h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

They sat in the laundromat for several minutes as Maria's clothes washed. She was forced to wear a burlap sack since she had nothing else to wear while they washed. Arnold was doing card tricks when suddenly the villain burst through the dry cleaner's window. He then realized that that was the stupidest thing he had ever done and started down the road to the hospital to get assistance for his many cuts. By the time he was released our heroes had left the dry cleaners and eaten some dinner in town.

"Curses!" the villain shouted, throwing the food poison he had stored in his pocket away. He never had luck with poisoning food. The first hero he had ever tried this on was resistent, the second one was two, etc. By the time he had recalled his forty-nine previous villain assignments, our heroes were calling someone to pick them up for the coronation ceremony.

(Hey, this villain is the best thing that ever happened to our heroes!)

But our heroes didn't know that our villain didn't know that another villain (from now on called Villain #2 or Emperor Dark Nugget) had evil plans. He wanted to kill our beloved villain as revenge. It seems that our villain had bought an illegal fake registration for the Villains Society from Villain #2. He then turned Villain # 2 in to save himself in a deal with the prosecutors and Emperor Dark Nugget wanted revenge.

"Oh no!" Villain #1 shouted. "Not you!"

"Yes, it's good to see you, Mr. . . .

"...Villain" For a moment Emperor Dark Nugget/Villain #2 realized what an odd coincidence that villain #'s parents had named him villain. When he stopped thinking about it, he realized that villain #1 was running away and he began a chase.

This chase scene turned out to be uproriously hilarious, not un-like the "Great Pie Fight" scene from "The Great Race". Here's what happened: Mr. Villain ran towards a local marketplace, where . . .

...he somehow ended up as the butler to a fancy aristocrat woman who he had to keep happy or would lose his job. All the while Emperor Dark Nugget is doing various evil things like throwing bombs at them. Finally Nugget resorts to pie throwing and Villain must run in front of her to take the pies before they hit her while washing her precious poodle.

(I JUST WANTED TO GET THIS BACK ONTO THE TOP OF PEOPLE'S HOMEPAGES SO THE STORY COULD CONTINUE, let's get the replies going again.)

(Sorry, what with spring break & my computer crashing, I've not had much time for this story lately)

The emporer then decided to break the rules of comedy, and put a grenade into the next pie. However, a refaree appeared and removed 300 points towards his next batch of evil minions. So, the emporer tossed the pie into a nearby water barrel, which blew up. This caused all of the water to splash on the elderly woman, and . . .

she said in an odd voice "how wude." Just then everyone pounced on the woman trying to bash her skull in. They had realized that this was no woman, it was Jar Jar Binks of Star Wars Episode 1 fame in drag. And everyone hated him and bit into his leg. Meanwhile Elliot made several hundred thousand dollars on the Stock market.

(Just to get the story going again, i will reply to myself)
Elliot quickly pulled out of the market and started wondering what to do with his money. Soon he had started the largest oystery petting farm in the world.

Elliot looked in the nearest mirror to find out just what he was.. memory fading and all...

Soon a large finger appeared from behind a bush that stood behind the tub which held the water for the poodle's bath. The referee and the finger were soon involved in a heated debate over some small technicality or another, and Elliot soon learned...