h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Clings to Red Dog with his legs, while locking an arm around Lil's other elbow. The cleaning bot pulls on his other arm which is now frozen for 5 minutes due to someone's errant snowzar shot. GL decides to take a risk and lets go of Lil. This frees that arm and pivots him towards the cleaning bot. Still holding on to Red Dog with his legs, GL reaches out his free, unfrozen hand and manages to pop open the cleaning bot's access panel, revealing dozens of buttons.*


Okay, was it puce, then lavender, then cyan? Or was it, scarlet, then light purple, then aqua. Or wait, didn't we decide to make it something easy to remember, like light grey, medium grey, dark grey. Or was it light white, medium white, dark white? No, no, none of those sound familiar...I know, I'll just push random pretty ones - that sounds like a code we might use.


*Pushes the apple red, banana yellow and plum buttons. Suddenly feels a bit hungry.*

*Decides that deperate measures may become necessary. Loads his crossbow, keeps it aimed at the ceiling.*

*slams the access panel shut, narrowly avoiding slamming it shut on GL's fingers*

Kindly place your orders audially rather than mechanically - Sir!

*the voice comes as a surprise to everyone, rather like the first time anyone heard the IIEM speak*

*the voice holds an oddly frosty tone, something that you would not expect to hear from a soulless machine*

*slams the garbage bin lid shut again*



vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrommmmmmmmm

*rolls over to an intercom on the wall next to the counter dragging RedDog, GL, Lil and table across the floor*

*presses a button*

*speaks yet again, this time in a rather metallic and precise voice*

One apple pie, one banana pie, one plum pie for immediate delivery to the Aroma Café if you please!

*returns to trying to untangle researchers from table*

Did you hear that, Witty? The Cleaning bot ordered food! We could never order food in the old days.

And it spoke! Whatever next? Actually, I'm not sure I want to know

*Stares open-mouthed at the cleaning bot. Comes to his senses.*

Okay, er, oral requests. Uh, let's see. Um, I would like to request that...

YOU LOOK OVER THERE!!!!

*GL points and when the bot turns it's sensors where he is pointing, he quickly opens the bot's access panel and pushes 3 buttons at random, flips a random switch and then closes the panel. He then assumes an innocent look, not quite successfully.*

*grunts due to being stretched between Lil, Garius and the Bot*

Garius I'm just going out on a limb here but you have no idea what you're doing do you ?

That intercom wasn't here back in our day. I wonder where the pies are being ordered from. That is really odd.

*Affy wonders how the auditory orders are to be directed to a cleaning bot that's apparently incapable of hearing things....decides that he must have misunderstood something earlier and forgets it*

Sorry 'bout that shot, GL! Good thing I didn't give into the temptation to set it to Permafrost!

Would my cape work as a towel? There's little danger of being pounced on by Nabiz when I'm not in Zork, after all.

*Turns to Red Dog*

Of course I know what I'm doing! This is how we always solve problems!

*waits to see what effect his button pushing and switch flipping has. Tightens his grip on Red Dog. Idly wonders whether the cleaning bot has developed any ticklish spots. Tries tickling under the arm holding Lil.*

*While hanging suspended between the cleaning bot and his two anchors, GL notices a small label on the underside of the table Lil is clinging to. It reads: Sales of Tactical Underwater Munitions and Practical Explosive Devices. GL whiles away the time wondering which category the table falls into.*

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So, although the bot might *think* it can still pick up audial commands, it can't, really

Did you notice how it never registered anyone confirming the order on the intercom? I'm not saying anyone actually did, but this bot will never know

*Keeps a bead on the bot*

*the CLI bots infiltrate the cafe until they are surrounding the cleaning bot, but they are standing well back*

*watching the bots from the rafters*

What is going on? Why don't those other bots do something, surely they can see the cleaning bot is a chip short of a functioning bot?

*hand starts to slip down Lil's leg due to decreased friction from excessive fondue and dairy products*

Oh Oh !

Maybe the security bots are waiting for the cleaning bot to clear up the mess before they act? I mean - someone has to, right?

*hand finally slips*

Wooooooooahh!

*dangling in an ungainly fashion in mid-air suspended from one of the Bot's arms*

What happens now

*Feels certain that his button pushing and switch flipping must have had an effect.

Watches in fascination as the cleaning bot uses Red Dog to mop up some of the mess on the floor. It's surprisingly effective.*

*LOL*

*the sudden loss of counter-force causes Lil to skid slightly in the other direction, toward Garius*

*She finds herself wedged up against the glass-fronted counter, still clinging to the table*

*glancing up, she sees a skull grinning back at her from the other side of the glass, propped on the bottom counter like a tray of muffins*

EEEEEEEEE!