h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

erm,im not rafting a user guide or a help text,im writing an article on yoome 2...and its staying in plain text because it looks better that way....

And the headers are fine they are in capital letters and are easy to see....

take into consideration i do realise you want me to make it into guideml.....but i dont want to because it wont look as good....it looks a bit dull....

What i have done is typed what needed to be typed and im asking for help to make it more appealing IN THE FORMAT IT IS IN

If it goes into the edited guide, it will have to be in approved GuideML. You can do it or the sub can do it, and as a sub I would prefer that you do it

but as the author i prefer that you do it......deadlock!LOL!


i didnt know u were a sub!

I auditioned to b a sub editor.....i didnt get a reply...

To be a sub editor, you will have to be excellent at GuideML and grammar, and have a good spellchecker you can run entries through. You might like to prove it in your entries.

I agree that this entry could do with being put through a spell checker.

It might help to have fuller paragraphs, as at the moment, it appears to be a bit disjointed, with so many paragraphs being one or two liners.

As previous reviewers have said, it would be helpful to have a structure with headers, which will be helpful to readers. I don't think it's ready to be recommended just yet.

only one person has reccomended that and it was your buddy!

Anyway ok well ill do that hold on...
A2059436

The spellings are fine,i have checked all the spellings and they are fine,it has been made a bit longer and is now more bunched together so it looks fine.

Just because i applied before i read what the sub eds do doesnt mean that i wante to be one,i just wanted to be nice and volunteer and if picked would try!

But i do want to be a scout.

what do you think now?

im wondering what gnomon would say

OK, brace yourself, I'm going to go through this entry with a fine tooth-comb. I think your entry on DXBall is a lot stronger than this one, by the way, but as I'm here I'll go through this.

I think there's the makings of a good entry here, but a few things will need some more explanation. And the main thing is to group things into paragraphs and points so it's easier to read and we can tell exactly where we are

What I'm going to do is paste your entry in here and mark my comments with the symbol. Also, I think certain things will be better done as footnotes - I'll put a symbol where the footnote will need to be put in at a later date.

"Yoome 2 is a service exclusively for subscribers of Eurobell or Telewest* that use the Interactive services."

Well, it's a good start - the section that comes next will, I think, be best done as a footnote so that those who don't understand what Telewest Broadband is can refer to it and those that already know can just carry on.

So this bit will be the footnote (lose the EUROBELL heading)
This is a digital tv service, like Sky television except this service aims to cut out tv channels and have less channels than sky to get a lower price. Eurobell is also known as Telewest Broadband.

Perhaps worth mentioning two things here - firstly that Telewest's a cable service whereas Sky is via satellite. Secondly, and I could be wrong here, it's probably best to refer to it as Telewest first and Eurobell second - the reason for this being that I think Telewest is the name used throughout the UK. I have a feeling that Telewest bought out several cable companies, Eurobell being one of them. In London they used to be called Cable London.

Right, to carry on - I'd add this straight on the back of your opening sentence, it's a good definition and should be part of your opening paragraph:
Yoome 2 provides games, mobile phone ringones, and a chat service.

Also delete the hard return between this and the next line, as I think this should also be part of the first paragraph.
The company (Yoomedia) Launched in early February 2003, and has been on ever since,but not without problems.

I'd keep this next hard return, as it seems you're now moving on to provide a more exact definition
Yoome 2 chat has chat rooms to suit alot of people, ranging from teenagers, parents in need of chatting to other parents or just the plain old gossipers.

Yoome 2 has forums that also suit all needs, the forums work in the same way as the guide system on here, they wont always accept your messages, and it will take 12 hours for your message (if accepted) to be posted on Yoome 2 forums.

Forums are another name for pinboards

The forums dont go into many groups, as there are alot of main groups, then sub-groups.
A bit like the chat rooms.
I'd take out all the hard returns between those sentences, I think they'd be best grouped together as part of the same paragraph.

Right, I think this is the start of the third paragraph.
Yoome 2 also provides a great private chat room creator.
Here subscribers either have cyber or (very rarely) chat about something else.
The chat room creator is for private chat and you need maxchat to access it.
You must have all the people you want to invite already on your friends list.
Again, I'd take out all the hard returns between those sentences as they'd be best grouped together as part of the same paragraph.

and now we're on to the next section...
SUBSCRIBING

When you take out a subscription to Yoome 2, you will have to choose what plan you want, and then you enter your details and you are registered.
You must remember though that you will always need your pin number** at hand whenever you try and register or log in.
Yoome 2 has two different plans (subscriptions), they are as follows;
Again, group all of that together as one paragraph.
Maxchat £4.99
This will grant you
.Access to all chat rooms
.Access to all forums
.Access to private chat
.Access to private messaging

This is the main plan (subscription), it is aimed at over 18's but you can set it for any age if you feel the need to.

