h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Elliot followed the path up to a tree, which had a sign posted:

"Cameos are apparently crossovers"

was all it said.

(I don't remember any more. )

The group walked through the gates of the factory (?was it a factory?) and carefully side stepped the rotting corpses (they rot quickly in this world). They found 11 pentium III's scattered on the ground but at that moment a meteor struck the planet destroying all the coins. So they couldn't get 35 cents american unless they...

... mugged a little ol' lady at a bus stop somewhere.

"Oh look," said Elliot, "A bus stop just appeared from nowhere over by that tree!"

Bruce pointed. "And look," he said, "There comes a little ol' lady, right on cue."

The plan would have worked, except this little ol' lady was a black belt in Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Ninjistu, Bojitsu, and about twelve other martial arts. Minutes later, our heroes regained conciousness, only to find that . . .

...the old lady had stolen all 13 of their pentium III's, the visa card, and had even taken Elliot's boxers, but he hadn't noticed that yet. Everyone was quite pissed off about having to find all this junk again just so they could get Maria crowned Queen of the Universe. The next researcher was really pissed of because he/she/it was gonna have to move the story forward from such dull happenings.

But as the sky suddenly opened and an UFO (yeah, an old one, I know) suddenly appeared and kidnapped our heroes, the next researcher didn't really bother with moving on with the story.
Up in the UFO they met a reincarnation of Napoleon and his white horse.
"Oh no," Elliot sighed. "I hate horses!"

Bruce asked a question or two: "Why is your white horse black? Why is Napolean on a UFO? And how come the present researcher has decided to continue his tradition of making UFO's shaped like medication?"
The current researcher then said for no apparent reason that the UFO was shaped like zithromax (a very powerful anti-biotic).

Napoleon had kidnapped our heroes in the hopes that they could help him remove the Pentium III's from his 13 computers. He had 35 cents American that he could also pay them in any form of credit card they needed. Our heroes gasped at having everything fall so nicely into place for once.

Of course, Napoleon was joking. He couldn't pay them at all, and only had one computer, and it was a PDX-10. How this computer piloted a UFO was anyone's guess.

(Ha! You didn't think that I was gonna just give all of the stuff to 'em that easily, did you? Besides, they still have the two golden horses.)

(Let's just place my reply after Afgncaap5 because that way we won't have any double story line problems. So here is my post again to make it easier to reply to
Bruce asked a question or two: "Why is your white horse black? Why is Napolean on a UFO? And how come the present researcher has decided to continue his tradition of making UFO's shaped like medication?"
The current researcher then said for no apparent reason that the UFO was shaped like zithromax (a very powerful anti-biotic).

The white horse explained that he was only black when he blushed, and the two golden horses were mares and.. well.. you can figure the rest out.

Napoleon explained that he was on the vessel because he had been re-incarnated to find his waterloo on the -planet- Damogran and that he had stumbled on a place called Earh because he'd heard of some Scottish Terrier on a quest to become Damogran's Royal Guard Dog and he (Napoleon) had gotten the two Damograns confused. Now, however, he'd gotten that all sorted out and was just trying various sinister methods to upgrade to a real computer that was capable of taking a spaceship the rest of the way to whatever solar system held the planet Damogran of his search.

Since the heroic group had since lost the PIIIs they'd had in their possession, he (Napoleon) had no further use for them, so he set them free, with the added benefit that they were all protected (for the next twelve hours, anyway) from any bacterial infections they should stumble across.

The NIFO (Now Identified Flying Object) then disappeared in a puff of logic and the crew found themselves once more amid shifting grains of sand, hungry mummies, flying debris from a rapidly mending Sphynx, a weird little mage, and who knew what else...

"Gmmmmmf", one of the mummies said.
"yeah, yeah, sure.." Elliot said, while looking around.
"Gmmmmf!!!" The Mummie repeated.
"I think he's actually trying to say something..." Bruce interrupted. "What did you say?" he asked the Mummie again.

*Eliot loosened the strip of cloth that covered the mummie's mouth.*

"Gffmmmfff.", said the mummie.

"What?" said Eliot

"Ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui, ptui.", said the mummie as he spit out 13 PIII chips, "Do you have 15 cents for the pay toilet?"

Eliot pulled out 2 quarters. "This is all I have."

"No problem, here's the change."

(You aren't confusing the egyptian scene from the original story with this story, are you? Oh well . . .)

Our heroes gawked at the 35 cents they now had.

"Well, how convenient" Arnold said. However, no one understood, and all that came out was "AHHHHH-AHHH-SCREE-AH!!!"

Hmm, so they all wondered why they couldn't understand Arnold the helper monkey and the present researcher got reallly confused because the two stories he was writing in were all mixed together and the little file cabinets in his head had exploded. So he tried to be as neutral as possible until the whole thing could be sorted out. He thought about transporting the entire story back several posts to fix things but decided he was tired and couldn't even finish his next sentence. The next/present sentence was...

never to be written, because suddenly, our of nowhere, Elliot, Bruce and Arnold saw a weird group of people, among them a dinosaur and a mouse.
"Lucy, will you stop carrying that mouse around?" A guy with a wizard hat said.
Bruce looked at Elliot.
"What are they doing here ?" he whispered.

|'''' OOM!!!! (does that look like a B?) Well BOOM!!!
| '
|''''
| '
|''''

Just then the little filing cabinets inside this researcher head exploded and threw papers all over the place. The stories were combining and as the researchers mind started fizzling out, so did things in the story world. First it was just particles of dust disappearing one at a time, then dozens at a time. Eventually a strange sound was heard throughout the story world (the story2, world). Whole creatures were disappearing along with various other things. Pretty soon characters would begin disappearing but luckily the present researcher pulled the emergency brake in his head.
As the universe suddenly stopped, inertia kept our characters moving, right into a wall.

Eliot began scanning the sky. "What are you looking for?" inquired Bruce.

"I'm looking for signs of a large flying sheepdog crossed with a snake that some other storytellers mis-named a 'good luck dragon' ... "

"Oh," Bruce looked at him curiously. "Uhm... Does anyone know why that space ship dropped us hundreds if not thousands of miles from where we were?"

"I think it was a time/space thing," said the strange mouse, "I'll send you back." With a wave of a dismissive paw the group found themselves back amid bullets and bodies, but with 13 PIIIs and 35 cents. The Golden Horses jumped at the sudden appearance of their friends, but soon came over searching for apples or sugar cubes.

(Yes. )

"I'm getting kinda fed up," Elliot sighed, in a suddenly attack of depressive philosophy. "What is the point anyway? We're just getting send around the world, searching for this and searching for that. I don't care anymore!" He yelled."When am I to start my own life?"
"Never," Bruce said clearly. "You a character in a story.. what do you expect?"
He pulled his friend with him, and a happy Arnold came running after them.

They hadn't gone far when they heard a shrill whistle behind them which froze them in their tracks. "Oh my!" gasped Eliot. "We forgot the princess!"

Bruce glanced back over his shoulder, then turned to nod at Eliot. "Yep. It appears we did. Uhm.. Who else was with us that doesn't seem to be here now? I mean... besides the rock, of course, who went rolling on its way or something."

They looked around and realized that, while Arnold was following them, this Arnold was a dinosaur.

"Okay, wrong Arnold." Elliot said. "Let's take it back."

So, the heroes from the first story had yet another cameo in this one, including Arnold's new camo vest (CAMO CAMEO #3).