h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That viola - was that a violin with ambitions or a cello with a minority complex?

There's always room for cello.

Bill Cosby leaving the symphony:

"Mmm, that's good chello."

Sorry, "cello". Someone on the bus the other day was doing a Cosby-voice advertisment for the Raritan RIver, which has the color and consistancy of chocolate pudding ('cos it's 50% sewage).

50% sewage?
I think that's less than any given political speech I've ever heard, then

I can see that this conversation could quickly 'head' down the 'toilet'
(I still can't remember who it was that called -><- a loo brush)
Let's see if we can 'flush' them out

Skip, skip, skip to my
Skip, skip, skip to my
Skip, skip, skip to my
Skip to the loo, my Darling!

I told her to "unlax and rewind",
not "Ex-Lax and behind"...

B4ifindoutifitsreallyornot

Was it Lady Scott who called a loo brush?

Great Scott! I do believe you're right. It certainly pays to brush up on Hoo-Too herstory...
B4

Many years ago, I used and had gotten quite proficient with the DOS Basic programming language. It seemed like everybody was using it to generate their own home-built programs to complement the work they were doing on their TRS-80's or Z-100's. Back then, it was "the cat's pajamas" to be able to build Batch files to run up your programs, or alter the code in a game so you could win. Yes, Basic had its heyday, but now we look back and--perhaps--affectionately refer to it as 'Archaic'.

Well, in the 80's I got involved with a little group of programmers who were using Electronic Data Interchange Transport Heuristics (EDITH), an offshoot of the ADA language. We worked hard to integrate applications so they actually used a lot less memory and processor resources. Most of the features of the code were splendid, though some of us rather missed the 'simplicity' of the old Basic routines.

At one point, our group determined to meld the two programming languages in such a way that we could have 'the best of both worlds'. Try as we might, we just couldn't get the two machine languages to compile properly. Our team leader finally put it in perspective for us when he remarked, "Gentlemen, I don't think we'll be able to merge these two codes successfully. It seems we can't have Archaic and EDITH, too!"

B4

Animal activist Bo Derek was horrified to learn that the Queen of England wears antique sable coats.
She decided to confront the Queen over the issue, and arranged to get herself invited to an event which the Queen was also due to attend.
So a couple of months later, there they were at a very high class tea party. Rich people everywhere. Bo started looking around for the Queen. Sure enough, there she was. It was time for the confrontation!
She marched up to the Queen, and demanded an answer.
Elizabeth responded haughtily: "Some wear old fur to reign, Bo."

Animal activist Bo Derek was horrified to learn that the Queen of England wears antique sable coats.
She decided to confront the Queen over the issue, and arranged to get herself invited to an event which the Queen was also due to attend.
So a couple of months later, there they were at a very high class tea party. Rich people everywhere. Bo started looking around for the Queen. Sure enough, there she was. It was time for the confrontation!
She marched up to the Queen, and demanded an answer.
Elizabeth responded haughtily: "Some wear old fur to reign, Bo."

There once was a birthday card that had two pictures (one of a giant chocolate cake and the other of a supermodel in a swimsuit). The caption on the fron said, "This is the cake, and this is Edith. Now you have to chose..."
And on the inside it said, "...because you can't have your cake and Edith too."

Well, you have to have your cake before you can eat it. Otherwise you'd be eating someone else's cake.

Wyh, then you'd have your cake, and have to beat it too!

(US slang: "Beat it" means "run away with great speed, for thou hast commited an act of naughtiness.")

Poor thing. I imagine that in the making of that cake the eggs were beaten and the cream whipped as well.

Like the canabal chef always says, "You can't make an omlette without cracking a few heads."

You know canibals don't eat clowns....






















Because they tast funny



Bassman

Depends on the circustances.

I only call a loo-brush because the Brits pointed out that it *looks* like a loo brush...

You should ask Shea about her loo brush bouquet!


(and I'm *really* very sorry I don't have a pun to post here right now...)