Chatlite £2.99
This will grant you access to
Under 18 chat rooms (such as teen rooms,no swearing allowed)

It will grant you

.Private messaging
.Under 18 forums
.under 18 rooms

I like the way you've laid that out - if you were using GuideML it'd be a list of bullet points, and it's a decent stab at representing what it'd be like in GuideML

The Chat packages (plans) are pay monthly but due to old payment plans Yoomedia shut down then restarted but still have not solved their problems,so you could pay once a year or once a month,it is all up in the air at the moment.
(All the under 18 things mean that you cannot access chat rooms for adults only, or chat rooms where swearing is allowed)
Again, group all that together as one paragraph, and you could probably afford to lose the brackets there.

I'd put a heading here, something like OTHER SERVICES
The games section of Yoome 2 involves games such as Barred, Find Freddie and Chess.
Most of them are pay for as long as you play, but there are one or two that are free.
The Mobile Pad isnt very good for ringtones as it only has a section of ringtones that the crew of Yoome 2 like.
Again, take out all the returns. Now, you're moving on to another section now, so perhaps another heading, something like OVERVIEW?

Yoome 2 overall is very slow and rarely works, it is rumoured to be closing down to make way for a new chat service after Leisure District went bankrupt in february 2003.
Leisure District has been sorely missed by users of Yoome 2 and Eurobell subscribers who havent even went on Yoome 2.
Leisure District did provide more things, including
That lot above would be good as one paragraph, so take out all the hard returns again and finish it with a colon to move on to this list:
cyber pets
greetings cards
chat
free games
forums
joke forums
poetry forums
and competitions.

Maybe put a dot before each point there, like you did above?
But the main difference between Yoome 2 and Leisure District users is,you could message anybody even if they werent on your friends list in Leisure District,where as on Yoome 2,you have to search for your friends,send them an invite,wait for them to accept,and only then can you send them a message.
As Cyzaki said, you'll need a space before each of those commas, like this.
Take out this hard return, the next sentence belongs with the one above.
This has therefore put alot of users off of Yoome 2.
Take out this hard return, the next sentence belongs with the ones above.

Leisure District was all free, which is why it went bankrupt in early 2003.
Again, take out this hard return, the next sentence belongs with the ones above.
Yoome 2 is still on Eurobell and has recently returned to Plymouth and other parts of the country after closing due to problems with payment.As i mentioned under the packages.
Take out this hard return, the next sentence belongs with the one above.
Yoomedia looks to be staying on Telewest and Eurobell for longer than after christmas.
As Edited Guide entries aren't updated that easily, its probably best to say 'for the foreseeable future'
Eurbell still havent found a replacement for yoomedia,and although users were hoping for it to be the return of Leisure District,unfortunately it will not be.
A typo there: Eurbell > Eurobell

I hope that helps - once you've done all that, it should help the entry look a lot better and we can begin to look at the subject matter.

Cheers,
Number Six

a bit long,ill write that down and do it tommorrow and then ill let you know when its done.

Well done, Number Six - it must have taken you ages to go through the entry in that detail!

Up to do you, now Dozdim! Let us know when you've made changes to the entry.

sorry just using this to get to the next page because the links wont work

about to start,will let you know when done...
A2059436

ok that should be done,i hope it is because after all that,it wouldnt submit so i had to go and come back.

ok it is now updated and i have added the footnote and restored the original footnotes....wondering what happened to them.

its been updated,so what do you guys think?

Hi Dozdim,

wow - you've done your home work well!
I only had time for a quick scim over it.
I have to do some real work for a few hours (I took some time off this aft. and now I have to pay for it).
More later
Awu

A big improvement. Well done Dodzim! May still be a couple of typos to sort. Don't have time to look over it now, but will do later.

cheers,just been hunting for mp3s all day so thats why i havent been on......do you know how hard it is to find feeling it and me afgainst the music?!?!?!?!?

Its terrible!

Well got em and am now grooving!WOOWOWOOWOWOWO!

Yeah well i dont think there are mistakes...

cheers,just been hunting for mp3s all day so thats why i havent been on......do you know how hard it is to find feeling it and me afgainst the music?!?!?!?!?

Its terrible!

Well got em and am now grooving!WOOWOWOOWOWOWO!

Yeah well i dont think there are mistakes...i reckon this reply will be hidden