h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, shut UP!


[Link] So ... we move in closely ... and ...

[The sub is caught in a tractor beam]

[Link] ... it looks like we're going in anyway.

[George] I suggest we plan for attack and deffence as soon as the sub in inside.

[Link] Yep. [draws sword]

(george conjours up a magic shield to protect them from laser blasts)

[Saria] So, this is it.

[Link] Here's where we find out why Kramer's putting up anti-magic fields.

[Rodrigo] Kramer's putting up anti-magic fields?

[Link] Yeah. Sorry, didn't you know?

[Rodrigo] Er ... no. Is that why we're fighting him, then?

[Saria] Yeah. And it looks like this is the final battle.

*Affy heads home, just so he can bookmark this forum. He whistles, knowing exactly what will happen to the monstrosity in the Jewel Case*

[George] My sixth sence is telling me that something ominous is within a Jewel Case. How curious. Look! The hatch is opening!

[Four droids enter. Link slices one of them in half, Rodrigo fries another, Saria uses Hyper Thunder on a third, and George has to deal with the last one.]

(George throws an enormous horseshoe-shaped electro-magnet at the droid and it shorts out)

[Link] Okay, so let's go!

[They jump out, whatever weapons they have armed and ready. Several other droids are alerted and head towards our heroes. The same music as when Saria was running through Kramer's previous base begins]

[George] We must find out where that music is coming from. SHIELDS UP!!!

It's just background music to make the audience tense, d***it!


[Saria] This way! [starts running down a corridor]

[Link] No, wait -- !

[Blaster shots are heard, then a massive blast of energy]

[Link] Never mind. [follows her]

[George] (battle cry) AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! YOU CAN'T TAKE OUT REFERENCE BOOKS!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

(follows others down coridor)

[Rodrigo] [who follows George] What??

It's his battlecry. Almost as good as "YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS!"

As the corridor narrows, our heroes run in single file, until reaching a door that opens into a large lecture hall with big windows looking into the water.

[Kramer] Well, so you've mad it. Say hello to Professor Droidberg! Ta-ta!

[Kramer exits through a side door. A large droid approaches that looks designed to kill except that it is wearing a T-shirt that has a on it and the words, "Have a nice day!"]

[Droidberg] GREETINGS,-FLESH-BEINGS. I-AM-PROFESSOR-DROIDBERG. I-AM-GOING-TO-BLAST-YOU-TO-BITS.

[Link] Now, this will take a bit. Use electric spells, he's machinery.

(George throws more giant electromagnets at Prof Droidberg)

[Droidberg] OUCHIES. THAT-WASN'T-NICE. TAKE-THAT!

[Droidberg blasts them with "Hyper Thunder" which can be simulated with technology by using a laser cannon, an energy spreader, two personal force fields with the emitters in contact with each other, and about 500 volts. Link retaliates with a light arrow]

[George] I have a few spare force shields! (Throws some stale Italian breadsticks at Droidberg {I mean some really stale breadsticks. Ooh, bad breadstick} and rumages in bag)