h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In the quarter its very clean with a perfectly well made bed and another well made bed on top of that bed, nobody else lives in this cabin though.
The lower bunk is filled with posters;Join the JMC-see the universe!,
Become a Hologram-live forever, Arnie does it best, I owe it all to Rimmer, etc.
There is also a picture of a man in a uniform that looks like an admirals, but if you look closer you can see a label saying Technician 2nd class, over the picture in large typed, red letters it says: DECEASED.
And in smaller, crayon letters it says SMEGHEAD.
On the top bunk there is only one poster saying: The slob has moved out-FINALLY!!!
There is also video cassette labeled:Arnold Rimmer, a tribute, a pile of blue tac, a book named esperanto made simple, and a tape labeled learn astro-navigation while you sleep.
On the walls there are numerous no smoking-signes.
There is a rug in front of the door that says: Welcome.
There is also a large Javanese camphor-wood chest in one end of the cabin.

'Scuse me sir... *puts Admiral Rimmer painting on wall...*

Is that the one with the "throne"?
*ready with fireaxe*

Don't you like it?

Kryten...Remember our little Android to man with fireaxe- talk earlier?
Put it down.

As you wish... *trots off*

*over vid screen*

Mr. Rimmer come down to Skutter's garage... there's something you and Miss Listerette need to see...

On my way.
*wanders off*

*drops some on the floor and then tosses the bag at the bin and misses*

Rimmer are you in here?

*enters in behind mort*
No I'm here.

err ... err.... hello and good morning Rimmer, i was just wondering where you were. You are looking very smart today. Special occasion?

*drops Rimmers diary when he is admiring himself in the mirror*

Nice quarters, great blu tac collection yes, lovely, doesnt smell anymore anyway no Listrettes socks have gone

Yes it is, thankyou, and BTW have you seen my diary, it's not on the table were I left it?

perhaps Krytie moved it when he polished the table......

well must get on, things to do, people to see, you know

*attempts Rimmer salute and only succeeds in looking a twit*

*Rimmer-salute*

*On final cleaning voyage.. picks up Mr. rimmer's diary that seems to be on the floor for some reason... it's open at 'The need for a sunday me'... Places it inside A-Z of red dwarf book on shelf... and wonders if mr. rimmer has found a way of duplicating himself... makes way out of room... satisfied at days work.. at makes it back for the Bridge...*

All hands to the bridge, URGENT
All hands to the bridge, URGENT

All hands to the bridge, URGENT
All hands to the bridge, URGENT

RIMMER, RIMMER, wake up, its 6am you should be up by now, we are having an emergency - RIMMER!

Holly - please sound the sonic boom mega blaster alarm wake up for Rimmer if you wouldnt mind...oh and give me 5 minutes to leave the deck first though please

*enters and walks up to the bed were he collapses*

Over Comm. from Bridge:

MR. RIMMER HAS CONE ASTEROID SPOTTING AND WON'T BE BACK WITH THE MIDGET UNTIL WEDNESDAY!

ALL CREW MEMBERS INFORM NEW CREW MEMBERS WHO HAVEN'T GOT CABINS TO PUT THEM ON A-DECK!!!

A-DECK!!!
A-DECK!!!!!!