h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I had eat that grease and name each KFC product that bit of grease was from.

London! Pah, I built the Statue of LIberty and the Empire State Building.... from one days grease from one store

*note to self - learn to speak english properly *

Well, I built Rome in a day, entirely out of grease!

I had to make sure every road lead to Rome! (AND write the song to that 'We do Ron, Ron')

Pah.

I was the lyric writer for The Cheeky Girls.

Have you heard the 'We do Ron, Ron!' song?!

I was responsible for getting Steps together...

I AM Lisa from Steps.

Pfft! I'm someone from Bucks Fizz!

Thats nothing, I am everyone who ever got nil points at Eurovision, so technically my name should be Olaf

Researcher PSG

I had to convince the judges every year that Israel is in Europe...

I have to convince BBc officials that the contest is worth the license payers money. Every day. err no, I mean every minute. And they don't like it, they keep hitting me with lead pipes.

And I have to keep Terry Wogan doing the contest

Hmmpf!

Your job is the best bit about it.

I'm given 3 1/2 minutes to teach each years presenters english, and am forced to kiss Cheryl Baker and the guy from brothehood of man if I fail. The three of us have an active relationship you know!

I presented it last year... and I write all of the poems

I had to pretend I liked the poems, and force other people to pretend they like them!

Pah! A mere trifle.

I made an anthology of the poems from EVERY year of the contest, had the outer layer of my skin taken off for the shiny finish on the cover of the books and had to go around Swindon and sell 10,000 copies!

Only Swindon?

My english teaching manual was written on my own skin and bound with thread woven from my eyelashes and I had to sell 30,000 copies in stornaway

I had to memorise every song from every contest, and play it to a deaf audience on a eukele with my teeth, while they pelted me with dead dogs and bricks with nails in them. My internal organs were then removed, filled with gunpowder and lit for the crowds amusement.

I had to memorise and play every song on a eukalale with out my face, hands or feet...

While getting pelted with dead cows and house with Keith Chegwin and mr. blobby...

My outside organs were attached to fireworks and set fire to for the Queen's amusement...

Pfft!

I had to use my eyebrows as a eukalale, and played them with a poisonous snake...

I had cow, duck, horse and dog entrails thrown at me whilst doing this, as well as Chevvy Chase...

My limbs were attatched to NASA space shuttles for Prince Charle's amusement..