h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*WM's tummy makes grumbly noises*

Can't we at least bring box lunches with us? That prime rib smells ~so~ good. Please, please please?

[The Millenium Bug lands next to the UFO nicely]

[YK] Okay, now remember, Earth is a Pre-Interstellac Contact planet, so no mingling with the locals, no underage drinking, and no --

[YQ] Jeez, YK, we all know this!

[Mackenzie] It's for the benefit of the kids.

[Nerfal] YK, why don't we just leave them here?

[Link and Zelda] Hey!


Because that will make it certain that they will sneak out at a later time and find Area 51, where they will be imprisoned for being aliens! But we don't know that yet.


[YK] Good idea. YQ, lock the doors behind us. Oh, and make sure YC's still unconscious.

[YQ fires a Snowzar blast. It rickochets (sp?) off the wall, bounces off the game table, goes through a door, and freezes YC.]

[YQ] Done.

*convestion oven beeps loudly*
Dinner's ready. Why don't we eat while Affy outlines the plan of operation?

It's really hot and dry out there, once we get away from these trees and the water source that is sustaining them. Oh, and be careful of the water: the Pecos River is very alkaline, quite the ex-lax cocktail.

I say we eat it now. This is a leisure adventure so far. We should keep it that way for as long as possible. I remember the last salvage operation I was on. A planet called Doom. My ship crashed, and I only had about four-hundred minutes to salvage other ships around the area for the spare parts I needed to take off. Did find a few interesting treasures, though. There was a perfect conductor, which is worth a fortune on any market. And I also found just a kilo of gold lying in a small time rift in one of the more impressive crashes...

*Thinks back to previous adventures as he gets ready for dinner. However, in the pre-meal excitement, no one notices that the mysterious extra weight is no longer there on the cargo mass graph*

[YK, YQ, Nerfal, and Mackenzie board the UFO]

[YQ] I have a bad feeling about this.

[YK] I sense nothing.

[YQ] All right, try it from THIS angle.

[YK does so]

[YK] It's probably nothing. Remember when we were on Coruscant?

[YQ laughs]

[YQ] Oh, yeah, that insane dimension effect!

[Neither of them seem to notice that there are no huge cities to cause the insane dimension effect]

So, anyone want to place any bets about the top secret cargo? I'm trying to figure out if it's something I don't already have access to. Most of the stuff I can think of would be stuff they made available to the public about three years before the Crater was founded. But then again, there were some races of aliens that are still considered a few centuries ahead of our time. Many of them mysteriously dissapeared. Some of them we have documented evidence that they evolved to the state of being pan-dimensional. Others are just really advanced and don't want to share their technology with anyone. Who knows what the cargo could be...

*presses the big orange button behind the microwave, causing a long table to unfold down the center of the passenger cabin*

*Lil puts out plates and cutlery and proceeds to carve the roast*

I am trying to imagine what the 50-year-old technology might be like. Even if it was the equivalent of the B ark and the cargo turns out to be telephone cleaning equipment and fake acrylic nails, you can still gut the ship.

*putting out baked potatoes, steamed broccoli, vegetarian moussaka, sliced roast beef and mushroom gravy, plus all the sorts of things that are good on baked potatoes, like butter and sour cream and cheese and bacon bits and chopped chives*

Please dig in. I have apple pie with ice cream, apples and brie, raspberry sorbet and, and, I forget what else for dessert.

*removes Springie from her lap and sits down at the groaning board*

This looks marvelous.

It really doesn't matter to me what we might find out there. I'm just in this for the adventure. But I love gadgets. You know, like PDAa and PIMs and the appliances Affy and Garius built for me for the 24-Seven.

I wouldn't mind finding a new toy to play with.

I'm glad this is a leisurely adventure, so far at least. *serves herself some of the pinker slices of beef and unwraps a potato*

If there were something I would want to find in the crash site, it would have to be aesthetic. A work of art, perhaps, or a radical sort of painting tool.

Uncle Heavy? We haven't heard from you since you narrowly averted seeing Julie Andrews. Are you ok? Uncle Heavy? *shakes his shoulder*

A work of art would be nice. If there's enough, we could give one painting to the Atelier, one to the clones, one to put in the CHOPPERS secret hideout, one to the 24-7, one to CLI, and one to sell and split the profit.

Lil, this pie is delicious! Thanks for the meal.

[YK enters]

[YK] [Homer Simpson voice] Mmmm ... pie.

*trying to get up to speed on all the YK identities*
Uh, who would like dinner?

Affi, Uncle Heavy is not responding.

[To see a list of my characters, see my user page. Currently here are YK, YQ, Nerfal, and Mackenzie. YC, Link, and Zelda are locked on the Millenium Bug, YC's starship, the second-fastest hunk o' junk in the galaxy. The Falcon's the first]

[YK] I'll have pie.

[YQ] We'll have some actual dinner.

[Mackenzie] I second that.

[Nerfal] Stand on hand, stand on feet! I want meat for to eat!

*hands out plates and carves more beef*
Help yourselves from the chafing dishes and have a seat!

*decides not to worry about the comatose Uncle Heavy until somebody else notices*

How would we recognise that an alien work of art is a work of art and not, say, a wiring diagram or a day-planner or just a scuffed part of the wall?

[YK] With a zarking load of difficulty.

[YQ] Unless we've got Grand Admiral Thrawn, and he's a bit dead-ish...

I could probably recognize it. This is an Althian ship, and I'm one of the closest things to a human expert on Althian lifestyles. I could tell a day planner from something by their answer to Da Vinci.

Ah! *finishes main course and fixes herself some apple pie with ice cream*

And what is the Althian aesthetic like? I have never seen anything Althian, so I don't know if I'm buying into Alfonse Mucha or Jackson Pollock.

More pie, anyone? Affi, what shall we do about Uncle Heavy? I think he has gone into a coma.

[YK] Mmmm ... pie. Oh, wait, I've already said that.

[YQ] And a good job too.

[Mackenzie] Good food.

[The three of them proceed to stuff themselves silly]

*takes a piece of pie*

Well, you'll know it's ~not~ art if it's on velvet.

I wonder if the Althians knew about Elvis?