h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think most of this place could do with a good spring clean. Hang on, I'll turn the main lights on and we'll see just how bad it is.

**CLICK**

OoooooooooooooHhhhhhhh

**CLICK**

Looks nice like this I reckon

You know, we have a nighthoover for a reason. I guess you still know how to handle it? I'll pop over to the doneria while you get started.

*switches on.*

Just so you can see what you are doing.

Drat, foiled again!

I WAS intending to sneak off under cover of dim halflight and leave the decor to your good self
Anyway, Nighthoover pre-dated me too. I'm afraid I never met the entity

Dr. Ant is still about these parts......you think we could con her into tidying up?

Time for , me thinks. And I guess we should just give it a good wash. Now, where is that hose?

** Hands Bel the Hose **

Here you are Only problem is, there appears to be something stuck down the end. Would you mind looking to see what it is, while I move over here......to do some cleaning...........by the tap

Searches for stick to poke in hose. Turns to Air: water on, please.

*stands behind the wall, in safety*

Well it's little wonder the place falls to disrepair if you are going to stand there for 4 days with a stick poked up the hosepipe Bel!!

Anyway.......the tap broke off in my hand

What we need is a plumber (God knows I could eat some plums at the moment. In a crumble I think)

Now let's check the cleaning rota.

.....Yep, it appears you do everything on Thursdays, so I will organise the crumble

You broke the tap?

I'm just back from a 10km cycling tour in 30°C, and there's no water!

What's the chances of that?

I'm just back from a 30km cycle ride in 10 C heat, and I'm frozen

Panic not. We have the rainwater collecting butt outside, and I have a watering can here, so that's your shower sorted out
As long as you are ok with a few newts and the odd leaf

If we can find something to burn you might even get warm water......kinda

So that's how the tap broke.........water looters

Did they leave the rainwater collecting butt?

They left it.....but they drilled holes in the bottom

All we have left is a watering can and a thimble. How we gonna water the garden and the animals?

That reminds me of a (very silly) song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QQjSvevb0w

It runs:

There's a hole in the bucket, Karl Otto...
Then mend it oh, Henry
With what shall I mend it, Karl Otto...
With Straw, oh henry...
The Straw is too long, Karl Otto...
Then cut it oh Henry, ...
With what shall I cut it, Karl Otto...
With an axe, oh Henry...
The axe is blunt, Karl Otto
Then sharpen it oh Henry...
With what shall I sharpen it, Karl Otto...
With a whetstone oh Henry...
The stone is too dry, Karl Otto...
Then moisten it oh Henry...
With what shall I moisten it, Karl Otto...
With water, oh Henry...
How do I fetch water, Karl Otto...
Take a bucket, oh Henry...
There's a hole in the bucket, Karl Otto....

So, how are you going to mend that butt?

Well, we can rule out straw... cos i can see where that's heading

(Incidently that song was taught to me as 'There's a hole in my bucket dear Liza')

If we lift the water butt up, I could stand under it and stick my fingers in the hole like the Dutch boy and the dyke
And wait a few weeks til it fills up.........

Also, this cunning plan means we have a shower for the animals when I pull out my fingers! Wow, I should patent that.

*giggles*

You would get drenched too

HEY!

Am I to be left cleaning this place up while you skip about singing songs about holy buckets ?

Not fair