h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok

The object of this game is based on the Monty Python sketch "When I were a lad"


So if I said

When I were a lad I had to sweep the streets

the next person would say

you were lucky

when I were a lad I had to sweep the streets with a broom with no head.

The idea is to outdo the previous posters in poverty


So here goes


When I were a lad we had to work don t' pit for 12 hours a day

Well I had to work for 14 hours a day, without even the likes of a candle.

Ye posh git

I had to work for 16 hours a day without a candle or a budgie

I had to work away to feed my poor ailing mother, without so much as a canary to help.

I had to feed my poor ailing mother and my crippled father, without so much as a blue tit to help or eat

My poor little sister was blind and lame, and I had to carry her when I went to work with so much as a stick to help, not even a twiglet.

You were lucky!

I had to carry my blind lame mother father brother sister and goldfish up hill (there and back!) everyday to work, the shops and the park... with six bags of shopping!

That's nothing, I had to carry my sister, the coal, a poor rescued hedgehog and a pit pony complete with cart.

Pah!

We couldn't afford a pit pony - we used a handy elephant!

I hadn't a pit pony or an elephant; the pony belonged to another miner and I was made to carry it for no extra wage, not even a bag of oats or a parsnip.

At least you knew somebody... I lived alone (with my deaf dumb blind family) and none of us knew sign language - never spoke a word to a soul.

pah you were obviously posh

I had to live alone with my dead relatives without airfreshener and no-one knew the ouija board

You had a house??? Some people, they don't know they're born...

wasn't this in Harry Enfield as well

I had no more than two sheets of cardboard and a plastic bag to shelter me from the winter chill, and that had to be shared between me, my sister, mother and the pony.

Aye, but thats some shelter - I lived in the middle of a monsoon drenched field and only had my body to shelter my pneumonic family...

You had it made,i had to sit under six foot of sewage,day and night with a blind deaf and dumb boy(and somebody had pinched his pin ball machine),with just the company of a dead ptarmigon.

six foot? that's nothing, I had a twenty foot breathing tube up through the guano that me and my family took turns to use - being the healthy one I could only breathe for 3 hrs a day.

breathing tube, what luxury

I had to tunnel through 60 foot of manure to cach a breath befre letting it all fall back in again to go back to my hole in the sh*te

You could afford a tube?...luxury! i had to eat my way through 16 foot of guano take a quick breath then go back down and cook a meal for 47 people,full silver service.

silver service? food? we had to eat the guano with our bare hands! And I had to feed my handless sister...