h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Pefection. I had to rake the moon with my tongue so it looked like the Sahara...

Ah thats not a days graft, I had to line up all the planets by size and write there names underneath in stars using only a magnolia washing up glove to protect me from the heat, so they could take a photo and make an astronomy book on the cheap.

Researcher PSG

Think you had problems?!

I had it rough... I had to place the earth in the exact right position so it wouldn't freeze or boil...

Pah, I had to make the earth first out of lego

I had to BUY the Lego with a small sponge covered with plague!

Only plague, you where lucky. I had to build my earth while being showered with chemical weapons and being bitten by a rabid squirrel.

Researcher PSG

Only a squirrel?

I got mauled by seven angry kangaroos with SARS followed by three bears and a walrus.

Spent 6 months in hospital.

Pah! I had to build the hospital first! One I finished I got put right at the end of the NHS waiting list, and needed to wait for a year before I could end up there for 6 months!

didn't even have a word for hospitals in my day! if you got ill your mam would wrap you in old newspaper and make you sleep at the end of the garden in case you infected the others thus cutting the house income down!

Pah! Garden<?> You lived the lap of luxury! All we had was a concrete square about a metre long AND we couldn't afford the newspaper each day to wrap our ill people in. Most of us died on NHS waiting lists..

a square metre! you don't even know you were born. there was no NHS in my town. the closest we had to the NHS was the Thursday cart an old man used to tug around whilst ringing a bell and screaming Bring Out Your Dead! to cure a sore throat they cut your head off back then!

On a Thursday?! Our carts was never weekly. It just used to sit in the dump where we had to travel 4 miles just to get there.. on foot!

At least you had that service! Whenever one of us died, we had to leave them in in our house to rot because the nearest place not covered in concrete was a forest patroled by some silly knights who kept demanding shrubberies!

Lucky you had knights.. our forest was filled with jabberwocks making it impossible to walk the 4 miles to get to the dump to leave our rotting family members... We had to hire someone to go out and pick up the bodies that had gone to deliver the bodies...

Only 4 miles? I had to go 40 miles with my feet tied together

thats bliss! our dad used to come home from the mill. take off his belt and beat our soles til they were raw! that was just for dinner! after that he would make us stick our hands in hot coals and then crawl the 50 miles to school the next morning and school was nothing more than a swamp infested with mosquitos.

Mosquitoes? I got a pond filled with leaches.. , and I had to carry my sister as well

Pah! I had to carry my sister, my brother, my uncle and several small donkeys!

I had to carry half a herd of sheep, as we3ll as half a ton of bricks

Pah! I also had to carry a truck that had our housing estate perched on the top!