From our own correspondent...


Archduke Leopold the Terrible (III) is discovering how difficult life can be as an aristocrat-turned-taxi-driver.



Check out his home page to see if you could handle it.

1 July 1999 :

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Infra-red hot stuff


Statistics show that as you read this, 400 pairs of remote controls are reproducing all over the world. Further studies have shown that by the year 2013 the number of remote controls will outnumber appliances by a factor of four, and if something isn't done about this there will soon be a global shortage of AA batteries.



There are two things you can do. The first is to give up remote controls and learn to pull yourself off your velcro sofa and change the channels manually; the second is to do a bit of procreating yourself and train your offspring to change channels for you. The latter has proved to be the most popular solution.

2 July 1999 :

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Scrambled eggs: the jury's verdict


Following Douglas's plea on The Big Breakfast this morning for more information on scrambled eggs, we've been swamped with recipes, recommended eating establishments and cooking tips for this culinary delight (not to mention some scintillating scrambled egg trivia). Thanks: as always, we love you.



The best bits have been collated into a brand new guide entry, but that's not the end of the story. If you know something amazing about scrambled eggs that's not mentioned, why not join the forums and share your information with the rest of the world? That's what h2g2 is all about. The best bits will end up in the guide, so from now on there will be forever be a definitive answer to the question: "Scrambled eggs... how, why and, more importantly, where?"

Breakfast, the most important meal of the day


Picture the ideal morning. The daily paper has just dropped through the letterbox, there's the smell of a Great British Breakfast wafting up from the kitchen, and you're sipping a nice, hot cup of tea in front of the telly. It almost makes getting up worth the effort.



So why is it that most people's mornings start with infuriatingly happy morning DJs and a gasping need for coffee? Perhaps it has something to do with hangovers...



However you start your morning, we've got it covered.

5 July 1999 :

6 July 1999 :
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Who wants to live forever?

Immortality, like fame, is one of those things you only want when you don't have it. Male immortals tend to spend most of their time moping around in bars, complaining that life in the Good Old Days was much better because you didn't need to bother with nightclubs and dating agencies to catch a good woman, you just needed to wander around outside with a big club.



Female immortals, on the other hand, are rarely seen moping round in dingy bars because they are too busy having a good time. The popularity of the "toy boy" is cited as proof of this, mainly by jealous male immortals tucking into their sixth double Jack Daniels of the day.

7 July 1999 :

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A call to our researchers...

We've been looking through the list of alcohol-related postings, and it's obviously time we compiled the guide entry to end all guide entries. We want your cocktail recipes!



If you've got a particular favourite, go along to the Universal Alcoholic Table and post your recipe to the forum. At the end of the week we'll take all the best (and even some of the worst) concoctions and put them into one dangerously experimental guide entry. Then we can all have endless fun at the weekend trying them all...



In which case you might want to bookmark the hangover entry right now.

From our own correspondents...


Our team of field researchers has been having a very interesting time discovering exactly what life on Earth is all about.



Why not pop along to their home page to see if you can help them make sense of it all?



That's assuming you can make sense of life on Earth...

9 July 1999 :

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The party list to end all party lists


The response to our call for aloholic concoctions has been so large we've given up on our rigorous testing programme. We started pretty well at the beginning of the week, mixing up the drinks you'd submitted and feeding them to the staff; but after a couple of days of walking into walls and dissolving into fits of laughter, we've realised that the only sensible thing to do is to let you in on the secret.



So if you're planning a party this weekend, pop along to the Universal Alcoholic Table and try some of the recipes your fellow researchers have sent in; we'd love to hear the results.



And if you're staying home alone, test them anyway. It'll make weekend TV come alive, if nothing else.



(Note to researchers who are continuing to search for alcoholic heaven: please don't stop! If you have a fantastic drink that isn't mentioned in our table, feel free to start a conversation off this page... we're still listening!)

12 July 1999 :
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Start your week the h2g2 way, with our Monday collection of new guide
entries:

• Discover the politics behind an innocent bowl of cereal.
• Marvel at the strange goings on inside your high street strip club.
• Destroy the myths surrounding diabetes by
  reading a personal account.
• Wonder at the mind-bending cunning behind the design of the roundabout.
• Settle down to an afternoon in front of the cricket, if you can handle the excitement.

You know it makes sense.

13 July 1999 :

14 July 1999 :
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Ah, Wednesday, the day that's not quite Thursday but still manages to
make Tuesday look like yesterday's news. Tickle your mid-week fantasies with this scintillating selection of new entries:

• Feeling down? Don't: all your worries will become your friends if you're on Prozac.
• If you're not sleeping right, it might be your choice of sleepwear. Or it might be the ten cups of coffee per day...
• Feeling cut off? Need to give your public image a boost? Hey, you need a mobile phone!
• When is a cartoon more than just words and pictures? When it's the
  mighty Dilbert, of course.
• Forget all that stuff about oranges, bowling balls and long bits of
  string, get into the real thing: the Solar
  System.

