h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Hellooooooo," yelled Maria.. "Can we get back to me here`?"
"Stop it, will you!" Steve, the dog, the terrier, snapped. "Did the thought ever occur to you that you are not the center of hte world?"
"No," said Maria.."Of course not!"

She continued: "I am not the center of the world, I am the center of the universe!" She kicked the terrier.

"What, not the Multi-verse?"

If looks would kill, Maria would have killed Bruce just then. However, before she had the chance to do so . . .

BAM!! A pebble struck her in the face.

"Aarrghh! That ruined my makeup!" she squealed, and ran off to fix it up.

Unfortunately she accidently mistook acid for make-up and promptly burned her eye brows off and began running all over the place shrieking and crying.

She managed to accidently trip into an open aquarium full of morray eels. After she managed to climb out, she stepped on a live wire.



(Hey, I like where this is going!)

She screamed even louder as her hair stood up on end and eventually caught fire. Finally she was able to step off the wire but her burning hair kept her in a panic state. (I am gonna let out a lot of bent up aggression on Lucy) Lucy then started running like a chicken with its head cut off which is an ironic choice of words since she then ran into a flock of frightened chickens who pecked her legs up pretty bad.

(MAYBE PEOPLE WILL START ADDING TO THE STORY AGAIN IF IT IS ON THE TOP OF THEIR HOME PAGE BECAUSE I MAKE THIS REPLY)
Lucy then tripped over her shoe, which had fallen off, face first into a raving pit bull.

(Sorry, in the last two posts I wrote lucy instead of maria)

(I was wondering about that. I was also wondering how long it would take someone else to repond to this. Guess it had already happened)

Moira managed to drag herself out, walk a few steps, but managed to walk into one of those rakes that people leave on the ground. Reeling backwords, she landed on the live wire again.

(You said Moira, from the shedunnit story, instead of maria)
Bruce started to talk to Elliot over maria's screaming: "This is fun and everything but I feel like it is getting a bit worn." Elliot continued laughing at Maria as she tripped into a conveniently placed pie. Then they both grabbed Maria and walked away from all the pointy objects on the ground.

into a barbed wire fence. They then realised that there were barbed wire fences surrounding them and closing in on them slowly, and they had to solve a riddle before they could escape. The riddle was...

There once was a man who lived in a pan,
who had a really great financial plan.
There's a point to this story, somwhere,
but you won't find it in time. What a bummer.

And so the fences got closer and closer, till finally they hit our heroes, and went right through them. They were all holograms except the one they had walked into. Some evil person was trying to stop them from ... (what were they doing?)

(To reattach Maria's head to her body. To make Maria the emperess of the universe. To solve the time warp at the froggy ball in time for the midnight kiss. I'd tell you more, but I've lost my notes)

. . . from doing all of the above. This person was incredibly evil, really. In fact, a good example of how evil this person is would be . . .

...the way he constantly fantasized about dipping puppies in liquid nitrogen. He would just sit back and even grab a pot from the kitchen and fill it up with water and dip various things into it while pretending it was puppies going into nitrogen. In fact, he was extremely evil, except of course for his very kind community service at the food pantry, but that was the exception. Anyway, while this monologue was going on our heroes had found 13 Pentium III's and exactly 35 cents. The evil man realized he had to stop letting researchers babble on about his life and get back to work.

Yes, due to researchers speaking of this characters life, he could once again be foiled. Like last time, when he was attempting to get to a story about a reincarnated king, a wizard, one of the four horsemen, and a young lady. He kept trying to do evil things there, but the monologue just kept him away.

Even as a child, he never had much time to express his evil nature, because . . .

Our heroes had just found a surgeon who reatached Maria's head, and the evil villain decided to focus on the situation at hand.

He raced towards our heroes but poorly manufactured shoes caused him to fall face forward in front of them. Luckily the mud splashed all over Maria who demanded she get cleaned up before being crowned empress which bought the villain some time. At that moment Arnold the helper monkey said something forgettable so he could enter the story again.

The phrase that was spoken by Arnold reminded our villain of his youth, and that time when he was bullied into giving up his ice cream. Our villain pondered this sad moment so long, that our heroes had found a one-hour dry cleaners on their road map.