. Any ideas?

*Our heroes are moving away from the dig site (very reluctantly on Affy's part, who was busy staring at the hull and considering taking pictures), and look over a sand dune. Affy looks up, then quickly pulls his head back down*

It's Area 51. I've been here before, and it ain't nice if they find you. Now, a few of us might not have trouble just talking our way out of it, but...

*Motions to his slightly tipped ears, GL, YK's robes, and UH's obvious super-hero abilities*

...chances are, we'll all be guilty by association. And if I know my Men In Black (not the good ones from the Men In Black movie, but the bad ones who haven't made contact yet), their sensors have detected us already. We could probably hold off the guards, but we should try to maintain as low a profile as possible. At least in this forum, Earth is unaware of outside life (other forum conversations may vary, limited while supplies last), so we shouldn't give them any reason to come looking for us. Now,...

*Affy looks up and sees a few frowning people dressed all in black suits who calmly walked up while Affy was rambling. Affy frowns, and holds his hands in the air. The guards watch the motion, watching for any funny movements. This, of course, makes them stare directly at the neuralizer (from the Men In Black movie) Affy has on one of the fingers of his OmeGauntlet. After the specially aimed flash (after all, we wouldn't want the heroes to be neutralized), a glazed look comes over the guard's faces. Affy calmly walks over to them and picks their pockets*

You guys should really be more careful. Why on Earth were you wandering around the desert like that? And what with all of the people who you just *know* are going to try and sneak in. Now, go back to the base and report for duty!

*The guards slink away. When they're out of earshot, Affy turns back*

Okay, when those guards report for duty, it'll put Area 51 on guard. We need in, fast. I managed to pick an ID card off of one of those guys, but we'll need some way to get to an entry door without being seen. Any ideas?

*While all these happenings have been going on, Lil has been nervously twisting the old silver dollar, rubbing it between thumb and index knuckle. Suddenly she feels it begin to tingle and vibrate*

*At the same time a trio of riders suddenly is seen loping toward the rise. They should have been visible from much further off across the flat semi-desert, but instead these riders have simply shimmered into view as if they had ridden out of a mirage*

*There are three of them, ponying spare horses carrying supplies. They are dressed rough and old-fashioned, two older men with lined faces and a youth in a sugarloaf sombrero with a green hatband*

*Seeing the group of rather disparate and oddly dressed researchers, they pull up and stare; the younger one puts a hand on the stock of his scabbarded winchester*

*stares hard at the strangers then grins*

How d'ye do? Air you missionaries? You've got your work cut out for you in the Territories!

*his compadres laugh and exchange looks*

*Having seen Lil's reconstruction of the Billy the Kid tintype, GL thinks he recognises Billy, but can't believe his eyes. Decides it must just be an uncanny resemblance.*

Hello. No, we aren't missionaries. We're just, um, looking for something we lost. And we're trying to think of a way to get some of our friends out of the hands of some local officials. Say, are you related to Billy the Kid - you bear a striking resemblance.

Good Job, Affy. Do you know how far we are from the compound? At what cost do we look for the UFO equiptment? What happened to YC? I'm sure I saw him round here a few minutes ago.

*is staring at the young rider in amazement*

*leans forward, resting one hand on the stock of his rifle and one on the pommel*

Did I hear you to say you were requiring a diversion?
*grins, showing buck teeth*

[YC is being interrogated by Washington when he senses a lot of goings on]

[YC] Sorry, would you repeat the question?

[Washington] I said, what is your homeworld of origin? [to a guard] Yes?

[Second Guard] I said, all the MIB's just reported for duty. And there's a bunch of ... er, cowboys headed towards us...

[Washington] What!?

[YC] Cowboys!?

[Washington] You know about this?

[YC] Oh, sure. [The lie detector gives a piercing buzz] Okay, I had no idea. [Ding]

Uh, uh *having trouble catching her breath*, uh...

Yes, we need to have someone draw off those guards so we can get some of our group out of jail. Could you help?

*has got over her suprise and is looking enraptured*

*Watches the goings on intensely. Remembers that she's got her tiny camera in her tote bag. Casually extracts it and starts discreetly snapping photos of the trio of riders.*

*Affy looks at the three cowboys, barely suppressing a grin*

Say, Bill, when you're through helping us here, I don't suppose you'd assist me in the forming of a new place on h2g2, one which you would definitely add some atmosphere to.

*Examines the not-too-distant Area 51 building*

This is frustrating. Even with the legendary Kid helping us, how are we going to divert their attention? What could possibly hold enough interest for the guards...say, Bill, I don't supose you could shoot down a weather balloon, could you?