15 July 1999 :

16 July 1999 :
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The last day of the woking week should be spent surfing the net, making endless cups of coffee and talking about the weather forecast for the weekend. Oh, and reading our five newest guide entries:

• Clowns can do it, street entertainers can do it and now so can you:
  here's the inside info on how to juggle.
• Get funky at the weekend with our low-down on night clubs.
• You know you're going to have one. You can't resist. Give in to the dark side and have a kebab.
• If you fancy a nice quiet evening in, why not fish out the old chess set and have a game? It's not as boring as you might think... or so we've heard.
• Next time you're searching for that elusive word to describe just the way you feel, try the Aussie word "Mate". It's all you need to know.

19 July 1999 :
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From our own correspondents...


Amelia B has been exploring the sensual side of chocolate, and has sent us a report on the subject. Be warned: her discoveries might change your view of chocolate for ever...



If you'd like to find out what the other field researchers have been up to, who not pop along to their home page to help them make sense of life on planet Earth?



That's assuming you can make sense of life on Earth...

20 July 1999 :

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The best beaches in the world


After the success of our pleas for information on alcoholic drinks and scrambled
egg, we've realised that the only way we're going to compile our
dream list of the world's best beaches is to ask you, the people who
know.


So, if you have a favourite beach, please come and tell us, and we'll compile the best suggestions into an official
guide entry.


Just don't forget your towel.

We'll be publishing the results of our quest for the world's finest beaches on Tuesday. Be sure to come back and find out the best place to visit for your holiday...

23 July 1999 :

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Old wives' tales: the results


It has been said by minds greater than ours that the world has gone mad. It has also been said that this is a 20th century problem, but then again someone once told us that green M&Ms are aphrodisiacs, so who are we to talk?


But what is surprising is the amount of utter madness that has been lurking around for centuries under the guise of 'acquired wisdom'. If you don't believe us, go and check out the results of our plea for old wives' tales and then try telling us that the world is sane.


We're off for a quiet lie down now. The shoulder-lurking salt devils can't get us there...

From our own correspondent...


Fizz has been exploring the African jungle, though for some reason her report consists of lots of running away from ferocious animals... something she clearly wasn't expecting.



If you'd like to find out what the other field researchers have been up to, who not pop along to their home page to help them make sense of life on planet Earth?



That's assuming you can make sense of life on Earth...

26 July 1999 :
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Doomsday predictions


Well, we don't know about you, but we thoroughly enjoyed the end of the world on July 4. It gave us all a good excuse to start moaning about Nostradamus and whether he was right or not... and apparently he wasn't talking about the end of the world, but a small event in local politics in southern Italy. A bloke in the pub told us, so it must be true.



But we at h2g2 salute Nostradamus and his doomsday predictions, and we'd like to say that we can't wait for the next UFO to come and take us away from all this insanity. Again...

27 July 1999 :
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Caution in Cornwall


If you're heading off to the eclipse in Cornwall, then beware. Extensive research has shown that there's a dangerous predator lurking in the south-west tip of the UK, one that makes the unscrupulous hotel manager look positively benign as he charges you hundreds of pounds for a bed in August.


It's none other than the dreaded weaver fish, the scourge of the seaside and the critter responsible for the buckets of hot water dotted along the Cornish coast. Don't be a victim as you're wandering along the beach, neck straining to see the moon cross the sun: h2g2's advice is "don't forget to look down when the eclipse happens".


Hmmm. Maybe that's not quite what we meant...

28 July 1999 :

From our own correspondent...


Roaring across the open plains on his Harley Davidson, Leopold has fallen in love with the life of a biker. We're not too sure if it's an accurate portrayal, but it's certainly an interesting report.


If you'd like to find out what the other field researchers have been up to, who not pop along to their home page to help them make sense of life on planet Earth?


That's assuming you can make sense of life on Earth...

29 July 1999 :
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Cockney rhyming slang: the results


We thought we knew all about Cockney rhyming slang, having studied old Mike Reid videos, Mary Poppins and the future careers of Grange Hill stars, but once again the h2g2 community has proved that nothing beats shared knowledge.


The result is a collection of slang that even the hardiest afficianado of Bow Bells will find enlightening. Now hopefully we'll see more mainstream acceptance of cheeky chappies, barrow boys and urchins... if that sort of stereotype still exists in the streets of London Town.

Results of the world's greatest curry houses


They're in: the results of our plea for the world's best curry houses. Thanks to everyone who suggested their favourite Indian restaurant, especially those brave souls who managed to wade through the sea of UK recommendations to come up with restaurants in Australia, Canada and Germany. Hats off to you!


It's patently obvious, though, that our shortlist of eye-watering holes is far from complete, so if you've got a favourite curry house, do visit our list and start a conversation about your local choice. That's what it's all about at h2g2 - share and enjoy!

30 July 1999 :

English vs American vs Australian slang

After our call for Cockney rhyming slang we've realised that it's not just London that has language problems, it's the whole English-speaking world. In an attempt to prevent any major-scale wars breaking out over the meaning of the word "fag", we've decided to compile our own guides to the various dialects of English on the planet.



As a starter, here's a fairly complete list of Australian slang. However we're seriously lacking in entries for our pages on American slang and English slang, so if you know any particularly interesting local variations on the language of Shakespeare, do let us know by starting a conversation. We'll compile the results next week.