*The door to the men's room is thrown open so hard it bangs against the wall, vibrating the pipe and dumping Peregrin back into the molasses*

*The cleaning bot stands at the entrance looking in at the mess*

*there is a growling noise from deep within its thorax and the CLI logo on its chest begins to glow*

*abruptly its legs lengthen to stilts and it strides over the mess to the stalls, where it yanks Pierce off his stilts and drops him on top of Peregrin*

WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*As hose attachment extrudes, the cleaning bot wields a pair of large rotary brushes with built in soap dispensers and begins to work around the middle of the room in a diminshing spiral, alternately spraying hot water and scrubbing, and screeching like a dentist drill*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Peregrin: AAAAARGH!!! I'm being cleaned! I won't stand for this.

*Peregrin gets sucked up into the cleaning bot's workings with its hoover attachment. Vague groans are heard from within*

*cleaning bot pins remaining human with brush attachment whilst stopping to consider contents of ballast container*

WHNNNNNNNNNNNNN - KACHING

*Metal flaps open outward on back of bot and small gloved hand on wooden extender pushes Peregrin out*

WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*Peregrin's neatly washed, dried and folded clothing is placed on the floor next to Peregrin*

Peregrin: NOOOOOO!!! My dressing gown! It can't be CLEAN!!!

Oh - I didn't realise it was blue.

*the cleaning bot can get no response from the other entity, which is evidently playing dead*

*As there is no more muck on the floor, the bot retracts cleaning gear with a quiet whrrrrrr of satisfaction and leaves*

*Lil flicks off switch on IIEM then heads rapidly for back porch as the cleaning bot emerges from the broom closet*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG.

NNNNNN NNNNNNNNNN.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGG.

ZZT.

*the bot rapidly mops up the spill, sucking up excess liquid, then abruptly reaches out with overhead retractable tongs, picks up Valis and drops him through opening in top of bot*

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*the bot appears to meditate for a moment, then comes back to life*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
SPANG.

*A side door opens allowing Valis to tumble out the side*

NNNNNNNNG. NNNNNNNNNG.

*a smaller side door opens and deposits Valis's clothes next to him, neatly cleaned, pressed and folded* *the bot then closes doors, retracts appurtenances, returns to broom closet and slams door*

Valis: My clothes! *looks down* My unclothed body! *grabs attire and jets, displaying much embarassment*

Abi: *from inside the bot*

What do you have to do to get this thread on the front page!!!!

Asteroid Lil: Down, bot! You have to tell it exactly what to do or it uses its discretion. Bot, do flat surfaces and report back to me.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Abi: *from inside the bot*

help!

Asteriod Lil: Oh blast, it's eaten a customer again. Last time it sucked Peregrin up when he was covered in molasses down in the Ladies room, but that's a whole nother story.....

Give it a minute, it always releases heavy objects.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEnnng.
NNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWA

*side door opens on bot's torso, close to the floor, and Abi is deposited on floor*

*smaller door opens above large door and Abi's outer clothing is deposited next to Abi, neatly washed, pressed and folded*

Isn't that clever? That's the Crater Labs touch.

Odradek:*storms into the Cafe with mayhem on her mind...*

*ja king jingle*

Right. Where's that bot got to?

*strides out looking stern* Bot? We have a score to settle. Front and center, now!

*the bot does not respond*

Oho. ls that the game you're playing, boyo? Fine then. llEM? Three latte cups full of nothing but honey, please...*

*grins impishly and dumps the honey all over the counter area and floor. Proceeds to dance a jig in the sticky puddle*

Bot! Meet your match.

Me: *closet door opens and the bot rolls out with an ominous low hum*

*sensors sweep the room as if in disbelief and settle in the direction of Odra*

*bot rolls forward to within range of honey on floor*

*a long squeegee mop suddenly shoot out parallel to the floor and sweeps Odra at ankle level, knocking her feet out from under her*

*bot then begins to mop up honey*

Odradek: *collapses heavily as bot knocks her to ground. Springs up again, coated in honey. Finds the sticky substance gives her excellent, gecko-like traction. Laughs maniacally, seizes the tea tray, and stacks it with crockery, and begins to climb the wall. Leaps from thence into the rafters, just above bot. Begins shelling it, the floor, and everything else with cups and saucers*

Me: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

*bot retracts squeegee mop, backs up two feet, then suddenly extends fanblade duster attachment, neatly snagging one of the belt loops on Odra's jeans*

*moves backward briskly another 3 feet, pulling Odra off rafter and leaving her dangling 8 feet high*

ZZZZZZZT. ZZZZZZZZZZT.

Extends shop vacuum attachment and begins attending to broken crockery*

Odradek: *dangles for a moment, kicking futilely. Hangs limp for a moment, seemingly defeated...and then kicks out sharply with both feet. Manages to catch the rafter with her hobnailed boot, and pulls herself back over to the rafter.

The sudden movement jars the extended attachment, pulling it free. Odra now jousts with the 'bot from her high perch, jabbing at it with her lance.

The bot toys with her a few moments, then snatches back the attachment. Retracts the duster huffily. While it is distracted so doing, Odra takes careful aim with a latte mug, and fires it squarely at the Dread Orange Button*

Me: *sensors spot bogey at one o'clock and the bot extrudes a curious white puffy thing which suddenly unfurls into a french polishing buffer nearly 3 feet in diameter*

*the cup bounces harmlessly in the fluff and drops toward the floor, but is neatly intercepted by a dustpan and set down softly*

*the bot then jams the french polisher upward, intending to push Odra off the rafter*

*Odra is, however, covered with honey and sticks to the polisher*

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP

*the bot tries futilely to shake Odra loose then cants the attachment at a 90 degree angle and heads for the nearest wall at about 12 miles per hour*