h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Steve jumped up and put both paws on the researcher's chest, pushing him flat on the ground. Panting droplets onto the poor researcher's nose, he looked down.. "And why do you keep calling me Stupid?" he asked.

Now Steve had missed the other researcher and hit the present researcher/me. I freaked out and accidently shot out some of my omnipotent powers. Next thing you know (TIME WARP: creepy music plays and past events in history cycle by as we travel through a tunnel effect) Everything went back to a few posts ago (slightly altered due to time warp).

Maria replied a bit annoyed: "Well who the hell is he"
Finally the robot said "Arnold the helper monkey."
Arnold quickly yelled something about having hit the big time then Maria hit him in the groin and told him to shut up.

"Just kidding," it said, and then, laughing, "First road to the left, silly!"

(That's what you get for using a time warp: repeat performances)

Steve jumped up... he wasn't sure why because there was no researcher there so he landed on his feet looking confused. Which was all-in-all a good thing because otherwise they'd have ended up in an infinite loop, and not the one in Cupertino.

So they went down the first road to the left, except for Bruce who went down the first road to his right because he didn't know right from left.

And then, due to cutbacks in H2G2 budgets, the story came to an abrupt end.

What? Oh, sorry, wrong forum.
Write on then.

So all except Bruce (who was quite surprised to find he was still sticking with the group even though he had distinctly decided to go right) went left...

(I'm not sure I quite understand that last sentance. Sorry, but I'll just try to work around it.)

Bruce stared at the other members of the group. Why was there a thirteen foot tall fence covered with ivy between them?

"Hey, Bruce," Elliot started, "You went right. You're supposed to go left."

Bruce began to turn around, but couldn't because blocking his path was . . .

... (COMMERCIAL BREAK) -
Buy swiffer, unexplained fires are a matter for the courts so buy swiffer!

Vote yes on Prop, oh who cares, bring on the pointless nudity!!

Four minutes of pointless dancing later, Buy from toyota!

(End COMMERCIAL BREAK)...

"Oh I hate those Commercials! Why do they always have to stand in the way?" Bruce murred.
"Well, it's over now. You can go!" Elliot pushed him in his back, towards the place where the roads had split.
"But I want to be with you guys... " Bruce complained, but Elliot shows no mercy.
"You destiny is to take the other road, so DO it!" And Bruce slowly turned around to go the other way, when suddenly....

The next researcher couldn't figure out which way he was facing. So he just decided that bruce was heading down the second path while the others went the otherway. 1/4 mile later the two roads became one again. When bruce rejoined the others he said:
"Elliot, if the roads were going to rejoin again then why was it part of my destiny at all to go down that one. It wasn't any different from the one you went down, was it?"
Elliot replied: "There was one difference, by going down that path you stepped in dog doodoo."
Bruce looked at his shoes with disgust. He was going to scrape it off but Elliot said it was his destiny to have it on his shoe for now and it would come in handy in 2 posts. So he didn't scrape the bulk of it off and the group continued down the road.

They hadn't gone very far though, when Bruce suddenly stopped and glanced around.
"Elliot.." He said... "Look at the road we are on! It made of golden, yellow bricks....."
"Lay that off, will you," Elliot moaned. "That belongs in another story, and you know that!"
Yes, Bruce knew.. but even though the road was made of yellow bricks and there were nothing they could do about it.

Suddenly a wolf jumped out at the group with growling mouth gaping open enough to show razor sharp teeth. Bruce tried using his foot to keep the wolf at bay but it bit at his shoe causing it to fall off. Elliot screamed "GET THE SHOE WITH THE DOG DOODOO ON IT, it could be useful"
Bruce carefully and quickly grabbed at his shoe before the wolf could grab his arm. It stunk and something from the bottom fell on his pants and he was so pissed that he threw it at Elliot. Elliot dodged it and it went flying off. It hit another wolf who ran at the group afterwards. When the first wolf saw it coming it attacked it to protect its ground. As the wolves fought our group ran further down the road until the wolves couldn't be seen anymore.
Bruce said "Well I guess you were right, the shoe did come in handy." Just then...

an innocent passerby felt dead to the ground. The group didn't see why that should be any of their business, and just kept walking. Little did they know about...

Death, who was vacationing in another story while on strike.

They continued down the road and suddenly Maria said: "Well isn't anyone gonna ask about how Arnold could be my brother and rightful heir to the throne?" Everyone kind of looked at her and mumbled something about not confusing the plot any further. A few minutes later they realized that the researcher couldn't remember the directions to the coronation and just had them walk for about 15 minutes before just passing on the responsibility of finding the directions to the next researcher who...

was called aPerson.

So the present researcher had to look back and found out that they were following the left road already so they should be there soon, or so he thought. Just then the group came accross a sign that had a message written on it, which said: "Royal Coronation 3 miles down the road, but to further this plot only people who have 35 cents, 2 living golden horses, a visa card, and 13 Pentium III chips can enter the coronation. Anyone trying to enter without these things will be killed."
The group started thinking about how much writing the sign had on it. But they decided that they could probably find most of that junk in town so...

The started back down the road. It wasn't long til Arnold (he's a prince now?) began to get that feeling of being followed. He tugged on Elliot's pantleg and pointed back. Elliot fumbled in his pocket and found the opera glasses he kept there and peered back along their path. Sure enough, there was a Pentium III chip, following them and jotting every action they made (and what they were wearing and what they'd eaten and.. well, you get the point) in a little notebook. As Elliot watched, the chip got out an envelope, addressed it to MicroShaft Catacomb Company and put several pages from his notebook inside.

About that time another PIII walked by, picked up the envelope and wandered off.

But before the PIII had gone III steps, a golden horse leaped out and ate it. Another one leaped out and ate the first PIII. The two horses noticed each other and grinned horsey sorts of grins. Bruce, seeing the opportunity, grabbed the halters of the two horses, who happened to be named "Poop" and "Nuggets" in honour of some researcher or other.

"Great," Eliot said. "Now we just need to find that other stuff from a couple of posts ago."

They all looked up to the previous post to see what they needed.

35 cvents, a Visa card, and eleven more PIII chips. Unless the two eaten ones don't count. Anyway, while they were looking at this info, the two golden horses began to notice how similar they were to the Mares Of Diomedes in Greek Mythology. They kept wondering that until . . .

...the two swallowed Pentium III chips jumped out of the horse's mouths and collided with eachother. Arnold put them into a convenient satchel he had with him. Now they got the Visa card by breaking open a mailbox that was sitting in front of some big factory. Just then a big booming voice came from the sky and said "Thanks for naming the horses, Poop, and Nuggets."
The group got closer to the factory hoping to find 11 more PIII chips and 35 cents. They read the sign which said...